The Dosa Saga

Saturday morning...No office for Shanmugham Appuppa, no college for Manu, no online class for Kittunni...Radhamma's Saturday torture was unfolding in the kitchen. 

From Radhamma's dosa making experience, one's dosa appetite depends on whether the day is a weekend or a weekday. It was Shanmugham Appuppa's 3rd and Manu's 4th dosa running. And no light at the end of the tunnel. 

As if two big tummies were not enough, Kittunni had decided today that a change in the breakfast venue was in order. This served 2 purposes. The minor one - successfully avoid Manjulla's Saturday special Pongal, The major one, in Kittunni's own words - 

"Freedom from the two irritating things who call themselves my parents who has nothing better than to do other than making sure I eat my own food with my own hands. No consideration that this child is just 5 years of age whose soft hands can go rough with continuous self usage".  

To celebrate his freedom Kittunni had ordered for a Hanuman Dosa - a dosa shaped like Hanuman - from the Radhamma Dosa Factory. Kittunni was bitten by the mythology bug ever since Mohan told him the Ramayana story and hence the facination with Hanuman. Kittunni being the Mr Perfectionist, would not settle for anything less than the perfect Hanuman. Kittunni had already rejected many prospective Hanumans that was crafted on Radhamma's dosa stove. If one Hanuman's muscles were not bulgy enough the next one's face was not monkey enough. Radhamma was going crazy trying to make the perfect Hanuman dosa.

Finally after a long struggle Radhamma somehow managed to make a dosa which Kittunni agreed looked very Hanumanly : very muscular biceps, chubby monkey face, hands holding a mace, long tail and finally the most important item - open heart with Ram's face in it, à la a Ram dosa inside a Hanuman Dosa.

Kittunni was happy. He walked to the sofa and made himself comfortable - both hands behind his head, legs stretched out on the teapoy and putting Nick Junior on TV. Chotta Bheem new series was just about to start. This was the cue for Radhamma to start her next chore. She came, plucked out Hanuman's tail and put it into Kittunni's mouth. She then went back to her dosa making business, returning every few moments to feed different parts of Hanuman to Kittunni. Kittunni was living his dream...and Radhamma her nightmare. 

"Manu Anna, you know what?", Kittuni turned to face Manu. "Yesterday I learnt something new. It totally blew my mind".

"Oh yeah. What is that Kittu?". Manu was busy working on his 5th dosa. He was Kittunni's official Chotta Bheem watching partner and had joined Kittunni to watch the new series.

"Yesterday I came to know that when I was small I was in my mummy's tummy! Can you believe that?", Kittunni exclaimed in a very excited voice.

"Yeah", Manu came the uneventful reply.

"Yeah what?", Kittunni asked, disappointed by the lack of enthusiasm in his Manu's voice.

"I am sure you were in your Mummy's tummy", Manu replied, without taking his eyes off Chotta Bheem.

"Good so you believe me. I almost thought you didn't believe me. I was readying myself to bring out forceful arguments in case you didn't believe me".

No response from Manu

"So where were you when you were small Manu Anna?", Kittunni asked.

"Same place", Manu replied.

Kittunni was shocked. "What the hell were you doing in my mummy's tummy", he shouted. Kittunni was very possessive about Manjulla's tummy.

"Oyee I meant I was inside MY mummy's tummy", Manu growled, facing Kittunni for the first time.

Kittunni looked at Manu, scanning him from top to bottom for few seconds. Then he got up, walked to the kitchen where Radhamma for standing busy making her dosas. He then scanned Radhamma for sometime. Then pointing to Radhamma's tummy and facing Manu he laughed and asked

"You are telling me your fat round body came from this teeny weeny thing! HAHAHA!!!"

"From where else do you think I came from Mr Know-it-all", Manu asked angrily.

"I don't know maybe from Laila Aunty's tummy. Her tummy has enough space to accommodate you", Kittunni replied. He looked up, trying to picture Manu inside Laila Aunty's tummy and then started laughing even harder. Laila Aunty stayed one floor above Radhamma's house and was a frequent visitor to her house.

Manu stared at Kittunni for a long time. Then realising that this is a fight he cannot win he went back to watching Chota Bheem. After a while Kittunni returned to his sofa. As Manu watched him get back into the sofa, Kittunni gave a You-Can't-Fool-Me look as a response.

After a while Kittunni started feeling bored. He turned to Radhamma.

"Ammumma, I want Hanuman Chalisa".

Radhamma, who was in the kitchen, almost fainted.

"One more Hanuman Dosa? Kittu I already lost half my dosa batter trying to make the perfect Hanuman for you. There are already 7 Hanumans lying in my waste basket. Now you want me to make you one more Hanuman dosa? That will cost me my entire's month quota of dosa batter", she replied in a frustrated tone. 

"Aiyoo ammumma not Hanuman Dosa, I said Hanuman Chalisa", Kittunni replied.

"Hanuman Chalisa?". Radhamma looked blank for a while. "How do you know about Hanuman Chalisa?"

"I heard Mohan's Mom talking about this"

"Really Kittu! Mohan's Mom? Is that how you address your Grandmom? Where is your respect Kittu?", Radhamma scolded Kittunnni in a stern voice.

"Ok ok. I have so many Ammummas I need some way to tell who is who. Ok let me do one thing. Mohan's mom will be Ammumma number 1, Manjulla's mom will be Ammumma number 2 and you will be Ammumma number 3", Kittunni declared.

"Good"

"So Ammumma number 1 is big time into all this Gita and Upanishad mumbo jumbo. She might be the next Lady Gaga of the spiritual world. Initially I thought Hanuman Chalisa might be name of a food item - you know Chai-Lassi combo in a Hanuman shaped glass or something - but then I thought Ammumma number 1 is not much of a foodie like me so it can't be anything to do with food". 

Kittunni stopped for a second to catch his breath. After two seconds he continued his monologue.

"To clear my doubts yesterday during our nightly video call session I asked her about it. Most of what she told me sounded same as how my enemy Karthick explains Avengers Endgame - didn't understand a thing. But one word caught my attention- Hanuman Chalisa. According to Ammumma number 1, Hanuman Chalisa is a magic pill which can solve all your life's problems".

"Oh so Mr Kittunni's life is full of problems eh?", Manu giggled. 

"Hey no one asked you for your opinion. Don't interfere when high IQed people are immersed in intellectually stimulating conversations. You keep watching your Chota Bheem", Kittuni shouted back, wagging his tongue at Manu.

"So Kittu why do you need Hanuman Chalisa?", Radhamma asked with a smile.

"What do you know about the problems of a 5 year old Ammumma number 3. Online classes, homeworks, peer pressures, eating Manjulla's saturday Pongal - the list goes on and on", Kittunni said.

"Peer pressure? What peer pressure", Radhamma asked with raised eyebrows.

"Leave it Ammumma number 3, its very complicated you will not understand", Kittunni dismissed the question with a wave of his hand.

"Try me", Radhamma edged Kittunni on.

"Ok. So I assume you know what peer pressure is right?", Kittunni enquired.

"I don't", Manu cried out. 

Kittunni looked at Radhamma with a expression resembling something close to pity. "I am sorry to say this Ammumma Number 3 but your son is a total duffer. He doesn't even know what peer pressure is"

"Ok help me understand it Kittu", Manu "begged".

 Turning and facing Manu he explained.

"Peer pressure is when your friends try to put pressure on you when we play police and robber. When you are the robber and when the police is about to catch you the pressure increases. Thus it becomes peer pressure. Understood?"

Manu could hardly control his laughter. "Totally! So how exactly will Hanuman Chalisa solve your peer pressure issues?"

"Well since Hanuman Chalisa is a magic pill like paracetemol, I will eat one Hanuman Chalisa a day and then I can run so fast that the good for nothing Karthick will never catch me when he is the police. No more peer pressure!"

"Great plan Kittu", Manu winked and gave a thumbs up.

"So Ammumma number 3, do you have some Hanuman Chalisa pills with you?", Kittunni asked Radhamma

"Kittu dear, Hanuman Chalisa is not a pill, it is a mantra", Radhamma replied.

"What the hell is a mantra?", Kittunni looked confused.

"Its very hard to explain Kittu. A Mantra is some sacred words which when you keep repeating gives you great strength", Radhamma explained.

"That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard", Kittu refuted. "How can repeating some words give you great strength. If that was the case my mother should be the strongest woman in the world. She keeps repeating Kittu don't do this Kittu don't do that every 5 minutes. Forget getting strength, she gets a big headache at the end of the day". 

"Kittu it doesn't work that way. You are just 5 years old. You are too young to understand this", Radhamma tried to reason.

"Yeah right when you don't know the answer then make fun of Kittunni's age", Kittunni muttered angrily.

With a sigh Radhamma realised that Kittunni was in a bad mood. But she knew his anger would not last long. And soon enough the confirmation shout came from the TV room.

"1 Dinosaur Dosa please"

Kiddoland

"Kittuuuu come fast else I will not take you to the play ground." 

Mohan was not in a good mood. He had lot of office work pending but Kittunni would hear none of it. 

"Acha I was a good boy in class today", Kittunni had declared the second his online class got over. "I logged in on time, I kept my mouth shut until I was asked to open it, I even didn't do shake-it-baby-shake-it with my butt to Sulochana Teacher today. Do you know how difficult that was? Promise is a promise mister. Now take me to the playground."

Mohan knew Kittunni was right. Somehow Kittunni had put on his best performance in class today. No complaints at the end of class. It was indeed a miracle. So he had no choice other than to keep his end of the promise.

"Acha one doubt". Kittunni asked, as he put on his chappal to get ready. "If you get sunlight, you get big muscles no?"

"Why do you ask Kittu?", Mohan enquired. 

"Simply. To build up my General Knowledge", Kittunni replied.

"Oh that's good. You see our body makes Vitamin D from sunlight and then..."

"Stop stop stop". Kittunni interrupted. "Answer to the point. Don't write an essay for one mark question. Will I get muscles or not, that is all I asked. Seriously how did you pass your school exams Acha?", Kittunni asked, nodding his head from left to right in apparent disgust.

"Yeah yeah you will get muscles", Mohan replied haughtily.

Kittuni points to biceps. "Here?", he asked. Mohan looked confused. "Here what?", he asked. "Will I get muscles here?", Kittuni clarified.

"Yeah ok you will get it there", Mohan replied.

"Hmm...how about here?", Kittunni points to stomach.

"Yeah there also. Can we go now?". Mohan was getting restless.

"Here also?". Kittunni points to his butt.

"What? Why do you want muscles there?", Mohan asked, eyebrows raised.

"You have any problem if I get some muscles there?", Kittunni asked with arms crossed.

"Ok Whatever. You will get it there also. Happy? Now let's go."

"Cool let's go then. We have some serious muscle building to do", Kittunni replied excitedly.

Seeing Kittunni's excitement Mohan knew they were not going to come back anytime soon. "My manager is going to cut me into pieces and feed me to the wolves", Mohan thought to himself.

Soon Kittunni and Mohan reached the playground. They could see that some kids were already playing in the ground. Among them were Kittunni's friends - Karthik and Ruhan - both of whom were couple of years older than Kittunni.

"Hi Ruhan", Mohan called out. "Hi uncle", Ruhan waved at Mohan. "Hey Ruhan I heard you had a fight with Varun yesterday. Why did you fight with him?", Mohan asked Ruhan.

"What? I didn't fight with Varun, uncle", Ruhan replied shaking his head.

"But yesterday Varun's Dad told me that Varun complained to him that you hit him", Mohan said.

"Oh he told like that?", Ruhan asked in a confused tone. For a couple of seconds he was in deep thought. Then he replied. "Hmm I think I know what happened uncle. I think yesterday he didn't love me."

"Err...he didn't what?". Mohan looked perplexed. 

"You see uncle, yesterday Varun and me were playing rock papers scissors and he lost. So after the game he was not loving me. So he lied to his Dad that I hit him."

"Hmm", Mohan replied with a smile

"Mother promise uncle, yesterday he didn't love me",  Ruhan said, feeling that Mohan didn't somehow believe him. "And today we played police and robber. He was the police and I was the robber. He ran fast and caught me. Then he started loving me again. So today he won't lie to his Dad."

Mohan's head was swirling. "Did I grow up in another planet or is this how today's kids talk? Generation gap I guess", he thought to himself.

"Hey Karthik, what did you do today", Kittunni asked, trying to get the latest update from his friend.

"I saw Avengers Endgame today Kittu", Karthik replied.

"Wow very good Karthik. Me too", Kittunni said, with a broad smile. Mohan turned and looked quizzically  at Kittunni.  "When did you see Avengers Endgame?"

"Something similar. I saw Dora the Explorer", Kittunni retorted angrily, throwing an angry stare at his father for "embarrassing" him in front of is friends.

"How in the world are they similar?", Mohan wanted to know. "Have you seen Avengers Endgame?"

"Oh yeah? How do you know they are not the similar? Have you seen Dora the explorer?", Kittunni shot back.

For some moments the father and son duo looked at each other angrily. The "audience" waited with bated breath to see who will blink first. Finally Mohan turned to face Karthik again.

"So you liked the movie Karthik?"

"Oh very wonderful movie uncle", Karthik replied.

"So what is the story of Avengers Endgame", Mohan asked. He was not sure how much a 7-year old can understand from that movie.

"Story is simple uncle. Once upon a time there were many heroes - Ironman, Spiderman, Superman."

"Superman?In Avengers?", Mohan asked in surprise.

"Yeah. But he looks little different though. I think in Avengers, Superman wears his red underwear on his face. His face is red in this movie", Karthik explained. 

Mohan's eyes widened. "Oh boy he is talking about the Vision guy", Mohan thought to himself. The story telling continued.

"Then these heroes fight and defeat Thanos. Story over."

"Really? That's the story?", Mohan asked incredulously.

"Yeah", replied Karthik confidently.

Kittuni turned to Mohan. "See I told you the story is same as Dora the Explorer",  he shouted in anger. "In Dora the Explorer there is Dora, Boots, Diego. They fight and defeat Swiper the Fox. End of story."

"You keep quiet", Mohan glared at Kittunni. He was already going crazy in this Kiddoland.

Turning to Karthik he probed furthur.

"So what is the difference between Avengers Infinity War and Avengers Endgame."

"That's easy uncle. In Infinity war Thanos defeats Ironman, Spiderman and Superman. In Endgame Ironman, Spiderman and Superman defeats Thanos", Karthik answered

"Wow never ever can anyone explain a story as good as you folks", Mohan "complimented" Karthik. Karthik's chest puffed up in pride. And why not? After all Mohan uncle has just given him 5 stars, just like how he gets from all his teachers at school. "Thanks uncle".

Mohan turned back to Kittunni. He couldn't take this any longer.

"Enough muscle building for the day. Let's go back."

The Queen's Gambit

A lazy afternoon, a heavy lunch and a peaceful siesta - Manu had it all planned and set. 

And then came the shout 

"Manu Anna....Manu Anna"

"And there goes my plan out of the window", Manu groaned

Within seconds our hero makes his grand entry.

"Manu Anna, how was your lunch?", Kittunni asked, opening the door and walking in, rubbing his belly lovingly. Manu sensed Kittunni's mood. Kittunni seems to have had a very sumptuous meal and wanted to brag about it to him.

"Ok I guess", Manu replied with a mock sad face, giving Kittunni the perfect platform to launch his punch dialogue.

"Just Ok? That's it? Mine was too good Manu Anna. Oh my God, you know what? I ate 2 fishes!!! 2 fishes Manu Anna! Can you believe that?", Kittunni's excitement was uncontrollable.

"Oh gosh, 2 fishes you say? Were you were so hungry Kittu?", Manu egged him on.

"I was hungry so I ate the first fish. But then the first fish I ate was also hungry so I ate the second fish !!!", Kittunni replied.

"Such a blessed soul you are Kittu. You have such a big heart. You showed great kindness for the fish you caught, killed and then ate without remorse!", Manu Anna said, putting both his hands over his heart and blinking fast with a fake smile and a sigh.

"Yups that's me - a big heart guy", Kittunni replied with a shy smile, apparently not catching the sarcasm.

"But does your tummy have space for 2 fishes?", Manu asked in a doubtful tone.

"Manu Anna don't go by my tummy's size. This is a high quality 24-carat tummy. Anything can go in (points to his mouth) and everything will come out (points to his butt). No wastage no blockage", Kittunni explained.

"Wow so complicated biology explained in such simple terms Kittu!!!", Manu exclaimed. 

"Bio what?", Kittunni asked in a perplexed voice.

"Never mind. You see Kittu, I was thinking I will also have fish. All your talk of eating fish has made me also want to eat fish", Manu said. 

"Manu Anna NOOO!!!". Kittunni was shocked to hear such blasphemous words from Manu's mouth. "You are a vegetarian no? What will society think of you. What will Radhamma think of you? Even worse, what will Radhamma think of me?"

"Don't worry Kittu I will take care of the society and my mom Kittu", Manu continued.

"That's not all Manu Anna. Your veggie tummy's carat quality will be 2 or 3 only. You veggie peoples don't take panga with non veggie things. I am telling you for your own good only - one bro to another. Later on don't blame me for what comes out from your mouth or butt", Kittunni warned.

"I will sign a legal document absolving you of all the charges in case anything happens to me if I eat fish", Manu declared. 

Kittunni put his hand on his head and sat down with a heavy sigh. "Oh No! What have I done?", Kittunni thought to himself. "The pressure on Manu Anna to be like me must be too much for him. I wish I was not so perfect".

Meanwhile Shanmugham, Radhamma's husband and Manu's father, came back after buying the daily groceries. Like Radhamma, Kittunni was also close to Shanmugham.

"Appuppa, where is my lollypop?", Kittunni asked with authority.

"Eh? What lollypop Kittu?", Shanmugham asked, feigning memory loss and scratching his head.

"Appuppa I give you one task and you can't even do that properly? All that was expected of you was to go to shop, take MY lollypop, open YOUR wallet, pay YOUR money and get it done with. Where is the confusion here I don't understand?", asked Kittunni, throwing up both his hands in the air.

"What happened to the one I gave you yesterday?", Shanmugham enquired.

"As Dora the Explorer says, never ever postpone eating a lollypop. The moment you get it, you lick it, you wet it, and finally you gulp it", Kittunni replied, with head held high and both hands on the hips.

"Ok boss, do you also recollect your monologue yesterday evening when I gave you that lollypop which you wetted, licked and gulped?", Appuppa asked, looking at Kittunni with crossed hands.  

"Err Appuppa, you see I am a small boy no, I sometimes forget these small small things", Kittunni replied, with a guilty smile, hoping to avoid an answer.

"Don't worry I am a big boy no, I remember it all too well. Let me help you recollect", Manu interjected. "You said, Appuppa are you not ashamed of yourself to give me - a small cute little boy - such junk foods? You have no concern for my lungs, liver and heart? Che che bad Appuppa"

"Really? I said all that?", Kittuni asked, still "trying" to recollect such an incident. He threw an angry glance at a grinning Manu.

"Oh yeah you did you little brat", Appuppa replied.

"Appuppa we had a deal no?", Kittunni tried to explain. "You gave me the lollypop when Mohan was standing near the door no? When my Acha is standing near me, I will shout at the top of my voice my opposition to all the junk foods. But once he goes back inside the house I will come without any shame and collect my share. Isn't that our deal? You forgot?", Kittunni asked questioningly.

"But yesterday's dialogue delivery was too much Kittu. It went right through here", Appuppa said, pointing at his heart and acting hurt.

"Sorry Appuppa sometimes we professional actors get too much into the character that we can't differentiate between acting and living", Kittunni explained. "You see unless Mohan is convinced of my act that I hate junk foods, I can't come over to your house and eat junk foods peacefully"

"You will become a great politician Kittu", Appuppa said with a smile. "Here have your lollypop".

"Thanks Appuppa you are the best. You got one for Manu Anna also right?".

"Yeah yeah I got one for your partner also Kittu", Shangmugham replied.

"Good. Manu my boy, put the TV on. Chotta Bheem is about to start". 

And there it was, the 5-year old and 25-year old best friends, licking their lollypops together and enjoying their favourite TV show.

5 minutes later a voice was heard from outside the door.

"Kittu where are you. Your online class is about to begin"

"O crap! Here comes trouble", Kittu moaned.

Mohan enters Shanmugham's house. "Kittuuuu", he calls out.

Shangmugham comes to the door. 

"Hello uncle", Mohan greeted Shangmugham. "Is Kittu here? His class is in the afternoon today".

"Hi Mohan. Kittunni is here only". Then turning towards the TV he called out, "Kittunni your father ha....". Shanmugham voice trailed off. Kittu's seat was empty! 

"Oh he was here a moment ago", Shangmugham said. Let me go inside and check. "Kittu...Kittu...your father is here, where are you?", Shanmugham called out, while searching all the rooms. He couldn't find Kittunni anywhere.

Finally Shangmugham tiptoes silently to the bathroom and slowly opens the door. There he was, Kittunni, trying hard to break the lollypop with his teeth.

"Hey Kittu your father is calling you", he called out to Kittunni

"Of course I know that Appuppa. Why do you think I am hiding here?", Kittunni barked out, as if it should have been apparent to his Appuppa.

"But why are you hiding here Kittu?", Shangmugham asked.

"I am trying to bite and break this lollypop into pieces, but it is not breaking. Looks like this lollypop is older than even you. Which ice age lollypop you got for me?", Kittunni replied, throwing Shangmugham an accusing glance in between his biting efforts.

"It's ok Kittunni you can lick it and finish it slowly, no need to break it into pieces", Shangmugham tried to comfort Kittunni.

"You think that is an option for me now!!! You think?", Kittunni asked, his voice raised. "The enemy is at the gate Appuppa. Mohan will beat me black and blue if he catches me with the lollypop, Sulochanna Teacher will question my career choices if I sit in class with a lollypop. Too much at stake here for me."

"Ok so what do you want me to do Kittu?", Shanmugham asked

"Protect your King, that is what you have got to do!!! As instructed by the Evil Queen, the enemy King has come himself, leaving behind all his Rooks and Bishops to capture your King. My Queen has gone I don't know where and my Rook is licking his lollypop and watching Chotta Bheem. You are now my only hope! As my bishop you do what it takes to stop him till I get my job done", Kittunni ordered, in parallel continuing with his efforts to try and break down the hard rocked lollypop. Time was running out for Kittu. 

"Playing chess now, are we?", Shanmugham asked with a smile

"GO !!!", Kittunni shouted. He didn't want any more disturbances. He had a job to finish.

"Ok Ok take it easy", Shanmugham replied. He returned to the hallway.

"Hey Mohan, Kittu is in the bathroom, he will be back any moment", Shanmugham said.

Kittunni could hear Shanmugham's voice in the bathroom. "Good my Bishop is playing his part well", he thought. He was still trying hard to break down the lollypop. "Break you stupid thing break!". He continued biting. 

CRACKKKK

A big sound was heard in the hallway. This was followed by some more weird sounds - as if stones were being ground into powder

"Uncle, what are those sounds?", Mohan asked in a surprised tone

"Must be some rat chewing on a lollypop I guess", Shangmmugham replied with a smile.

After a minute or so Kittunni came out of the bathroom

"Hey Acha, when did you come? I didn't hear you at all. Sorry I was little busy in the bathroom", Kittunni replied, with a broad smile to show how happy he was to see Mohan.

"C'mon its time for your class, let's go", Mohan said.

"Sure let's go Acha". Then looking at Manu and Shangmugham he threw a wink. "Bye guys!!! See you later".

Online Exam

 As usual the sun did its job as was its wont - it rose in the east at 6 am, the hen did its job - it shouted its throat out at 6 am for which it was duly punished and ended up as Afghani Murgh Kebab in someone's stomach by 1 pm and finally even the clock did it's job - the shorter needle came to rest at 6 and the longer needle at 12. But Kittunni continued his heavenly bliss in bed. Neither the push of the bulldozer sized muscles of Mohan nor the scissors cut kick from Manjulla could bring Kittunni back to reality. Finally the ice cold water did the trick.

"Go get ready you lazy bones, the class will start in one hour. Get ready fast", Manjulla shouted. Today was a special class. It was going to be the first class test since online classes started due to Corona. Manjulla wanted everything to be perfect. 

Out of the corner of her eyes, she caught Mohan crawling back to the bed, silently. "Where do you think you are going?", she asked in a menacing voice.

"Hey it's not my class test, so let me sleep for some more time", Mohan protested. 

"It's Kittu's test which means it's our test, got it? I don't want him to be the only kid who fails the test so get up and help me help Kittu get ready", Manjulla ordered, hands pointing to the bathroom.

"As if he is going to write the IAS exam", Mohan thought to himself, reluctantly pulling himself up. Getting up early morning was not Mohan's cup of tea. He cursed Kittu's school for keeping class at 7 am. Somehow the school had this stupid notion that kids performed best in the early morning, so they kept the special class at this special time. 

Meanwhile Kittunni was brushing his teeth, but his thoughts were somewhere else.

"Sirf pass thodi hona hei, mujhe first aana hei", he kept muttering to himself. 

Tears swelled up in Manjulla's eyes. "My son will make proud", she thought

The truth was Kittunni was still in hangover from yesterday's late night Avengers movie. Though he enjoyed the movie, what seems to have registered more in his mind was the annoying Milk Bikis biscuit advertisement which had appeared every 5 minutes during the movie.

Finally everyone was ready by 7 am. Mohan resumed his sleep after his duties were done. Manjulla and Kittunni sat in front of the laptop waiting for everyone to join - Manjulla with full josh, Kittunni with full doze. He just wished he could go back to sleep.

"Kittu, remember the story telling we have been practising for last 2 days. Recite it again so that I know you remember it", Manjulla asked. She wanted everything to go perfect today.

"Please Amma I know it, I will tell Sulochanna teacher if she asks me", Kittu replied.

Soon Sulochanna teacher joined the call followed by Kittunni's classmates Mani, Rani and Akbar.

"Good morning children", Sulochanna Teacher greeted everyone. "How is everyone today. Hope everyone slept well. All of you are looking very fresh I can see".

Kittunni looked at Manjulla. "She's joking right?", he asked with a big yawn. Luckily the call was on mute. "Just answer yes Kittu", Manjulla retorted with an angry look.

"Yes Teacher", all the kids answered in unison. Suddenly Rani started shouting. "Teacher I did my homework I did my homework". Sulochanna Teacher looked visibly happy. "Very good Rani. Keep it up". 

But someone else was not.

"I did my homework I did my homework", Manjulla muttered, imitating what she just heard, with her mouth curving down in an apparent angry expression. "Did someone asked her about it? I am sure her mother would have told her to say so to get an extra mark in the test. I will also do the same. Kittu do..."

Her voice trailed off. Kittunni was busy sitting and sleeping, his head resting on his chest!!!

"This boy will be my ruin", she thought, both hands over her head. "Oyee get up get up",she shouted in a strong whisper, careful enough so that others in the call doesn't hear her voice.

Kittu suddenly woke up. "Once upon a time there was a lion in the jungle. He was friends with a jackal....",  he started his story telling he has been practicing since last few days.

"Susshhhhh stop it stop it not now not now", Manjulla shouted. "Where is the mute button in this damn app". She started fumbling in an effort to find the mute button. Finally she found it.

"What do you think you are doing Kittu? How dare you sleep in class. Especially today?", Manjulla asked sternly. Kittunni looked at Manjulla sleepily.

"Sorry Amma, but I am feeling sleepy", Kittunni replied, again with a big yawn. "No way!", Manjulla shouted. "Sit straight and concentrate. Looks like Rani has already scored an extra mark with her buttering. We have lot of catching up to do".

Meanwhile Sulochanna Teacher continued. "So Children as you all know we have a test today. Are you all ready?". 

"Yessss!", shouted Rani. 

"Ok", said Kittunni with a yawn. 

"Hmm", was Mani's response. 

"No", replied Akbar

Sulochanna Teacher looked at Akbar, who stood out with the negative reply. "Why Akbar, are you not ready for the test", she asked him.

"No"

 "Why?", Sulochanna Teacher enquired. 

"My Mama was very busy Teacher, so didn't get time to be ready", Akbar replied innocently. His teacher got a little angry. "So what if your Mama was busy? You could have studied yourself right? Is this your test or Mama's test?", she asked

"Mama's test", came the reply. 

"Eh? Why like that?", she asked, in a surprised voice. 

"Mama says if I don't get more marks than Rani then she will not be able to show her face to anyone", Akbar replied. 

There was a pin drop silence for sometime followed by some background giggles, as if people were trying hard to suppress their laughter. Akbar's Mama just about managed to give an embarrassed smile.

 Sulochanna Teacher continued, "So let's start the test. I will start with Rani. Rani dear are you ready?"

"Yes Yes teacher", Rani replied, excited at the prospect of rising to the challenge. 

"Ok, for you I will be asking questions on addition.", Sulochanna teacher said. "So Rani can you tell me what will you get if I add 2 apples and 3 oranges?"

"I will get loose motion teacher", Rani shouted out. "What!!!", Sulochanna Teacher asked, shocked. "Yes Teacher", Rani continued, "Whenever I eat an apple and an orange,  I get loose motion. Doctor aunty says I have some allergy to eating apple and orange together. "

"Hmm Ok...", Sulochanna Teacher was fumbling to get the right words out. 

Meanwhile Rani was excited. After all didn't she just give the right answer. "Teacher teacher did I get 10 out of 10. Mama said she will buy me an ice cream if I got 10 out of 10 marks", Rani asked, unable to control her excitement

"I will tell Mama to buy you ice cream dear", Sulochanna Teacher replied, with a heavy voice. 

The first online test session was becoming more than what Sulochanna Teacher had bargained for. Little did she know that the best was yet to come. She turned to the next kid, hoping for something better. "Ok Mani are you ready?"

"Yes Teacher", Mani replied. 

"Ok for you I will be asking about shapes. Mani can you tell me what is a circle"

"I don't know teacher", Mani replied. "Oh you don't remember what a circle is?", Sulochanna Teacher asked. "It's ok, no problem. What about square?"

"No"

"Rectangle?"

"Nopes"

"What about triangle?"

"Never heard of it"

Sulochanna Teacher was getting irritated. "Do you know any shapes at all?", she asked, little sternly

"Yes Teacher. I know icosidodecahedral and dodecahedron"

"What the hell is that?", she asked, looking blank

"Shapes", Mani replied nonchalantly. Sulochanna Teacher looked at Mani as if he was from some other planet. 

"You don't know what a circle is but you know icoso decathalon?". Sulochanna Teacher was at her wits end. 

"Its icosidodecahedral Teacher", Mani replied

"Yeah yeah that only", she replied, slightly embarrassed. "You don't know simple shapes but know all these complicated ones?", she asked 

"What can I say Teacher. I am a complicated person", Mani replied calmly. 

Sulochanna Teacher had a What-The-Hell-Am-I-Doing-Here look. She took some time to regain her composure. Then she continued. 

"Ok moving onto lesser complicated shapes and children, Akbar are you ready?"

"Yes Teacher", came the reply. She then showed a picture of Rhombus on the screen. "What is this Akbar?", she asked

"Colombus", Akbar replied.

"Say what?", Sulochanna looked utterly bewildered.

"The shape is Colombus teacher", Akbar replied as confirmation.

"It's not Colombus Akbar, it's Rhombus", Sulochanna Teacher corrected him. "Ok Teacher", replied Akbar obediently.

"Good. So tell me what is this shape?", she asked again

"Rholombus"

"Rhombus!", she replied, in a louder voice

"Compass"

"RHOMBUSSSSSSS", she shouted

"Colombusssssss"

"AAAHHHHHH!!!!!", Sulochanna Teacher cried out, losing control, and forgetting momentarily that parents were also there in the call.

It was now very obvious that Sulochanna Teacher was frustrated beyond measure. "Ok Sulochanna calm down just one more kid and you will be done with this for good", she thought to herself. "Ok Kittunni are you ready?",she asked. Without waiting for a response she continued, "An easy one for you. Tell a good story and then we will wind up", hoping for atleast one sane answer

No reply. 

Manjulla looked surprised. "Why was Kittu not replying?", she thought. She turned to face Kittunni who was sitting next to her. And there he was again, eyes closed and sleeping, head resting on the chest. "Kittu get up get up recite the story", Manjulla whispered, pinching his legs.

"Ahh!!!", Kittunni woke up with a start. Shaken out from his sleep, Kittunni started reciting the story he thought he had perfected over the last 2 days.

"Once upon a time there was an Ironman in the jungle. He was friends with a Spiderman. In the nearby well a bad Thanos resided. Then one day....one day....Ironman and Spiderman fought...with...with Thanos...and...and...ZZZZZZ". 

As Manjulla watched in horror Kittunni dozed off and two seconds later loud snores reached Sulochanna Teacher's ears. 

Sulochanna Teacher sat quiet for sometime. Then she turned and faced all the children, atleast the ones who were not yet sleeping

"Thanks children for such a wonderful test. All of you have done extremely well. Meet you all tomorrow. Logging off"

Parvati's Woes

Parvati - Mohan's cousin - and her mother Laxmikuttyamma, is an example of how two harmless products when combined together can create a deadly output. Disclaimer: This example is protected under Copyrights Acts 2020 so please acquire the legal rights before quoting this for your board exam chemistry paper.

Few years back when Parvati came to Bangalore for her first day of joining a big IT company, Mohan and Manjulla too had accompanied them. Since the campus was huge, and no billboards for help on how to reach their destination, tension was building up.

"Oh we will be late, we will be late. Edi Parvati walk faster.", Laxmikuttyamma kept repeating every few seconds. Her tension was apparent in her voice.

"Aiyo ente Amme the reporting time is 9:30 am. We still have 15 minutes left", Parvati said in an exasperated tone, trying to keep up with Laxmikuttyamma, who was now almost running.

"Your generation doesn't understand the value of punctuality. If it were me I would have reported at 8:30 itself", Laxmikuttyamma replied angrily.

"And then do what. Swat flies?", Parvati shouted back.

"The point is if you are given a time, you should reach atleast 1 hour before the allotted time. Otherwise what would people think about you? Would they not think that her parents did not teach her discipline and punctuality. So indirectly my reputation is at stake here. So walk faster you lazy brat", Laxmi Aunty replied.

Parvati threw up her hands. She turned to Manjulla. "I give up. Somebody drive some sense into this lady. Please tell her this is not the 90s anymore. If I am late I will be blamed, not you", Parvati said

"Can't risk it. Walk faster. Its almost time". Nothing was going to stop Laxmikuttyamma from reaching on time.  

Somehow they managed to reach the reporting location on time. Parvati looked around. Barely 3 to 4 new joinees out of the 1000 odd expected were present. One lady, possibly the company HR, was interacting with them. Parvati turned to her mother and growled. 

"See what I meant!", Parvati shouted. Her leg was paining from all the fast walking and jogging and running she was made to do. 

Laxmikuttyamma was unmoved. "See, that company lady just looked at me when we arrived. I think she is going to give you a promotion today itself because you came on time. Then you will thank me", Laxmikuttyamma said with full confidence, smiling and waving her hands at the HR, who was wondering why a stranger was waving at her.

Parvati looked at Mohan and Manjulla with a She-Has-Lost-It look. Mohan and Manjulla tried hard not to make their giggles apparent to their Aunty.

Years passed by. Parvati got married to Ramesh who was working in the same company and now expecting their first child. Parvati was in constant touch with Manjulla for pregnancy related guidelines. 

"Chechi, can you come with me to the doctor for the next scan", Parvati asked Manjulla one day. Manjulla had come to see how Parvati was doing.

"Sure why not? But what happened to Laxmi aunty?", Manjulla asked. Laxmikuttyamma usually accompanied Parvati for her regular pregnancy related appointments with the doctor. Turning to face Laxmi Aunty Manjulla enquired, "All ok Aunty?". Laxmikuttyamma was brooding, but didn't reply.

"Aiyoo Chechi I told her not to come from next time. Didn't I tell you 2 days back that we were going to see a new Radiologist for my 3rd Trimester scan. When we arrived at her clinic the Radiologist looked at both of our tummies and was confused as to who between us was actually pregnant!!! Chechi it was so embarrassing", Parvati was hysterical recounting her ordeal.

"HAHAHAHA", Manjulla couldn't control her laughter.

"I told her she better reduce her tummy if she wants to accompany me for the next session", Parvati continued, giving her mother a stern look.

"You only go with her Manju. Current generation kids are embarrassed of their mummies and their tummies", Laxmi Aunty said, patting her stomach as if to console it.

"Sure aunty no problem I will go", Manjulla said with a smile.

Two days later Manjulla gets a call from Laxmi Aunty. 

"Manju, Parvati is crying like anything. I don't know what happened. Can you come over and talk to her? The scan results were expected to come today. I don't know whether this has anything to do with that. I don't have the strength to ask her", Laxmi Aunty's voice was filled with dread of the unknown news.

Manjulla rushed to Parvati's house. As she reached Parvati's house she saw Laxmi Aunty waiting for her at the gate. 

"Do something Manjulla, her cries are unbearable to see. I fear the worst", Laxmi Aunty was almost in tears.

"Don't worry Aunty, I will go talk to her. You take rest", Manjulla consoled her and went inside.

With a thumping heart, Manjulla enters Parvati's room. Just like Laxmi Aunty described, she was weeping uncontrollably. Her phone was lying down. Ramesh's photo was on it. 

"Oh no", Majulla thought, "Did something bad happen to Ramesh?".

Manjulla laid a hand on Parvati. "What happened Parvati? Is Ramesh alright?".

Parvati looks up and sees Manjulla. She starts weeping even more. "Hey its ok, I am here. Tell me what happened. Is Ramesh alright?", Manjulla asked with utmost dread and concern.

"Ramesh? Screw Ramesh. Deepika and Shahid are dead", Parvati cried out. With that the intensity of her cry went up a notch.

"Oh!", Manjulla replied, somewhat surprised. "Were they your friends? How did they die?", Manjulla asked

"Ranveer killed them Chechi, Ranveer killed them",Parvati said, in between her intense sobs.

"Who Ranveer?", Manjulla asked.

"Ranveer Singh kills both Deepika Padukone and Shahid Kapur in Padmaavat Chechi". Manjulla looked too stunned to respond. Parvati continued. "Actually and technically Deepika did Sati, suicide etc etc, but then that was because Ranveer was going to capture her no? And he killed my beloved Shahid. I can't bear this Chechi. This is too much for me Chechi too much". there was no stopping Parvati's tears.

"Yeah I agree. This is too much", Manjulla said . She was too stunned to have any emotion on her face. "You were crying because Shahid Kapur and Deepika Padukone died in Padmaavat?", Manjulla asked, still hoping against hope that this was not why she wasted her day and came running.

"You too feel like crying no?You too cry chechi you too cry. Don't hold on to your emotions. In this pregnancy book chapter 2 page 8 paragraph 4 the author, Unnikuttan, says don't hold on to your emotions. Unnikuttan says if you let your emotions flow you will feel good. I feel soo good now Chechi", Parvati said, managing a smile between the cries.

Manjulla was boiling inside, but considering that Parvati was pregnant,  she just left the room without uttering any more word. Parvati continued letting her emotions flow.

As Manjulla came out, Laxmi Aunty came running. "Is Parvati alright?", she asked in anticipation.

"Nothing that a good kick in her butt wouldn't solve", Manjulla burst out, venting out her bottled up emotions - She would have made Unnikuttan proud. As Manjulla stomped out of the house in a puff she stopped midway, turned around and looking at Laxmi Aunty she shouted

"FOR GOD'S SAKE THROW AWAY THAT PREGNANCY BOOK !!!"

Saying this Manjulla walked out, muttering all the way "I will kill that idiot Unnikuttan". Laxmi Aunty was left wondering what the hell happened in that room.

Close Call

"Hey sweetie", Mohan called out. Romance was in the air.

"Yes Darling?", she replied with a sensuous smile, looking into his eyes.

"You have such a smooth skin. I know you use Lux soap. Never thought Lux soap was so effective". Mohan was at his cheesy best.

"Oh Mohan", she smiled. Mohan blushed - blushed like never before. "This must be how heaven feels like", Mohan thought.

"Mohan my sweet baby, your chubby face is soo soo cute. I feel like giving you a pat on your cheeks", she said, caressing Mohan's cheeks.

"Oh Madhu I would love that", Mohan replied eagerly. She smiles and gives a soft pat on Mohan's cheeks.

"Wow that was good. So good. C'mon Madhu a little more harder this time", Mohan said.

"Oh my my you are really enjoying yourself, ain't you, you naughty naughty boy", she said with a teasing smile. She gives a bigger smile and a harder pat on the cheek.

"Harder baby harder, hit harder", Mohan cried out

WHAAAAACCCCKKKKK

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH what the F...". Mohan woke up stunned, hands over his cheeks. 

"Where the hell did Madhuri Dixit go? And who the hell slapped me ???"

And there he was, our little Hero, standing on the bed with both arms crossed, eye brows curved.

"Why the hell did you hit me Kittu?". Mohan was still rubbing his face. He never knew his kid could slap so hard.

"You only told me to hit you no - hit baby hit?", Kittunni retorted.

"Oh man, he heard that? Sheesh", Mohan thought. "Right right", Mohan said, rubbing his eyes and coming back to reality. "Sorry my mistake". Mohan said with a sheepish grin.

"And why were you shouting? You won't let me sleep late atleast on a Saturday???", Kittunni was still angry.

"Sorry", Mohan replied automatically

Then came the thunderbolt

"And who is Madhu? Is she Amma's friend?", Kittunni asked with a doubtful tone curving his eyebrows more. 

"Oh crap, he heard that too!!!", Mohan thought, hitting his head. Looking up to the ceiling, he made a silent complaint - "Why Ayyappa why? Why did he have to hear that one? Do take care of your devotees once in a while. If not for me, atleast for the agarbathis I burn everyday. Those things have become costlier since the last Budget!!!"

"Hello hello, who is this Madhu I asked", Kittunni snapped breaking Mohan's conversation with Ayyappa Swami.

"Oh yeah Kittunni sorry again. Madhu is Madhav uncle, Karthik's father", Mohan blurted out the first thing that came into his mind.

"Really? You call Madhav uncle Madhu?". Kittunni didn't sound convinced.

"Yes that's right", Mohan replied with a grin. Yet Kittunni's expression did not change. Mohan decided to go for the kill. He held his Adams Apple with his thumb and index fingers. 

"Mother Promise!!!", Mohan cried out. Mother Promise was the ultimate test of faith between Kittu and his friends. It beats Harry Potter's Unbreakable Vow in consequence of breaking it. According to the Urban Legend, breaking Mother Promise meant a life long condemnation to Hell and beyond.

 

Kittunni kept scrutinising Mohan's face. Mohan kept looking back, tensed. "Did it work? Please Ayyappa let Mother Promise work", he thought

Finally Kittunni relented. "Why are you still sitting here? Go get your wife, its milk time", Kittunni cried out. For a second Mohan looked dazed. Happily he realised his Mother Promise worked. He could now become the dreaded and strict father once again.

"Oyee you are no longer a baby to drink your mother's milk. Shame on you", Mohan said.

"Chill bro chill. I asked for fridge milk, not Manju milk ok? I am still small enough to enter Kitchen no. You still don't know how to make a tea no. So call Manju", Kittu reasoned.

For once Mohan had to agree. "Ok you go get her. And stop calling her by her name"

"You go get her Acha. Unlike you, I have good toilet habits. I am going to do shu shu". 

As Kittunni walked away for his daily ablutions, Mohan realised how fast his Kittunni was growing up. It felt like just yesterday that Kittunni was born. His entry scene was so dramatic that it still gives Mohan the shivers even today.  According to the doctor, the placenta was ruptured and the resultant blood loss was almost fatal to Manjulla. It was as if Kittunni was so impatient to come out after 9 months of quarantine that he did a scissors cut on the placenta to make way.

As Kittunni grew, so did his pranks. Mohan still remembers the admission day "interview" for his play school. When asked for a self introduction, Kittunni gave one they will never forget.

"Hello there, I am Kittunni, Prince of my apartment, defender of secrets of C block 101. Fabulous secret powers would reveal to me that the day I cried my lungs out waking up the neighboring patients in Apollo hospital, I became Kittu, the most goodest boy in the Universe. Only 2 others share this secret - My Acha and my Amma. Together we protect the secret of C block 101 from the evil forces of B block 201"

So much for being a He-man fan I guess. For the unknown, B-201 was where Kittu's arch enemy Karthik stays.

Suddenly a shout comes out of the bathroom. 

"Acha stop dreaming and tell Amma to make my milk. My shu shu is over"

Kittunni's Day Out

A typical non communist mallu starts his day with a trip to the temple. Though his political inclinations are yet to be established, Kittunni starts his day with a trip to Radhamma's house next door. The trip's outcome will decide whether Kittunni has a good start to his day or not. 

"Hmm", he thought as he ransacked Radhamma's kitchen. "Not here eh? Looks like Manu Anna changed the location yet again", he surmised.

Meanwhile Radhamma, whose day starts by "unmessing" Kittunni's mess gave a know-it-all smile to Kittunni.

"Told you Manu changed the location yesterday night", she said.

"Ok Radhamma I believe you", Kittunni said. "But you see he is your son, so it is highly possible that he will emotionally blackmail you to be in his team"

"Wow big words for a 5 year old Kittunni - emotional blackmail!!!", Radhamma said, amused.

"Yeah yeah I know...you see in yesterday's episode Dora emotionally blackmailed Boots and Diego. I don't know what it means but it sounds so biggy biggy", Kittunni said, still deep in thought.

"Ok I will give you a hint - TV", Radhamma said with a wink.

"TV???" Kittunni looked confused. How can it be in the TV? Even he knows that nothing that is shown in the TV is real. He had learnt this through the hard way when he was a baby. He mistook a deliciously looking ice cream ad being played on TV as real and ended up licking the TV!!! "

"Yuck", Kittunni thought, returning from the flashback. "I was indeed a dumb kid 3 years back". Then patting himself he smiled. "Luckily you are a brilliant boy now Kittu. You are the pride of your family". 

Then suddenly the thought stuck him. "Aha I think I know what Radhamma meant". Slowly he made his way to the TV, knelt down and opened the cabinet below the TV. Lo and behold, there it was, like a glow in the dark, Kittunni finally found his treasure - Manu's chocolate jar!!!

"Radhamma, your son never learns. He thinks he can change his hiding position everyday and keep his chocolates hidden from me. Tell him that is never going to happen"

"Ok boss", Radhamma smiled.

And just like the mallu who receives his prasadam from the priest with a content heart,  Kittunni took his day's quota of chocolates from the treasure trove with a satisfaction that was unmatched.

As he was happily returning to his home, munching and trying to extract the last drop of sweetness from his prasadam, he was greeted by an angry looking Manjulla who was standing at the doorway with crossed arms and fiery eyes.

"Oops", Kittunni smile vanished. 

Chocolates were banned in Kittunni's house and this was the reason behind his daily treasure hunt in Radhamma's house.

He started thinking fast. He decided to go with flattery.

"Good morning Amma. You look very beautiful. I am sure you used Santoor soap today. Didn't anyone ask you which college you were studying? If you want I will run and hug you calling Mummmmmmy when someone asks you that question"

No reduction in his Amma's angry looks. Flattery doesn't seem to be working today.

"What the hell are you eating", she asked angrily. 

"Err Ragi biscuits?", Kittunni replied, with a sheepish smile. Manjulla's eye brows curved. She knew that smile of his. It is his smile-and-get-away expression. It is not going to work today.

"Ok sorry, it's chocolates", Kittunni confessed.

"Haven't I told you eating chocolates is bad for your health", Manjulla continued, in her angry voice.

"Radhamma gave it to me so I had to take it. If I don't take it she will feel bad no? She is very old no? What if I say No and then she gets some heart problems. I was helpless. I did this for her Amma", Kittunni replied with a what-else-can-I-do expression.

"What???". Manjulla couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You never have that sentiments when she offers you fruits or vegetables"

"Ahh. You see then I will feel bad if I say yes. I am very young no?I don't want anything bad happening to me either. I love me no?", Kittunni replied with a matter-of-factly expression.

Manjulla was at her wits end. 

"Get back into the house. Your class is going to start", she shouted.

Kittunni didn't realise that it was time for his online class to start. He obediently followed his mother and sat in front of the laptop.  Within few minutes Kittunni's online class was underway.

"Good morning children", Kittunni's teacher Sulochanna said. "Today we are going to study about insects. I will be showing you picture of insects and you have to tell me the insect's name, ok? 

"Okkkk Teacheeeeer", the children answered in unison.

"And if you have any doubts, don't hesitate to speak up, ok children?"

"Okkkkk Teacheeeer"

A honey bee's picture cropped up on the screen. "Ok Mini, you tell me which insect is this?", Sulochanna Teacher asked one of the other students.

"Honey bee", Mini gave the answer. 

"Good girl Mini. We will go to the next picture", Sulochanna Teacher said.

Next an ant's picture came up. "Ok Kittuni your chance, what is this?"

"Ant", Kittunni replied. 

"Indeed. Very good", Sulochanna Teacher replied.

"But teacher I have a doubt", Kittunni asked, hands raised. "Oh no...don't don't", Manjulla silently prayed to Durga Ma. Kittunni was famous for his extraordinary doubts.

"Sure Kittunni, what is your doubt?", Sulochanna teacher replied, happy that someone was taking interest in her class.

"Is that the ant's butt?", Kittunni asked, pointing to the rear section of the picture

"Whaaat?", Sulochanna teacher was caught off guard. "Hmm yeah". She didn't know what else to say.

"Why is it sooo bigggg?", Kittunni asked, with both hands extended to the sides to show to her teacher how big she meant.  "See here my butt is very small and cute. But this ant butt very big. Why?".

Manjulla gasped. "What the hell is he upto", she thought. But the video was on and she couldn't do anything else other than looking on helplessly. To be fair, the picture on the screen was so enlarged that the ant did indeed look like having an overgrown ass.

"Err Kittunni, you see ants need to carry food for winter", Sulochanna teacher replied, thinking how best to answer this.

"Ants store food inside their butt? Is that why it is so big". Kittunni asked, with a finger on his chin and trying to make a mental picture.

Manjulla couldn't take it any more. She ran away from the laptop, leaving Sulochanna teacher to fend for herself.

"No no, not like that", Sulochanna teacher was lost for words. "You see Kittunni, they need to carry heavy loads like food and other materials so they need a strong back".

Then something clicked for Kittunni. "Aah Teacher now I understand. My father goes to gym, put muscles inside his hands and lifts things. So Ant also goes to gym, puts muscles inside his butt and lift things. Correct, no?"

Sulochanna teacher looked on without speaking for 2 whole seconds. 

"Yes dear that is how it works", she sighed with a sense of resignation.

After a productive classroom session and evening play, it soon became night time. Time for Kittunni and Mohan to go to bed. Every night Kittunni and his dad spent sometime lying on the bed and reading books before going to sleep. Kittunni reads Adventures of Dora series and his dad some random book. 

But today Kittunni felt sleepy earlier than usual.

"Acha go to sleep, I need to sleep", Kittunni said, with a big yawn

"Kittu, You sleep. I will read for some more time. I will sleep after that", Mohan replied

"Acha, I have class tomorrow. So I have to sleep. So you also sleep"

"I told you to go to sleep if you want, I will sleep after sometime"

"Acha, don't disturb me go to sleep", Kittunni continued.

"What the hell?" anger rising in Mohan's voice. "I am not even talking to you so how can I disturb you. You are the one who is disturbing me. Go go to sleep you brat", Mohan shouted in anger.

Kittunni gets up and sits near Mohan's face. He brings his face close to Mohan's.

"Go to sleep", Kittunni said, in as much icy voice a 5 year old could conjure up.

"For heavens sake go to sleep you weasel", Mohan shouted.

No change in reaction from Kittunni. He kept staring at Mohan's face, their noses barely separated. Tension in the air.

Mohan was the first to relent.

"Ok compromise. No need to sleep. You just lie down somewhere and don't disturb me", he said

"Oh my Ayyappa Swami!!!" Kittunni cried out. "How can you even say that? I am a small boy, I need my sleep. Why are you telling me to just lie down instead of telling me to go to sleep. Are you even a father?"

"Then SLEEEEEEEP @#$%&^!@##!!!!", Mohan shouted

"You sleep"

Smoke started coming out from Mohan's ears. 

AAARRRHHHHGGGG!!!!

Mohan glared at Kittunni, closed the book and put the blanket over his head. All the regional, national and international cuss words were flowing under the blanket.

Kittunni could finally get some sleep. He laid down on the bed. Then thinking of something, he turned his head sideways and looked at his dad covered by the blanket. "One more thing. Don't disturb me by snoring. I need to sleep"

Sounds of hair being plucked out could be heard from under the blanket.