It was a Monday morning. As if that was not bad enough, an important client, Mr Tataka from Japan, was visiting the office today. And if that was enough, it fell upon Mohan to personally welcome him and make him feel at home. It was an important deal that Mohan's company had been following up for last few months and it was in the final stages.
All this came down to one single point - Mohan had to reach office by 9 AM sharp that day, come what may. Unlike Indians, the Japanese had a very bad habit of reaching office on time - which means he had to reach office by 9 AM IST - International Standard Time and not IST - Indian Standard Time - where 9 AM can mean any time between 9 AM and 9 PM.
Motivational levels for Mohan had reached its crescendo that day - making it pretty easy for Mohan to jump out of his bed in an instant on a Monday morning. But not so for Manjulla and Kittunni. Each of them had their legs on the other's face. After all no one from Japan or Nigeria is coming to see them.
Mohan looked up at the clock - “Damn! Its already 7:30. How the hell will I get to office on time”
Technically speaking, covering 7 kms should be a matter of 20 minutes in any city, but then this is not any city - This is Bangalore. If you live in Bangalore, you can order your breakfast via Swiggy in the middle of the road, get it delivered and finish it and still the car in front of you would not have moved even an inch. The honking, the distant wail of an ambulance stuck in traffic and the occasional cow deciding to take a nap in the middle of the road are enough to remind you that Newton's laws of motion never works in Bangalore - distance here is measured in hours rather than kilometers.
“Get up you lazybones, I have to reach office on time”, Mohan pleaded.
As if by practice or shared genetics - no one knows, two hands came out of their blankets followed by a chorus - "Five minutes”. And then the snoring resumed.
“What coordination”, thought an irritated Mohan. Without wasting anymore time, he then went on to complete his morning activities and get ready.
By 7:45 sharp Mohan was ready. Expecting Manjulla and Kittunni to have done their part, he came straight to the kitchen expecting a delicious breakfast to begin the day. The kitchen was empty - just some flies looking for its own breakfast in the kitchen sink. Confused, he went into the bedroom. The mother son duo was still practicing complex yoga postures in their bed.
“GET UPPPP!!!!”, he shouted with the entire strength he had in his vocal chords.
Just like a Robot that swings into action on the push of a button, so did both of them jump out of the bed and went straight to their respective bathrooms. Messing with Mohan when he had a client visit was the last thing both Manjulla and Kittunni had wanted - Mohan turns into a rampaging bull drunk on ten bottles of vodka on such occasions - A Complete Lunatic.
By 8:10 Kittunni and Mohan were ready to roll. Though breakfast was a disaster - yesterday's leftover chapathis - it didn't matter. Reaching office on time was of paramount importance today. Nothing else mattered. Since Kittunni's school was on the way to Mohan's office they had not opted for the school bus as Mohan used to drop him at school on the way to his office.
“I just hope I can make it in time”, Mohan said anxiously, looking at his watch.
Manjulla smirked. “Right! Considering it took you just 20 minutes to move out of our apartment parking lot yesterday”
Mohan sighed and started the car.
Five minutes into their drive, they hit the first traffic jam. A grand procession had taken over the main road. There was a big chariot and a big idol of Ganesha on it. The charioteer was blissfully unaware that hundreds of angry eyes were staring at him with murderous intent.
“Acha, why is that uncle riding on a chariot in the middle of the road? Did his car break down?”, Kittuni asked innocently.
“Because he is a nutcase”, Mohan replied, anger boiling inside him
“What's a nutcase? A case full of nuts? Cashewnuts or peanuts? Also is Almond a nut?”, Kittunni asked.
Mohan's head started spinning.
“Please keep quiet for 5 minutes please!”, he begged.
Thirty minutes later, they had moved exactly 500 meters. The school was nowhere in sight.
“How about I walk to school?” Kittunni asked.
“Shut up!” Mohan replied, irritated and angry.
“I bet I will reach faster than this dumb car”, Kittunni snapped back.
While Mohan was contemplating a response, a biker appeared from nowhere and zoomed past, narrowly missing their side mirror. Mohan jumped up and thrust his entire body out of the door window.
“You good for nothing idiot! You and your entire family will rot in hell for the next 10 generations.” Mohan shouted, flailing his hands wildly like a mad man. No one can mess with Mohan on a client visit day.
As Mohan wiggled back his bulky body back through the door window, he saw Kittunni staring at him, looking nonplussed.
“What? Its his fault. You saw how rashly he was driving...and that too on the footpath?”, Mohan said in a defensive tone
“Language Acha Language!” Kittunni gasped. “Parents are supposed to be role models. I have such a pathetic role model in my life. I am definitely reporting this to Amma!”
“ Ungrateful wretch”, Mohan thought in his mind, but he couldn't afford to get in the wrong side of Manjulla. He quickly changed his tone.
“Ahem..I actually meant to say...Hmm...what an intelligent driver! Very creative way of using the footpath as a highway”
Kittunni nodded his head in approval.
Finally after 45 minutes of fighting the traffic, they finally reached the school. Mohan turned around to find Kittunni grinning.
“I told you I could have walked and reached earlier” he said smugly.
Mohan sighed. “C'mon fast. I am getting late”
Without waiting for a response, Mohan picked up Kittunni as if he was just a paper cup and ran towards the school gate.
“Hello Mohan sir, how are you today”, the security at the gate greeted Mohan.
“Hello Shantaram.....All good.....Hope the classes have not started", Mohan replied, trying to catch his breath in between.
“Classes? What classes sir? There are no classes today sirji”, Shantaram replied, looking confused.
“Sorry What?”, Mohan asked, equally confused.
“Yes sir. Today is Ganesh Chaturthi. Remember?”, Shantaram replied.
The world came tumbling down around Mohan
“What the hell will I do with him then?”, Mohan cried out, pointing at Kittunni. Shantaram looked perplexed. “I guess take him back home sirji, what else to do”, he said
What happened next, no one was sure. There was a loud noise and the next moment a body was lying on the ground with tongue out and eyes bulging out. Mohan could see stars circling around his head. An angel, who oddly had the face of his client Tataka and a ring over his head was waving him Tata goodbye and rising towards the sky, laughing all the way. This was followed by 2 more angels with name plates attached to their back. One was called Hike and another was called Promotion. As if that was not enough an angel with an even bigger nameplate came flying to him. The last thing he remembered before passing out was the name written on the nameplate - Dismissal.
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