Trouble is brewing in the country of Bindia on Planet Dharthi, millions of light years from Planet Earth. The Con party, abbreviation for Con-The-Aam-Aadmi party, is in power. But the Prime Minister, Maunvrat Singh, is deeply troubled. Never in his wildest dreams had he expected that the situation would turn so topsy turvy from the days of euphoria of the year 2204 when the party won an unexpected victory over their main competitor The Bindi Janata Party. But 10 years hence the country is going through the worst ever crisis. The arrival of the newest political entrant - The Haram-Aadmi Party lead by the charismatic Arvind Karelawala - only helped the situation to become more unpredictable. With elections just months away, Maunvrat Singh has called for an immediate cabinet meeting to take stock of the situation. The chief of Con Party, Madam GaGa, and her son RaGa have been invited as special attendees.
Soon the Cabinet meeting got underway. The PM, being the head of the Cabinet, addressed the members
"Yo Cons, what the hell is happening. The General Elections are few months away and all I hear in the newspapers is Con Party did this, Con Party did that. I mean not even a single day goes without some bad stuff about us getting printed. We ned to get our act together and do something concrete before it is too late. I suggest we carpet bomb all the leading newspapers with our advertisements for next few days highlighting our achievements".
Everyone nodded their heads in agreement. Turning to the party spokesman, DigWig Singh, the PM said
"Digu baby, just list down some of our accomplishments. Read it out loud so that we can review them and send them to all the leading newspapers".
DigWig took out some 5-6 files full of papers. "Sir the list is so long I don't know whether we can fit it into one full length page of a newspaper. We may need 3-4 pages".
Madam GaGa replied, "No problem, we will prioritise them and fit them into one page".
DigWig turned to his files. "Ok so here goes our list of achievements :-
2G Scam
CWG Scam
Coal Mining Scam
Chopper Scam
"Oyee oyee stop stop. Are you ruling party or the opposition party", Madam GaGa cried out.
DigWig looked confused for a second. Then he checked his files again. "Oh sorry wrong list". Then after rummaging through his files he finally managed to find the correct list. Everyone looked at the list. Half of the page was empty. DigWig flipped over the page - Completely EMPTY!!!.
"Hey we are lucky. This list will not even take up one fourth of the paper. We can save a lot on the advertisement costs I guess", DigWig shouted in excitement.
She threw a hard stare at Digu. Steam gushed out from Madam GaGa's ears. Her face was all puffed up and red. One could easily have made an egg omlette on it. Digu felt his pants go wet.
The PM looked dejected. "Hmm so what if we don't have much to showcase to the people, we must somehow turn the situation to our advantage so that we can win the next elections and return to power".
"But how?", everyone asked.Everyone put on their thinking caps to come up with some ideas to avoid the impending electoral disaster.
Suddenly a cunning smile spread across the PM's face. "We will unleash our Brahmastra".
"Brahmastra? What is that", Madam GaGa asked. The PM continued smiling and pointed his finger. Everyone turned their heads to see what the PM was pointing to. RaGa got the shock of his life. The PM was pointing in his direction.
"What??Me? What can I do", RaGa asked, in a surprise voice.
"Since RaGa is our unofficial PM candidate, we will arrange for an interview for RaGa which will be telecast across the globe. We will utilise this interview to showcase how much our party has worked for the people. Along with that, people will also understand what a great person our PM candidate is. This interview will be one hell of a game changer".
Madam GaGa was not convinced. She took the PM aside and whispered, "You sure about this? He has never faced an interview before in his life".
"Trust me, you will thank me later for this wonderful plan", the PM assured Madam GaGa.
The PM continued. "My Intelligency agency has informed me about a wonderful interviewer named Kharab Goswami. His speciality is that he never asks his own questions. He asks only those questions which the Nation wants to know. In the entire duration of the interview he keeps shouting for 90% of the time. So RaGa will need to open his mouth for just 10 or 15 minutes. The rest of the time this Kharab guy will keep barking".
"Oh that is great. So we need to make sure RaGa has contents for just those 10-15 minutes right. Cool. I will call up my secretary Mohammad Patel and instruct him to tutor RaGa for his interview".
Thus plans got underway for the what came to be marketed as "The Greatest Interview of the year".
Meanwhile Mr Patel started tutoring RaGa. "So sir, since we need to open our mouths for just 10-15 mins, we have to make sure we highlight our achievements as much as possible in that small window. Thus we need to focus on the following points :-
"Cool. So simple eh? I guess this interview will be just a piece of cake", RaGa surmised.
Finally the D-Day arrived. RaGa and Patel started from their party office and soon reached the studio where the interview was going to take place. After freshening up for 5-10 minutes, both the interviewer and the interviewee took their respective seats and soon the interview got underway. Kharab initiated the start of the interview
"Sir, first of all let me thank you for providing us with this wonderful opportunity to interview you at length. Let me start with a simple question. Introduce yourself"
"What???"
"Sir Please introduce yourself".
"Oh ok. I am RaGa".
Silence for about a minute
"Yes?", Kharab asked, "Please continue"
"Nothing. I am RaGa", RaGa replied.
"Sir The Nation wants to know who you are", Kharab asked, raising a voice a bit.
"And the Nation knows I am RaGa", RaGa replied back.
"I meant more than just name. Ok fine we will move on to the next question. Are you the Con Party's PM candidate"
"Kharab I am very glad that you asked me this question. It is very important to understand the importance of understanding the importance of processes. You see it is very important to introduce various processes to make this important system work. I am working with my party workers to introduce various important processes within the party", RaGa replied, with a gentle smile on the face.
"Yeah all the best for that but are you the Con Party's PM candidate?", Kharab repeated his question.
"Exactly my point. You see the system has failed our people. This is because people need to understand the importance of processes to make our system work. That is what I have been trying to do for the past few months. Make the system work by bringing in more processes".
"Sir I can assure you that you have made me understand how much processes means to you, but please answer my specific question. Sir the Nation wants to know are you the Con Party's PM candidate".
"To answer this query you must understand who RaGa is. You need to understand his history, his background, his biodata, his eating habits, what time he goes to sleep, what time he gets up, what time he goes to toilet, when he brushes his teeth etc etc. No problem I will help you out. It all started 30 years ago. I was 5 years old then. One day as I was walking down my garden....." .
Even after 5 minutes, no end seemed in sight. Kharab didn't know what to do.
"Sir?"
RaGa stopped his monolgue. "Yes?"
"I think the Nation has got the answer. Shall move to the next question", Kharab asked.
"But I have only reached till the age of 16. I have 15 more years to cover", RaGa replied.
"Maybe some other time sir. Now that you have clearly explained whether you are the Con Party candidate or not, my next question is what is your personal opinion about the Bindi Party's candidate Parmender Goti. It has been widely reported that some Con Party members like the Law Minister Mr Kapil Civil and Oil Minister Veerapan Oily have made fun of his history of working in Cafe Coffee Day long time ago".
"As you are specifically asking for my personal opinion, I will give it to you. In my opinion we need to empower the women of the country. We need to change the system. We need to bring in processes. Hence RTI is the way forward".
"That is fine, but what is your opinion on Mr Goti", Kharab asked, his voice exposing his irritation with each question
"Women need to be empowered"
"Yeah we will do that, but what about Mr Goti. Sir the Nation wants to know your opinion", Kharab asked in an almost pleading tone.
"We will empower women through RTI".
Kharab started crying. "Sir, please please please tell something about Mr Goti".
"We will change the system through important processes and hence women will be empowered"
Kharab could take it no more. He fainted.
Next day the news headlines read as follows.
"The Nation wants to know when Kharab will come out of Coma".
Soon the Cabinet meeting got underway. The PM, being the head of the Cabinet, addressed the members
"Yo Cons, what the hell is happening. The General Elections are few months away and all I hear in the newspapers is Con Party did this, Con Party did that. I mean not even a single day goes without some bad stuff about us getting printed. We ned to get our act together and do something concrete before it is too late. I suggest we carpet bomb all the leading newspapers with our advertisements for next few days highlighting our achievements".
Everyone nodded their heads in agreement. Turning to the party spokesman, DigWig Singh, the PM said
"Digu baby, just list down some of our accomplishments. Read it out loud so that we can review them and send them to all the leading newspapers".
DigWig took out some 5-6 files full of papers. "Sir the list is so long I don't know whether we can fit it into one full length page of a newspaper. We may need 3-4 pages".
Madam GaGa replied, "No problem, we will prioritise them and fit them into one page".
DigWig turned to his files. "Ok so here goes our list of achievements :-
2G Scam
CWG Scam
Coal Mining Scam
Chopper Scam
"Oyee oyee stop stop. Are you ruling party or the opposition party", Madam GaGa cried out.
DigWig looked confused for a second. Then he checked his files again. "Oh sorry wrong list". Then after rummaging through his files he finally managed to find the correct list. Everyone looked at the list. Half of the page was empty. DigWig flipped over the page - Completely EMPTY!!!.
"Hey we are lucky. This list will not even take up one fourth of the paper. We can save a lot on the advertisement costs I guess", DigWig shouted in excitement.
She threw a hard stare at Digu. Steam gushed out from Madam GaGa's ears. Her face was all puffed up and red. One could easily have made an egg omlette on it. Digu felt his pants go wet.
The PM looked dejected. "Hmm so what if we don't have much to showcase to the people, we must somehow turn the situation to our advantage so that we can win the next elections and return to power".
"But how?", everyone asked.Everyone put on their thinking caps to come up with some ideas to avoid the impending electoral disaster.
Suddenly a cunning smile spread across the PM's face. "We will unleash our Brahmastra".
"Brahmastra? What is that", Madam GaGa asked. The PM continued smiling and pointed his finger. Everyone turned their heads to see what the PM was pointing to. RaGa got the shock of his life. The PM was pointing in his direction.
"What??Me? What can I do", RaGa asked, in a surprise voice.
"Since RaGa is our unofficial PM candidate, we will arrange for an interview for RaGa which will be telecast across the globe. We will utilise this interview to showcase how much our party has worked for the people. Along with that, people will also understand what a great person our PM candidate is. This interview will be one hell of a game changer".
Madam GaGa was not convinced. She took the PM aside and whispered, "You sure about this? He has never faced an interview before in his life".
"Trust me, you will thank me later for this wonderful plan", the PM assured Madam GaGa.
The PM continued. "My Intelligency agency has informed me about a wonderful interviewer named Kharab Goswami. His speciality is that he never asks his own questions. He asks only those questions which the Nation wants to know. In the entire duration of the interview he keeps shouting for 90% of the time. So RaGa will need to open his mouth for just 10 or 15 minutes. The rest of the time this Kharab guy will keep barking".
"Oh that is great. So we need to make sure RaGa has contents for just those 10-15 minutes right. Cool. I will call up my secretary Mohammad Patel and instruct him to tutor RaGa for his interview".
Thus plans got underway for the what came to be marketed as "The Greatest Interview of the year".
Meanwhile Mr Patel started tutoring RaGa. "So sir, since we need to open our mouths for just 10-15 mins, we have to make sure we highlight our achievements as much as possible in that small window. Thus we need to focus on the following points :-
- Women Empowerment
- Strengthening Processes
- RTI - Right To Information Act
- Change The System
"Cool. So simple eh? I guess this interview will be just a piece of cake", RaGa surmised.
Finally the D-Day arrived. RaGa and Patel started from their party office and soon reached the studio where the interview was going to take place. After freshening up for 5-10 minutes, both the interviewer and the interviewee took their respective seats and soon the interview got underway. Kharab initiated the start of the interview
"Sir, first of all let me thank you for providing us with this wonderful opportunity to interview you at length. Let me start with a simple question. Introduce yourself"
"What???"
"Sir Please introduce yourself".
"Oh ok. I am RaGa".
Silence for about a minute
"Yes?", Kharab asked, "Please continue"
"Nothing. I am RaGa", RaGa replied.
"Sir The Nation wants to know who you are", Kharab asked, raising a voice a bit.
"And the Nation knows I am RaGa", RaGa replied back.
"I meant more than just name. Ok fine we will move on to the next question. Are you the Con Party's PM candidate"
"Kharab I am very glad that you asked me this question. It is very important to understand the importance of understanding the importance of processes. You see it is very important to introduce various processes to make this important system work. I am working with my party workers to introduce various important processes within the party", RaGa replied, with a gentle smile on the face.
"Yeah all the best for that but are you the Con Party's PM candidate?", Kharab repeated his question.
"Exactly my point. You see the system has failed our people. This is because people need to understand the importance of processes to make our system work. That is what I have been trying to do for the past few months. Make the system work by bringing in more processes".
"Sir I can assure you that you have made me understand how much processes means to you, but please answer my specific question. Sir the Nation wants to know are you the Con Party's PM candidate".
"To answer this query you must understand who RaGa is. You need to understand his history, his background, his biodata, his eating habits, what time he goes to sleep, what time he gets up, what time he goes to toilet, when he brushes his teeth etc etc. No problem I will help you out. It all started 30 years ago. I was 5 years old then. One day as I was walking down my garden....." .
Even after 5 minutes, no end seemed in sight. Kharab didn't know what to do.
"Sir?"
RaGa stopped his monolgue. "Yes?"
"I think the Nation has got the answer. Shall move to the next question", Kharab asked.
"But I have only reached till the age of 16. I have 15 more years to cover", RaGa replied.
"Maybe some other time sir. Now that you have clearly explained whether you are the Con Party candidate or not, my next question is what is your personal opinion about the Bindi Party's candidate Parmender Goti. It has been widely reported that some Con Party members like the Law Minister Mr Kapil Civil and Oil Minister Veerapan Oily have made fun of his history of working in Cafe Coffee Day long time ago".
"As you are specifically asking for my personal opinion, I will give it to you. In my opinion we need to empower the women of the country. We need to change the system. We need to bring in processes. Hence RTI is the way forward".
"That is fine, but what is your opinion on Mr Goti", Kharab asked, his voice exposing his irritation with each question
"Women need to be empowered"
"Yeah we will do that, but what about Mr Goti. Sir the Nation wants to know your opinion", Kharab asked in an almost pleading tone.
"We will empower women through RTI".
Kharab started crying. "Sir, please please please tell something about Mr Goti".
"We will change the system through important processes and hence women will be empowered"
Kharab could take it no more. He fainted.
Next day the news headlines read as follows.
"The Nation wants to know when Kharab will come out of Coma".
