My quest for food

Most of our lives we keep running after money. But sometimes experience shows us that money can't buy everything. There will be occasions when it won't be worth the paper it is printed on. Well I had once such experience today.

The summer vacations are on in IITB. All the students have returned home for two and a half months vacations. Well almost all. The Mtech guys have no such good fortune. Apart from some 10-15 days, we have to continue to stay in the campus and "work" on our Mtech project. O hell yeah work we certainly do. We work on "LOST", we work on "FRIENDS" and most importantly we work on our thesis "How to sleep beyond 12 hours". Since most of the students are not in campus, almost all the hostel messes have been closed for vacation. Out of the very few open hostel messes, I have my food at H12 mess. There we can take a 15 day card for Rs 825.

As usual I got up today morning at 9 am. I then washed my face, brushed my teeth, put on a shirt and was about to go to H12 when I remembered

"O crap, my food card had expired yesterday"

Luckily I had the required amount in my wallet to make another card. So, making my pocket heavier with Rs 825 cash, I made my way to H12 mess. Somehow my stomach was grumbling more than usual (Well usually it grumbles like anything). The smell of the food just made the grumbling worse. I had to look down to my stomach and give it a reassuring look

"Dude hold on for a few more moments, food is on it's way"

I went to the counter, took out the money and stretched it out to the counter guy (CG). The counter guy looked at me and said "What"

Me : "Card"

CG : "Come at 12-12:30"

Me : "Why not now"

CG : "Time is up"

O great.

Me : "Fine atleast give me a Rs 20 coupon for the breakfast"

CG : "Time is up"

Me : "What!!! I am asking for coupon, and not card"

CG : "Time is up"

Man what a horrible way to start the day. Stomach grumbles even more. Fine, I guess I have to go to H7 mess. On reaching H7 mess, I eagerly looked into the food containers.

EMPTY!!!.

I guess I have to do with just tea today. I walked to the tea vessel and opened the tap at the bottom

FIZZZZZZZZZ.....just air comes out

O damn it.

I decide to buy something from H7 canteen

(PS: Canteen is different from mess)

I walk to the H7 canteen.

LOCKED!!!

Man, why aren't shops open when people need food the most. I stood their pondering over my options.

Fruit juice shop....naa low probability of opening.
CCD.....naa too far away.
H6 Canteen....nopes, will open only at 2 pm.
How about skipping the breakfast....GRRRR...the grumble from below reaches a crescendo.

So there I was standing, with around around 800 rupees in my pocket, and yet unable to get something to eat. By this time sounds started coming out, literally, from my stomach and passers-by looking at me suspiciously trying to see from where the sounds were coming. I made my way back to my room. Well I guess it was a good learning experience, though some grunting noise from below tells me that not all parts of my body agree with me.

The great CSE debate

CAUTION : There may be many grammer mistakes in the hindi conversations below.

Many of my friends in my batch are specializing in different fields of computer science namely databases, networks, operating systems etc. Now let's imagine a situation where these guys are talking about their area of specialization. Let's see what happens. The scene is the DMC lab. As usual Adil, Guruji(Akshat), Chotu(Prashima), Riju are some of the many DMCers in the lab.
Suddenly...

Adil : "Aree yaar, databases nehi hota tho ye zindagi bhi kya zindagi hota"
[Dude, what is this life without databases]

Guruji : "Networks kya kuch kam hei...tu internet ke bina jee sakthe ho kya?"
[Whoa as if networks is not good enough...can u imagine a life without internet?]

Adil : "Magar internet ka data store karne ke liye databases chahiye na..."
[But then you need a database to store the internet's right]

Guruji : "Internet hi nehi hei tho tu database ka kya ukaat leega be"
[But what worth is your database if there is no internet at all]

Adil : "Database ke bina tu internet se kya karega...gillii dhanda khelega?"
[But what use is the internet if you don't have a database to save data]

Guruji : "Chal Chotu se pooch lethe hei . Oye Chotu, tu hi samchade isko ki networks bahut badi cheez hoti hei"
[Ok let's ask Chotu about this. Hey Chotu, make this guy understand that networks is a big thing]

Chotu : "Ha"
[Yes]

Adil : "Database bhi phodu cheez hei"
[Databases are also damn great]

Chotu : "Ha"
[Yes]

Guruji : "But networks is more important than databases right"

Chotu : "Ha"
[Yes]

Adil : "Databases is the backbone of any application"

Chotu : "Ha"
[Yes]

Guruji : "Yeh kya ha ha hi bolti jaa rehi hei. Kabhie tho na bhi bol"
[What is this yes yes all the time. Atleast say no once in a while]

Chotu : "Ha"
[Yes]

Guruji : $%#$^%^*$#@#%$

Guruji : "Oyee Somil, tu Adil ko samchao ki networks ko koi hara nehi saktha"
[Hey Somil, make Adil understand that no one can defeat networks]

Somil : "Kuch bhi ho Buchi is the best"
[Whatever is the case, Buchi is the best]

(PS: Buchi is a term used in theoretical computer science)

Guruji : "Burji? Kya burji? Egg burji? Burji kaha se aagaya yaha pe"
[Burji? What burji? Egg burji? What is egg burji doing here?]

Somil : "Abee saale, burji nehi buchi...buchi automata...kya sahi concept hei yaar"
[Idiot, not burji...it's buchi....buchi automata...what a sexy concept dude]

Guruji : "Koi isko yaha se leke jaa. Yaha mei networks aur database ke baare mei pooch raha hu aur ye bol raha hei burji aur bhajji ke baare mei".
[Someone please take this guy from here. Here I asking about networks and databases and this guy wants to talk about burjis and bhajjis]

Adil : "Chal Anand se hi pooch lethe hei. "
[Let's ask Anand about this....]

Adil : "Hey Anand, which do you think is more important...database or networks"

Anand : "Statistically speaking database is important, but probabilistically speaking networks is important too"

Adil : "Err and that means...?"

Anand : "Statistically speaking database is....."

Adil : "Yeah we heard that. Just tell us in plain english what it means"

Anand : "Err sorry I don't know plain english. I know only plain data mining and plain machine learning".

Just then our ex-CR Aaditya walked into the lab.

Guruji : "Hey Aadi, which, in your opinion is more important, databases or networks"

Aaditya : "He looked into the mirror. He saw his reflection. It was looking back at him. Mirrors are like life. It reflects what we actually are"

Guruji : Hey bhagwaan ek aur blog!!!....Maine tere kya bigaada hei be...ek chotta sa sawal hi tho maine poocha tha...oske liye itna bada dhand?
[Oh no not ur blog again!!!..Have I ever wronged you in anyway...all I asked you was a question...and for that so big a punishment???]

Adil (shouting) : "Vinu Vinu..come here"

Vinu : "Yeah?"

Adil : "Dude, we have a problem here. We are having a debate as to which is more important, networks or database. We need an answer to that. What do you think"

Vinu : "I too don't know the answer, but I will ask Alex and get back to you"

Adil : "Alex? Which Alex? Ooo Alex the Phd guy ????"

Vinu : "Naa Alex the ManU guy...as in Alex Ferguson, the Manchester United's manager. There is nothing in the world that he doesn't know. Will mail him today itself"

Adil (looking at Guruji) : "Abhi tuk sirf suna tha ki football logom ko pagal banathe hei...abhi dekh raha hu"
[Till now I have only heard that football can make people go crazy...well now I got to see it in real]

Just then Vishal comes in. This guy has been watching the FRIENDS series for the last 2 weeks, the effect of which is that only english words flow out when he opens his mouth.

Adil : "Hey Vishal, tu batha, kaun sa technology better hei, Networks or Database?"
[Hey Vishal, you tell us which technology is better. Networks or Database]

Vishal : "You asking me which is batter?"

Adil : "Abee batter nehi be, the word is better"
[Dude, the word is to be pronounced as "better", and not as "batter"]

Vishal :"Oo is it then I batter pronounce the word as batter and not batter"

Adil : "Abee better bol"
[Dude pronounce it as "better"]

Vishal :"Yeah right batter"

Adil : "BETTERRRRRRRRRRRRR"

Vishal : "Exactly...Batter"

Adil : "@$#$@!%^&#$#........woh chod, answer bol"
[Getting frustrated...Ok leave that, tell the answer]

Vishal : "Answer...hmm..I batter don't know"

Adil : "Saale bhag yaha se"
[Idiot, GET OUT!!!]

Vishal : "Yeah I batter go"

Suddenly a loud laugh was heard.."HEHEHEHEHHE...."
As usual it was Riju...

Guruji : "Dekh humare PhD bandi. Osko tho patha hona hi chahiye. Osse hi pooch lete hei"
[Look it's our PhD girl. She should be knowing the answer. Let's ask her]

Guruji goes to Riju

Guruji : "Riju ji I have a question to ask. Do you think....."

Even before Guruji could finish asking the question, Riju started laughing again.
Riju : "HEHEHEHE..."

Poor Guruji thought she was laughing at him. He looks down to make sure his zip was closed. Hmm no problem there. Then he looks at Adil

Guruji (whispering) : "Psst Adil...mere pant ke peeche check kar...koi hole tho nehi na"
[Hey Adil, just check the back of my pant and see whether it's torn]

Adil checks and replies in negative. Guruji looked relieved. Then he looks at Riju

Guruji : "Itne bhi hasne ki kya baath hei"
[What's there to laugh so much?]

Riju (Very innocently): "Patha nehi...hehehhehehehe"
[(in an innocent tone) I don't know...starts laughing again]

Guruji : "Hasne ke alawa kuch karthi bhi ho aap"
[Do you do anything else other than laughing???]

Riju : "Patha nehi...hehhehehehe"
[(in an innocent tone) I don't know...starts laughing again]

Guruji : "Yeh patha nehi patha nehi kya hei"
[What do you mean "I don't know"]

Riju : "Patha nehi....hehehehehehe"
[I don't know....again starts laughing]

Guruji (to Adil) : "Aaj H11 ke breakfast laughing gas tha kya???"
[Was laughing gas served for breakfast in H11 today???]

(PS : H11 is the girls' hostel)

Thus the great CSE debate rages on...

Wireless troubles

Disclaimer: As usual, a highly exaggerated version of some true incidents

"Abee darwaza khol"
[Open the door]

No use. It takes more than that to awaken the sleeping giant (me).

"Kamine dharwaza khol nehi tho thod daloonga"
[Open the door else I will break it open]

The bang on the door just kept growing louder and louder till I knew the resistance level of my door was about to be breached after which my room would have got the dubious distinction of being the only room in the hostel with natural ventilation (ie, no door). Now I wouldn't want such a situation would I?

Me (in my sleepy condition) : "Abee bhen**** mere darwaaza ko chod. Mei aa raha hu"
[ Leave my door alone. I am coming]

On opening the door, I find Vishal standing outside, grinning at me.

Me : "Kya be, mere darwaaze se kuch panga hei kya tuche?"
[You have any problems with my door?]

Vishal : "Wire hei kya tere paas"
[You have any wires?]

Though Vishal and me were conversing in hindi, I was still in my sleep state. In my sleepy condition, I thought we were talking in my native language malayalam...and "wire" in malayalam also means stomach.

For a second I looked confused, then looked down to make sure my "wire" was still there and then looked back at him, looking more confused.

Me : "Ha abhi tuk tho hei"
[It's there till now]

Vishal : "Tho de"
[Then give]

Me : "Kya!!!Tuche mere wire chahiye??? Pagal hua hei kya"
[What!!!You want my wire?Have you gone mad?]

Vishal : "Abe dena yaar"
[Give it dude]

Me : "Saale, tere wire ko kya problem hei ki tuche mere wire chahiye"
[What's the problem with your wire that you want my wire]

Vishal : "Mera kaafi nehi hei"
[Mine is not enough]

Me : "Ha woh tho mei dekh saktha hu. Mere jaise thoda bahut khaana khale, tuche bhi mera wire mil jayega"
[Ya I can see that. Eat more food, like me, and you too will get a good wire like me]

Now the poor chap looked confused. That is when I looked at his hands. He was holding lots of wires, as in cable wires. That is when it occured to me what he was asking for.

Vishal : "Abee project kar raha hu...tere paas koi wire hei tho dede...project ke liye chahiye. Mere paas jitna hei, woh kaafi nehi hei"
[Dude, we are doing a project. We need some wires for it. If you have some then give it. We need more wires than what we have now.]

Me : "Andar jaake jitna chahiye lele"
[Go inside and take what you want]

Vishal (shouting) : "Oyee Manan, yaha ka wires mil gaya, tu oss room se leke aa...oyee Ganesh tu woh room cover kar"
[Manan, I got the wires from here. Now you try to get some wires from this room and Ganesh, you get it from that room]

I could see that these 3 guys were pulling out wires from all the rooms in my wing.

Me : "Kaun sa project kar raha hei be"
[Which project are you doing]

Vishal : "Wireless networks"

Me : "Kya!!!wireLESS networks????wiresONLY networks bol"
[What!!!wireLESS networks????you are joking right? You must mean wiresONLY networks right]

Vishal : "Abee tu nehi samchoge. Tu jaa"
[Leave it, u won't understand]

Well he did have a point. Networks were never my cup of tea. But then a natural question that arises is shouldn't a wireless project be done without wires???


After getting my morning sleep screwed up by big guys doing some wireless project using wires, I thought I may as well go to the lab. I took a bath, had my breakfast and started going to the lab. As I left my room, I could hear Vishal shouting to some guy on the 3rd floor :-
"ABEE WIRE NEECHE DAAL"
[Drop the wire down]

As usual the DMC lab was full. This week was going to be a tight week for all the first year Mtech guys since everyone had some project or assignment submission deadline coming up soon. Adil, Chander, Riju, Ajinkya, Ramesh, Vaibhao, Rakesh, Chotu, Saurab were some of the people who were already in the lab. Everyone was busy doing big things on the computers/laptops, looking damn serious. Suddenly there was a cry.

"Yipeee we received the packets, we received the packets"

When I turned to look at the source of the cry, I saw Riju dancing (looked like bharatanatyam to me, but in all possibilities she may have actually attempted to do break-dance which ended up looking like bharatanatyam). But the first picture that suddenly came to me, on seeing Riju, was that of Riju thumping her chest, like Tarzan, and screaming "OOOOOOOO........"

But her partner, Ajinkya, was looking at her, confused. "But I didn't sent any packets. Then how did we receive it"

Riju (Shocked) : "You didn't sent???"

Ajinkya : "Nopes"

I looked at Riju. "You too Wireless", I asked. She nodded. O great, one more wireless project. Well, atleast their project didn't have wires.

Meanwhile in the other corner of the lab, a few minutes back :

Ramesh : "Abee Vaibhao, where did our packets go. You sent them right?"

Vaibhao : "Yups"

Ramesh : "Then where is it"

Vaibhao : "How do I know"

That is when the explosion, in the form of Riju's shouting, was heard throughout the lab.

Ramesh : "Hmm I think I know, where our packets went".

The situation continued for a long time, Ramesh's team senting the packets and Riju's team gobbling them up. As I sat down in front of my computer to do my work, I could visualise packets with names Ramesh and Vaibhao on them, flying around the DMC lab, trying their best to get back to their masters' laptops, but unable to do so since a blackhole called Riju was busy eating them up.