The day Brocade stood still

Disclaimer : As usual a good amount of masala and exaggeration added

3 weeks after our UDP (University Development Program) commenced, the final day had arrived when we were all going to "graduate" with flying colors. But before that glory were to be bestowed upon us, we had to prove our worth before an audience consisting of our managers and other fellow UDPers. As mentioned in my last post, the 31 UDPers were divided into 4 groups. On the final day, each team had to make a presentation and present it before the audience. Each member of each team would have to speak for about 2-3 minutes and the total time allotted for each team was 20 minutes. We were given instructions by our program coordinator, Eve, to use all the skills we had acquired during our UDP days to make a world class presentation. Oh yeah it was indeed world class, nothing less.

Finally the moment came. Team 1 members came up. Their topic was

"How will Brocade decide whether an application needs to be developed in-house or bought from a 3rd party vendor"

The team did a great job. They had researched their topic well and presented a series of steps and processes outlining  how the company can take a firm decision as to whether it needs buy or develop a tool. At the end of their 20 minutes they received a big applause from the audience.

The next was the Question and Answer session. For the first few seconds there was silence. No questions. Then our heroine, Ojasvita stepped forward

"C'mon guys ask questions".

Still no response.

"If you don't ask questions then it either means you understood everything or you understood nothing"

The UDPers from other team were wondering what she was upto. Each of the team was praying hard that the managers don't ask any questions to us but here was a Jhansi ki Rani who is asking the managers to shoot her questions. Well anyway her wish was granted. One manager stood up.

"Ok so here is my question. Now suppose after following  the process you just described, we decided to go for a 3rd party tool, what should we do if , after sometime, the 3rd party vendor refuses to provide support for the software they provide".

Total Silence.

After some seconds, Ojas spoke up.

"Yes very good question. Err Karamveer, why don't you come forward and answer this question", Ojas replied, stepping back and pointing to her teammate.

Karamveer felt as if someone just slapped him on both his cheeks.

"What!!!", he replied. Suddenly he realized he was standing in front of his managers.

"Yes yes good question. Hmm and the answer is...hmm....err...Sandeep I think you can answer this better".

Sandeep felt as if he was electrocuted. He started thinking fast.

"Right, I can answer, but I think this is Mritunjay's domain. Jay what do you feel".

"I feel like punching your nose" Jay wanted to answer, but he restrained himself.

Jay started coughing. "I would have loved to answer, but you see I am not feeling that well. Ojas I guess you can answer it yourself", Jay said and continued coughing.

Miraculously his coughing stopped once Ojas, feeling no way out, started answering the question herself.

Somehow Ojas, using all her UDP acquired skills, managed to convince the manager that in case the 3rd party vendor did such a heinous act, Brocade should just go and kick the vendor's ass. That would solve all the problems.

 The next team to present was team2. Their topic was
"Suggest innovations in Brocade process flow to improve efficiency"

These poor guys had to study the entire Brocade processes and then suggest improvements to the managers who has been following this process for well over a decade and knows these processes like the back of their hands!!! But still the team put up a credible performance.

Now came the frightening session - the question and answer part. Since there was no Jhansi ki ranis in their team, no one dared to ask "Do you have any questions". They just kept quiet. But this strategy didn't work. One of the managers stood up and asked

"Do you think having a process cycle in software development kills creativity".

Before anyone from their team could even open their mouths, Prateek quickly replied

"Yes definitely. We should just take away all these processes and throw them in the dustbin".

All The managers looked shocked. Someone who has not even been in the company for 1 month tells them to throw away all the process that they had painstakingly nurtured for years and years!!! The manager who had asked this question must never have expected this answer in his wildest dreams. He must have planned for a followup question once the he got a "No" for an answer, but now all he could do was stand there helplessly with his mouth wide open and eyes bulging out.

But the other managers were not ready to give up so easily. Each of them trained their guns on Prateek and started throwing at him big big fundaes as to why processes are so important. Prateek, poor guy, was getting bullet shots from all sides. He thought giving a simple answer would have put an end to the dreaded question answer session, but instead he now found himself in the middle of a war-zone. Atlast he could take no more. He lifted both his hands.

"I SURRENDERRRRR. Galti hui maaf karo. I accept henceforth that Brocade has the best process in the whole world".

Thus the Team 2 presentation also came to an end.

Next Team 3 came in and their presentation ended without any hitch. In fact I felt theirs was the best presentation among all 4 of us.

Next was my team - Team 4. Our topic was
"What initiatives can the government and the company take to reduce traffic congestion in bangalore".

Our presentation also started well. One by one each of us presented our part. Atlast it was Nazeem's chance. As planned the previous day, he had to present 2 things :- ways that can be implemented by the government and the companies to encourage public transport and also the summary of our presentation. But what followed was something we had never bargained for.

"We all know that our managers come by cars everyday. They never use public transport. We software engineers care about our environment and the pollution and so we use the public transport. But our managers come by cars and increase air pollution, noise pollution and increase bangalore traffic. Why should we suffer for what our managers are doing".

The managers were stunned. They looked as if someone just put a needle on their seats. Suddenly some of them got "phone calls" while some of them got up to go to the restroom.

"So to summarize the bangalore traffic is caused by our managers".

And in this way our mind blowing presentation also came to an end.

A great day for the UDPers, though I am not sure the same could be said for the managers. Last heard, they were trying to find out the guy who recruited these 31 great guys and gals.