Bravery

Attention all passengers. Welcome to Mumbai airport. The Indigo flight from Mumbai to Bangalore has been delayed by one hour due to some technical difficulties. Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

"Shit", Nandu muttered under her breath. She turned to face her hubby - obviously me, duh - "Hey, what are you reading", Nandu asked.

"Nothing, just scanning today's newspaper. Better than sitting and doing nothing other than wait for our flight I guess. Any idea in which page the astrology section appears?".

"Since when did you start reading all those crap", Nandu asked

"Since my last appraisal meeting"

"Why?"

"In the appraisal sheet one of the points was - How do you rate your contribution to the company. In my column I wrote Exceeds Expectations. In his column the manager wrote - Hahaha yeah right"

"Bad luck I guess", Nandu replied, sympathetically

"So I just want to see whether there are any good times ahead for me", I replied.

"Aha here it is", I said, atlast managing to find what I was looking for. "OK let's start with what your stars have got to say for the next month",  I said, giving Nandu a cunning smile.

"Hey it says you are blessed with a fantastic husband", I exclaimed. "Gosh there really is truth in these things"

"Now I am sure - astrology is bull shit", Nandu replied.

I stared hard at her. She looked back coolly.

"And it says", I continued, "you are poised to touch great heights".

"Hmm that could happen. My cubicle is getting shifted to the 13th floor next month"

"And that you could expect a surprise from your husband", I smiled

"Now what could that be", Nandu eyed me mischievously

"Ok yours done. Let me see mine. Now where is it....Hmm...Yeah got it".

"Cool, so what does it say", Nandu asked.

I read my 'future' for 2 minutes. I then looked at her with a frown on my face. "Apparently I am getting pregnant next month"

"Hahahaha so that is the surprise. Thank you honey for such a wonderful gift". She couldn't control her laughter. I threw away the paper. "You are right. This is just crap", I said. "I need to attend to nature's call now". I got up and went searching for the restroom.

I returned in five minutes. Nandu sensed something was wrong. "Wow that was fast. What happened", she said.

"The bathroom sucks", I told Nandu in an angry voice. "I can't believe they call this airport an international one". Nandu, seeing my face, just giggled.

"Actually this is the domestic terminal", she said

"Great"

All of a sudden there was a sense of uneasiness everywhere. People were whispering and pointing in some direction, airline staffs were running here and there. We didn't understand what was going on. I asked a person sitting next to our seat.

"Sir, you have any idea what is going on here".

"It seems there is some unknown package over there", he replied, pointing to a  seat, not far from where were seated. "It has been lying there for a long time now. The airport staffs have called in  the police".

"Oh. Guess it's not going to be a dull wait after all", I said

Soon a police constable arrived.

"Oyee what is happening here. Why are you all crowded around here", he asked in a rude tone

"Sir, we have found an unknown package lying here for a long time, unattended", one among the airport staff replied.

"So what. Someone must have forgotten his lunch box. So what's the big deal", the constable asked, maintaining his rude tone.

"Sir it could be a bomb"

The constable jumped 10 meters back

"Err you sure? It doesn't look any dangerous to me", the constable said, in a very hushed and tensed voice, lest he activated the 'bomb' with his decibel level. "What a waste of a morning", he muttered under his breath. He picked up his walkie talkie and called in his partner. "Oyee Balram, come to main entry lounge, we have a problem here".

Balram soon arrived and joined his partner Sukhram. He was soon updated about the situation.

"Ok so what are you waiting for. Go and open the package", Balram said

"Err me?...Hmm ok", Sukhram looked really tensed.

Then from where he was standing, Sukhram leaned forward, stretching his right hand to the fullest, left hand straight up in the air, perpendicular to his out stretched hand. He could barely touch the package with his lathi.

"You trying to learn Ballet dancing?", Balram asked his partner, seeing his clumsy efforts to reach the package.

"I am not doing any Balle or Kulle. I am trying to see what the package contains", Sukhram replied, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"How can you see what is inside the package if you stand one km away from it!!!", Balram growled. "Go near to it and take a look you fool".

"Yeah right, easy for you to say, seeing that you are nowhere close to it than I am. Why should I go. You go", Sukhram replied back.

"Err...Hmm...I would have happily done so any other time, but today you see I have some critical work", Balram "informed" him before scampering away. Sukhram  resumed his peacock dancing.

Nandu and I were watching this drama all along. Turning to Nandu I said,

"Nandu I don't like to boast, but I must tell you that your husband is a very brave man"

"Good for me"

"And with you as witness I want to state something"

"What?"

"We Indians, we do not bow to the diktats of the terrorists. Me, being a great Indian - a very good Nair boy - I too have the blood, B+, of my great ancestors running through my veins, those ancestors who bravely stood like a rock in front of British tanks and bullets..."

Nandu looked worried. She was afraid her husband was losing the plot. People all around were looking at us. But unmindful of all that I continued my soliloquy :-

"And if the need arises, I will rather show my well built muscular clean shave chest and gladly receive their bullets and die for my country - and  become eligible for this year's bravery awards - than run away and put my country to shame. I will make sure till my last breath that these terrorists will not win irrespective of how many bombs they blast...BHARAT MATA KI JAI ...JAI HIND!!!"

A few meters away Sukhram took out his walkie talkie

"Hello sir, situation diffused. It was a bunch of banana peels" 

Nandu looked sadly at me. "Oh poor you, there goes your bravery award"

The brave man went back to reading his horoscope.

PS: In some versions of the above story, you may hear that the protagonists actually ran out of the airport when the very word bomb was mentioned. Please don't believe all those stories. It's just misinformation spread by our enemy country to malign us brave people.

Paid Vacation

9:25 Friday morning, Pavan had yet to have his breakfast. But who cares: he had a bigger mission. Breakfasts come everyday, but an opportunity likes this comes rarely. His target would enter any moment now. Pavan had his onions ready. He maintained his stealth mode, behind the pillar, waiting patiently for his target to arrive.

And then he saw him. He had his onions ready. He had bought a kilo of them from Reliance Fresh just the previous day. He took out one:-

ROTTEN!!!

Damn you Mukesh Ambani. He made a mental note to get his refund of one rupee and twenty paise for the rotten piece. He put it back and took another one. Aha. A fresh one. Big too. He quickly started peeling it. He peeled and peeled till there was nothing left - he needed to ensure he could extract the last drop of tears using that onion. With his limited collection of onions and one already rotten, he didn't know how many onions he would require for his mission to succeed.

He then stepped out from behind the pillar, straight in front of his manager.

Pavan's manager, Venkata Subramanium, got a shock of his life.

"Pavan, my boy, what happened. Why are you crying? Shiva Shiva your eyes are so red. What happened".

"What can I say sir...my uncle...my uncle...he...he...", Pavan's voice trailed off

"What happened to your uncle", Venkat asked anxiously

"Oh sir my uncle...my only uncle...my favorite uncle...", Pavan couldn't control the flood of 'tears' rolling down his cheeks

"Yeah?"

"He fell in the bathroom last week and now the doctors say he has lost his memory..."

"Oh". Venkat looked anxious

"He stays alone in Bangalore and has no relatives to look after him", Pavan continued 'crying', secretly peeling a second onion.

"Oh I am sorry to hear that. I hope he gets well  soon. Is there anything I could do for you in this moment of great grief", Venkat asked.

Pavan had been waiting for this moment all along.

"Sure you can sir. Please approve of my transfer to Bangalore", Pavan replied, with a brightened face

Venkat looked at Pavan suspiciously

"You sure this uncle tragedy has nothing to do with your application for transfer to bangalore that you had been trying so hard for last 6 months?", Venkat asked, eyeing Pavan closely. Pavan's heart skipped a beat.

"I mean is it not very convenient that you have an uncle in Bangalore and he fell and lost his memory just when the HR (Human Resource manager) rejected your transfer to Bangalore last week?".

"Sir do you think I am so cruel that I will play with my dear uncle's brains just to get a transfer to Bangalore? See these scans if you don't believe me. Those are my uncle's brains".

Pavan handed over a bunch of scan images to Venkat. Venkat took the scans and held it above to see it clearly. All he could make out was images of what looked like bunch of worms in a mating well.

"What is this. I can't make any sense out of this", Venkat said.

"See exactly my point. My uncle's brains are so messed up that you can't even make sense out of it. Now please approve my application", Pavan begged.

"Hmm let me talk with the HR and see what can be done", Venkat replied

Pavan beamed like a 100 Watt light. He could finally see some light at the end of the tunnel. He had enough of Chennai.

The weather sucked - there is never a need to take bath in the morning, you got up drenched in your own sweat

The food sucked - thairu sadam is the undeclared state food

Last, but not the least, the work sucked - he was working on a Database project which made little sense to him even after working 2 years on it.

He had been trying all tricks in his sleeves to get a transfer to Bangalore.

He tried crashing the client database multiple times - the client appreciated him for finding some difficult bugs.

Being the primary resource Pavan was expected to attend to all critical issues even in the middle of the night. Instead he slept peacefully and the headache of solving them fell on the secondary resources - the client appreciated Pavan for managing the project well by assigning the critical issues to the correct people.

He took multiple leaves without informing his manager - he was mentioned as a shining example of a person with a good work life balance in that month's company HR newsletter.

Thus when his all attempts failed, he hit upon this grand plan as one last attempt. It has been a costly operation so far - Twenty one rupees for onions and Rs.150 as 'token of appreciation' to his friend for allowing him to borrow his great great grandfather's brain scan images.

Next one week was critical from Pavan's perspective. He had to continue giving out signals to prop up his case. So he would come everyday morning and straight away sit in his cubicle, resting his head on his hands, without doing any of his work, without replying to any mails. He knew his plan was working when one day, when he attended a client call dealing with some critical issue, the client begged him to give the phone to someone else.

A wait of one week :- but finally Pavan did achieve the impossible. He finally got his transfer to Bangalore. And what more, since getting allocated to a new project would take a lot of time, he would get all the time in this world to prepare for his MBA exams. All round good news.

2 weeks later Pavan reported at the Bangalore office. The HR informed him that they have already started the search for a project to put him into and that till that time he need not report to the office. Pavan was on cloud nine. But then as the saying goes, good things are never meant to last forever.

Pavan soon received a call from the HR.  He was asked to report at the HR's office the next day. When he arrived the next day at her office, the HR was in a very jovial mood.

"Hi Pavan, so finally we have a project for you". The HR was beaming, as if her bonus depended on getting Pavan a project. "So I am pretty sure after such a long wait you are raring to take up this project", she said smiling even more at Pavan

"You have no idea", Pavan replied, with a downcast gloomy face. He was just starting to enjoy his paid vacation.

The HR continued. "It's a Database project, similar to the one you worked in Chennai, so I guess you can easily scale up". Pavan's face became even more gloomy. "Oh no, not again. Not that piece of Database shit again. Enna Kodumai ithu Sharavanan". The HR made some calls and then turning to Pavan she said,"The Project Manager would like to interview you first before you start working on the project. The interviewer will arrive in a few minutes and then the interview will start. All the best". She then left the room. Pavan sat in the room, waiting for the his executioner to arrive. He had to do come up with something drastic to escape from this situation.

After sometime a gentleman in a well ironed suit and a tie arrived. He greeted Pavan with a firm handshake, and introduced himself as Reghuram. He took Pavan's resume from the table and scanned through it for a minute. After he was satisfied that he got a good idea of Pavan's previous work background, he turned to face Pavan


"So Pavan I can see that you have worked on a Database project for 2 years. Could you write a SQL query for me using INNER JOIN and OUTER JOIN", Reghuram asked.

"Sir the only way I know how to join is using Fevicol", Pavan replied.

Reghuram looked at Pavan for a few seconds. Did he really hear things that he just heard? He quickly regained his posture and continued

"Ok, let's say a database administrator stores the same data on different tables even though it is a waste of space. What do you think of this", Reghuram asked.

"I think that database administrator must be one big fool. And the person who recruited him must be an even bigger fool", Pavan replied.

Reghuram stared at Pavan. "Just so that you know, we use this concept in our project. And yeah I recruited that guy".

"Oh....err great...good for you...I guess", Pavan replied

"Atleast tell me you know how to write a basic SQL query to retrieve data from the database", Reghuram asked in a frustrated tone


"Hey that's easy", Pavan replied. He stared at the blank sheet of paper in front of him. Then he started scratching his head. Looked at the ceiling for few minutes, then at his toes, then back to scratching his head. This cycle continued.

"Well?", Reghuram asked after sometime

"Sorry sir, I forgot"

"You sure you have worked on a Database project before? Your resume says so", Reghuram asked, a little irritated

Pavan didn't reply. He just kept looking down.

"It's Ok. I will provide you the necessary training. Then it will be fine right?", Reghuram asked.

"I don't know sir. It took me four attempts to pass my Database paper in my BTech. I heard that they gave me the pass marks just so that no one had to undergo the torture of evaluating my paper one more time. It seems the person who evaluated my paper complained to the higher authorities that he would have to be admitted to mental hospital if he had to evaluate my paper one more time",Pavan replied with an innocent look on his face.

The HR folks were back to square one. Their search continued.  But even after countless such interviews, Pavan remained unemployed. The HR guys had met their equal in Pavan.

Finally the D-day arrived. The day when Pavan put in his papers. He had successfully cracked his MBA exam and got admitted to a reputed institute. Now there was a minor issue bothering him. Since he had not yet completed 3 years in the company, he had to pay the bond amount of around Rs.50,000 when he left the company. But then one of his friends, who had joined the company along with him and had quit the company around 2 months ago, had to pay up only Rs.20,000. So he calculated that he too must pay Rs.20,000.

Pavan came to know that he would soon be creating a record in the company's history. The very day Pavan put in his papers, the HR folks completed all the necessary formalities. The efficiency with which HR folks completed his exit formalities was unbelievable. And they say exit formalities take time. The exit interview happened the same day, in the evening. That too was completed in a matter of minutes.

"Hi Pavan, all the best for your future. Please pay Rs 60,000 and then you can leave with all the documents", the HR said.

"Sorry What. I think I heard wrong. Did you say 60,000?", Pavan asked incredulously

"Yeah. You see, the company, using it's internal formulae, calculated that recruiting you into our company was a net loss for us. So as a token amount, please pay Rs 10,000 along with the bond amount".

Pavan looked at the HR with his mouth wide open. He had never expected this anti climax - a bolt from the blue. In the end it was indeed a paid vacation. But the question is who paid who.

Kovaalan the Great

Meet Kovaalan Pankajakshan, the most intelligent person on Earth,. Or so he says. Today the results of his 180th IQ exam are going to be announced. Kovaalan is damn excited.

He calls up Shekaran. "Dude, check this link for my exam results. The D-day has finally arrived. The world will come to know about the birth of a new genius today". Shekaran, who has been going through this routine for the last 179 times, sighed.

"Man you sure about this? Please tell me the genius will be born atleast this time. Your last 179 D-days never arrived. I can't do this any longer", he replied, in a sad tone

"Dude, this time I can feel it in me. The world is ready for me. C'mon check the link buddy".

"Ok", Shekaran replied, resigning to his fate. He opened the link. A screen popped up, asking for username and password.

"Ok dude, username", Shekaran asked

"Kovaalan aara mon"
[Meaning : Whose son is Kovaalan]

Shekaran was not surprised. He had got used to this by now. He had already heard 179 bizzare usernames and passwords. According to Kovaalan, this gave him protection from hackers who are jealous of him and are out to get him - as if they had nothing better to do.

"Password", Shekaran continued

"Unda I mean balls. U capital".

"What? You mean the password is Unda and you mean to say that it's meaning is balls?", Shekaran asked, trying to make sense

"Dude don't complicate it. The password is Unda I mean balls"

Kovaalan heard noises from the other end of the line

"Da Shekara, what is happening", Kovaaalan asked.

"Nothing. I was just banging my head on the table". Shekaran could not longer bear this torture. Hoping he is doing this for the last time, he pressed the Enter button.

Kovaalan waited patiently. After a minute or so, the voice from the other end spoke.

"Got your result"

"And?". Kovaalan was excited.

"It's the same as last time"

"Oh. You mean I didn't get grade A - Intelligence par excellance"

"Nopes. You got E - Rare specimen, Exceptionally dumb", Shekaran replied, with a heavy voice. He knew his bad days were not going to be over anytime soon.

"Don't worry dude, I am sure the world will be ready to embrace me when the next IQ exam is over", Kovaalan replied, 'consoling' his friend. No sooner did he keep the phone than he received a call on his mobile. Shilpa calling. He picked up the phone. "Hello".

"Oye you nut case good for nothing fellow", came the voice from the other end.

"Yes speaking. How may I help you"

"Where are my Algorithm Design class notes you dumbass. It's been 2 months now.  And the exams are happening in 2 days time". Shilpa just couldn't control her anger.

"Ok Ok no need to shout. I know it's been 2 months since I took your notes. But there is a reason why this delay happened."

"Why", Shilpa asked, a little curiously.

"9/11".

"What?"

"Yeah Shilpa 9/11!!!. The day I was planning to return your book, 9/11 happened"

"So What?"

"So what??? So how could I risk my life and travel when those damn terrorists are looking for potential high value targets like me. By not travelling, I denied those terrorists a chance to exploit the situation and thus achieved national peace and harmony"

For the next few minutes Kovaalan could barely make out the flood of sweet words entering his ear drums. He was damn sure most of them started with the letter F though.

"Mad female homosapien", Kovaalan thought. "Ok Ok fine, I will return your book today itself. No need to get so melodramatic.There is a local train that will start from here. I will call you when I reach the station".

Cursing her for spoiling his day, he boarded the train and reached Chennai Beach station. He stepped out of the train onto the station."Now where is the damn exit", he thought. He looked around for the skywalk which leads to the exit. He soon found it, but it was so crowded that people were pushing and pulling each other.

Kovaalan realised it was time to change his brain from relax mode to intelligence mode. "C'mon you modest little intelligent son of Newton, use just a small part of your high IQ brain and think of a way to reach the exit without getting your ass kicked by these ordinary low IQ mortals."

His eyes fell on the railway track. "Aha that's it. The great successor of Newton proves his worth once again". Kovaalan smiled at his own brilliance.

He remembered what Lakshmi teacher had taught him in the Kindergarden.

"Children, whenever you cross a road, first look left, then right, then again left and when there are no vehicles approaching, cross the road". Being the high IQer, he applied the same to his current situation. Dutifully, following his teacher's words to the T, he first looked left, then looked right, then again left and since no train was coming, he crossed the tracks.

Soon he reached the other side. With great effort, he climbed on to the station. No longer did he get onto his feet,  than he saw a person with khaki dress standing in front of him, grinning his whole teeth out.

"Hello sweetheart, going somewhere in a hurry?", the constable asked.

"Sorry sir", Kovaalan replied. "Skywalk was too crowded, so I thought I will take the harder route while everyone else can take the easier route over the skywalk".

"Oh is it. I am sure the DIG would be glad to see a person with such a big heart. Come let's go to the station"

"Sir please sir please. I am sorry sir", Kovaalan pleaded. But no use. Kovaalan was taken to the Railway Police station. The DIG had gone out for his lunch, so Kovaalan was asked to wait. He looked around. He could see people staring at him from behind the bars. They were all wearing short pyjamas. He imagined himself in one. He wondered whether they had a pyjama to fit his 40 cm belly. The thought of standing in the station with only a pyjama and hands crossed over his chest scared him. He came over to the constable.

"Uncle..."

The constable stared at him angrily. He had just dyed his hair this morning and had made sure every single white hair had become black.

"Err sorry. Sir...may I please make a call", Kovaalan asked. The constable pointed him towards the phone.

Kovaalan took the phone and dialled a number. After a minute or so, someone picked up at the other end

"Hi Shilpa, how are you"

"Hey you are late. Which station are you in", Shilpa asked

"Police station", Kovaalan replied, somewhat embarrassed.

"What? "

"Sorry long story. Can you come over to the Chennai Beach Police station", Kovaalan asked. Shilpa was bewildered. Nevertheless Kovaalan had her notes and so she had no other choice. "Ok will reach there in 10 minutes".

Meanwhile the DIG returned to the station after having his lunch. Kovaalan straightaway started pleading with him.

"Sir my mistake sir. Please forgive me. I will not repeat this".

"Let me discuss this with Chandrapan". The DIG went over to the constable and had a discussion with him. He returned after a few minutes, his face looking grave.

"We need to go to the court", the DIG told Kovaalan

"What? Court?" Kovaalan was ready to faint. He had seen a courtroom only in the movies. "Sir please sir do something about this sir" 


"I am sorry, but the case has already been filed and we can't withdraw it now. No need to be scared. They will just call your name and then you will be asked to pay a fine of Rs.200. Once you pay you can leave".

"Aiyoo, but sir I have only Rs.100 with me"

"Hmm then you can pay Rs 100 and spent one day in jail. The next day you can go".

"Sirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr", Kovaalan pleaded.

The DIG took pity in Kovaalan. "Hmm ok, I will do one thing. I can't withdraw the case. But I can modify it to some other petty crime where you will need to pay just Rs 100".

Kovaalan was relieved. "Thank you sir. May I know what crime that will be".

"I too don't know. Need to find out. I will do it on our way to the court. You will hear about it when your case comes up in court", the DIG replied.

Kovaalan made a quick call. "Shilpa, change in plans. Come to the Chennai Beach court". Shilpa was on the verge of going mad. First the Police Staion and now the Court. What is going on?. She called up Remya. Remya called Ramesh. Ramesh called Suresh. It went on.

Within 10 minutes Kovaalan and the DIG reached the court. There was a big crowd gathered in front of the court. "Some big case involving some useless VIP must be going on", Kovaalan thought. As Kovaalan and the DIG made their way to the court, someone from the crowd called out

"Kovaala...dei Kovaala...".

Kovaalan turned his head towards the crowd. He gasped, his jaws dropped, his eyes almost popped out from  the sockets. He saw Shekaran, Suresh, Mohit...literally his entire class standing there and waving at him. The 'crowd' had come to see him. He was that VIP!!!

The whole world started spinning around him. What did he do to deserve this. His face turned red with embarrassment. He cursed Shilpa with whatever bad words he could think of.

A case was ongoing in the court. The DIG informed Kovaalan to be ready as the next case was his. Kovaalan wished he had a lungi to hide his face.

After sometime Kovaalan's case came up for hearing. Kovaalan was asked to stand on the dias meant for accused.The court announcer started shouting out the details of his case. Kovaala

"Accused : Kovaalan Pankajakshan
 Crime : Urinating in Public"

WHAT!!!!!!!!!. Kovaalan couldn't believe what he just heard.

The whole court burst out in laughter. Shekaran was uncontrollable. He was rolling on the floor laughing.

Kovaalan wished he could just vanish from the place. He couldn't believe that the DIG could shatter his reputation in the worst possible manner. Urinating in public?Really?The Son of a Donkey, couldn't he come up with a better crime or what.

The judge looked at Kovaalan

"Do you plead guilty for urinating in public"

"I...err...I....hmm...", Kovaalan didn't know what to say

"Do you plead guilty or not", the judge repeated,somewhat angrily.

"I do", Kovaalan replied, his head hanging down, to make sure he sees no one.

"Ok. Pay a fine of Rs 100. Case dismissed".

Kovaalan had to do a lot of running around the courtyard before he could find the backdoor to run away unseen.

The Legend of Thampy Appuppan

Disclaimer: A fictitious story inspired by some real life characters

It was Chandrika Ammumma's birthday. Her four daughters, the Painkulam sisters and their families have gathered in Tucklay to celebrate it. The Painkulam sisters were busy in the kitchen, preparing a special payasam for Chandrika Ammumma.

[Painkulam and Tucklay are villages near Trivandrum Tamil Nadu border]

Chandrika Ammumma was hoping for a relaxing day. But the naughty Painkulam cousins,Vava, Nandu, Chandu, Asha Chechi, Shalini Chechi and Anu, had other plans in store for her.

Vava, the youngest and the most naughtiest of all the cousins, came over to Chandrika Ammumma's side.

"Ammumma Ammumma please Ammumma, tell us Thampy Appuppan's stories", Vava pleaded, tugging at her saree.

 The others too joined in.

"Yes Ammumma pleaseee tell us about Thampy Appuppan. We have heard so much about him, but we want to hear the real stories from you".

"C'mon kids later. Right now let me rest", Chandrika Ammumma replied back

But the kids were in no mood to give up. Soon it was a chaos, all cousins shouting and pulling Chandrika Ammumma's saree from all sides. When a stage reached where poor Chandrika Ammumma's vastraharan was imminent, with no sign of any Krishnas coming to her help, she relented.

"Ok fine fine. I will tell you about Thampy Appuppan, but first let go of my saree you brats. You all are such a naughty lot. If Thampy Appuppan would have been here, he would have kicked you all and rescued me from your torture", Chandrika Ammumma shouted, though she was clearly enjoying being the cynosure of the group.

"So what is it that you want to know", Chandrika Ammumma asked, making herself comfortable in the new sofa, and looking down intensely at her audience sitting on the floor.

"Everything", came the reply from the crowd.

"Ok so where do I start". She thought for a while. "Hmm as you all know Thampy Appuppan was a teacher teaching at a local school in Painkulam. But Thampy Appuppan was not your usual simple khadi clad rural teacher"

"Why", Vava asked. "He wore suit,coat and tie instead of khadi?"

"No stupid", Chandrika Ammumma said, "I meant he had other special qualities".

"What special qualities?", everyone wanted to know

Chandrika Ammumma started blushing....then stammering..."He was....he was...hmm how do I say this...he was the Man of Steel...the Superman...of his generation", Chandrika Ammumma explained. The blushing reached a crescendo.

"Superman?Why? He went to school wearing his underwear outside???", Chandu wondered.

Chandrika Ammumma stared at Chandu. "Really boy who gave you admission in IIM. I really want to meet that idiot".

Everyone started giggling.

"What I meant was",  Chandrika Ammumma resumed, "he had a great gym body", her face resumed blushing.

Everyone gasped.

"Whoa Mrs Chandrika Thampy, you are cool baby", Anu cried out.

"Well I just stated a fact Anu. His body was the talk of the village - muscular and chiseled. Unlike today, where every Tom Dick and Harry on the street carry a six packs, in the 1960s there was just Thampy Appuppan for us ladies to admire. He was the hot property of Painkulam. Painkulam ladies just went crazy over him".

"All the Meenakshis and Kochaminis would run after him, screaming "

Ooh La La Ooh La La 
Ooh La La Ooh La La
Tu Hei Meri Fantasy

"Their husbands meanwhile would run after them, screaming"

Kar De Mushkil Jeena Ishq Kamina

Everyone laughed, seeing Chandrika Ammumma perform the Ooh La La and Ishq kamina dance moves.

"Soon my marriage to Thampy Appuppan was fixed. I guess I broke too many hearts in Painkulam", Chandrika Ammumma chuckled.

"Why do you say so Chandrika Ammumma", Shalini Chechi asked.

"After my marriage to Thampy Appuppan was fixed, I started getting many hate mails. I got nervous. I wondered why I was getting all these hate mails. As if I had a choice. It just happened that my father pointed towards Thampy Appupan and declared"

He's the one for you

 "Yeah Whatever", I replied

"You see 1960s was not exactly a women friendly decade in India. My opinion mattered for little", Chandrika Ammumma lamented.

"Oh you mean you did'nt want to marry Thampy Appuppan?", Nandu asked

"Naa I didn't say that my girl. Now who would said no to a dashing young hunk", Chandrika Ammumma winked.

Everyone giggled.

"Luckily none of the doomsday scenarios mentioned in the hate mails happened on the day of marriage. I was particularly scared of one of the threats mentioned in the hate mails", Chandrika Ammumma said anxiously.

"Oh did they threaten to kidnap you or something?",Anu asked, feeling tensed

"WORSE!!!Their threat was much worse. They threatened to kidnap my make-up lady, Radha!!! Chandrika Ammumma literally cried out. "Imagine the bride having to sit on marriage pandal without having good make up. Is there anything more worse that can happen to a bride?", Chandrika Ammumma wondered.

"Agreed", all the girls in the crowd concurred. The boys didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Luckily", Chandrika Ammumma continued, "nothing like that happened and the marriage went smoothly"

"Great escape Chandrika Ammumma", Shalini Chechi said, showing a thumbs up sign.

 Chandrika Ammumma continued, "After my marriage, I started my new life as Mrs Chandrika Thampy. But soon I found out that life with Thampy Appuppan was not a bed of roses as I had imagined".

"Why", Asha Chechi asked.

"Thampy Appuppan had some temper. When he got angry, it scared the shit out of me. No kidding",  Chandrika Ammumma replied.

"Was it that bad?", Chandu asked.

"When that man gets angry, I tell you, that height, that bald head, those big round red eyes, all of these can make even that Terminator guy, Arnold, wet his pants. Just imagine if a guy, having muscles jumping out from every nook and corner of his body, needs to change his pants each time Thampy Appuppan gets angry, the less said about me, the better", Chandrika Ammumma said.

"Poor Chandrika Ammumma", everyone agreed.

"Thampy Appuppan used to get angry even for small things",Chandrika Ammumma continued. "Once it so happened that, the dinner was getting late and Thampy Appuppan's anger was competing with his hunger. Finally his anger reached the tipping point. He just banged his hand hard on the table, shouted his lungs out and left the table"

"Where did he go", Vava asked.

"He went and locked himself inside a room", Chandrika Ammumma replied

"Oh. So what did you do Chandrika Ammumma", Shalini Chechi wanted to know.

"What else could I do? I pleaded with him that I was sorry". "Please come out of the room. I cried again and again".

"Hmm you must have felt bad that you made him angry, right Chandrika Ammumma?", Nandu asked, with pity in her voice.

"Angry? Angry my foot. I was hungry", Chandrika Ammumma replied

"Ohh", Nandu exclaimed, somewhat amused. "So what happened next", she asked.

Chandrika Ammumma continued,"I pleaded and pleaded but no use. He didn't come out of the room. Finally I gave up"

"Aiyayo so both of you didn't have your dinner that night", Anu asked, his eyes almost in tears. It was too much for the foodie in him to even imagine not eating food whenever possible.

"Naa. I had a great dinner and went to sleep", Chandrika Ammumma  replied, rubbing her stomach, relishing the memories of that wonderful dinner.

"Poor Thampy Appuppan", Asha Chechi said, feeling a bit sad for her grandpa

"Don't feel pity for him. That cunning fellow came out of his room when I was sleeping and ate whatever was left on the dinning table. And he did so without making a single noise. Not even a grain of rice was left the next day"

"Hahaha is that so?", asked Asha Chechi."Grandpa you are great".

"Ammumma, wasn't our Grandpa a legend in Painkulam", Chandu asked.. The villagers still talk about him, long after he is gone".

"Hmm yeah Chandu, he was. You know what?Once he climbed 100 coconut trees in a single day".

"Oh my God!!!He did that???", Chandu gasped out. "But why?"

"That thenga vettukaran (person who is hired to climb the coconut trees to cut the coconuts) was bargaining for 10 more rupees per tree", Chandrika Ammumma  explained.

"Wow so our Thampy Appuppan saved a cool 1000 rupees in a single day. Way to go Grandpa", Vava said, his face filled with admiration.

"Another time, after seeing a laborer going on chopping and chopping a tree for 2 hours, but hardly managing to make a dent on it, Thampy Appuppan just took the axe from his hands, struck the tree twice followed by a leg kick. The laborer could only watch as the giant tree fell with a thud. Grandpa returned the axe and went back to reading. The laborer was left wondering why he was called in the first place."

"Our Grandpa rocks", Anu cried out, excitedly.

"Ammumma Ammumma tell us about our mothers' childhood tales also. How were the Painkulam sisters when they were our age", Nandu asked, with a grin on her face.

"Ah those wonderful times",  Chandrika Ammumma said nostalgically

"Oh is it? Were our mothers so good children, unlike us", Anu questioned.

"Oh ho ho good and they? No one can find more naughtier children than those four",Chandrika Ammumma replied with a smile.

"Then why were those times so wonderful Ammumma", Nandu asked.

"Well now Thampy Appuppan had four fresh faces to shout at when he starts his Thandavam nirtham. How long can he keep shouting at same old face without getting bored", Chandrika Ammumma chuckled.

"The Painkulam sisters went to the same school where Grandpa was teaching, didn't they Ammumma?", Asha Chechi asked, knowingly

"Right", Ammumma replied. "As if that was not enough, Thampy Appuppan was their headmaster also".

"Whew, I have heard my mom often say that Grandpa was a strict disciplinarian", Nandu said

 "Yeah. But he was very partial to them when compared to other students",Chandrika Ammumma said

"Is it?", Anu asked, finding it hard to believe

"Oh yeah definitely", Chandrika Ammumma replied,"When other students get canned on their hand for not doing their homework, the Painkulam sisters got a package deal. They got both their hand and assess canned. When the school closes everyday at 4 pm, other students would run out and celebrate as if they got parole from Tihar jail, but the Painkulam sisters knew there is no use of celebrating. They had to face the jail warden back home for their night duties"

"Hmm no wonder Mummy wasn't much fond of her school. She hated the school exams more though", Asha Chechi said.

"Hmm there is actually a reason why they hated exams the most", Chandrika Ammumma said

Everyone were intrigued.

"Why?", they asked.

"Well, the very next day after the exams are over, Thampy Appuppan would pull out their answer papers. Then he will make them stand in front of him while he starts correcting each of their paper. Each mistake results in either a pinch on an ear or twisting of both the ears or a slap on the bump or else a combination of all depending on the severity of the mistakes. The eldest one, Mangalam, generally escapes with just occasional pinch on the ear but Lola, being the most studious, she ends up getting all possible combinations".

"Hahaha so they were no better than us", Asha Chechi said.

Meanwhile the aroma of the payasam from the kitchen was getting stronger and stronger. Ammumma couldn't resist any longer. "Ok kids, story time's up. Go and grab some of that payasam before I finish it all by myself", Chandrika Ammumma warned, getting up from her sofa.

"Thank you Ammumma for Grandpa's story", Chandu said. Everyone nodded.

Chandrika Ammumma smiled.

"The pleasure is all mine"