Meet Kovaalan Pankajakshan, the most intelligent person on Earth,. Or so he says. Today the results of his 180th IQ exam are going to be announced. Kovaalan is damn excited.
He calls up Shekaran. "Dude, check this link for my exam results. The D-day has finally arrived. The world will come to know about the birth of a new genius today". Shekaran, who has been going through this routine for the last 179 times, sighed.
"Man you sure about this? Please tell me the genius will be born atleast this time. Your last 179 D-days never arrived. I can't do this any longer", he replied, in a sad tone
"Dude, this time I can feel it in me. The world is ready for me. C'mon check the link buddy".
"Ok", Shekaran replied, resigning to his fate. He opened the link. A screen popped up, asking for username and password.
"Ok dude, username", Shekaran asked
"Kovaalan aara mon"
[Meaning : Whose son is Kovaalan]
Shekaran was not surprised. He had got used to this by now. He had already heard 179 bizzare usernames and passwords. According to Kovaalan, this gave him protection from hackers who are jealous of him and are out to get him - as if they had nothing better to do.
"Password", Shekaran continued
"Unda I mean balls. U capital".
"What? You mean the password is Unda and you mean to say that it's meaning is balls?", Shekaran asked, trying to make sense
"Dude don't complicate it. The password is Unda I mean balls"
Kovaalan heard noises from the other end of the line
"Da Shekara, what is happening", Kovaaalan asked.
"Nothing. I was just banging my head on the table". Shekaran could not longer bear this torture. Hoping he is doing this for the last time, he pressed the Enter button.
Kovaalan waited patiently. After a minute or so, the voice from the other end spoke.
"Got your result"
"And?". Kovaalan was excited.
"It's the same as last time"
"Oh. You mean I didn't get grade A - Intelligence par excellance"
"Nopes. You got E - Rare specimen, Exceptionally dumb", Shekaran replied, with a heavy voice. He knew his bad days were not going to be over anytime soon.
"Don't worry dude, I am sure the world will be ready to embrace me when the next IQ exam is over", Kovaalan replied, 'consoling' his friend. No sooner did he keep the phone than he received a call on his mobile. Shilpa calling. He picked up the phone. "Hello".
"Oye you nut case good for nothing fellow", came the voice from the other end.
"Yes speaking. How may I help you"
"Where are my Algorithm Design class notes you dumbass. It's been 2 months now. And the exams are happening in 2 days time". Shilpa just couldn't control her anger.
"Ok Ok no need to shout. I know it's been 2 months since I took your notes. But there is a reason why this delay happened."
"Why", Shilpa asked, a little curiously.
"9/11".
"What?"
"Yeah Shilpa 9/11!!!. The day I was planning to return your book, 9/11 happened"
"So What?"
"So what??? So how could I risk my life and travel when those damn terrorists are looking for potential high value targets like me. By not travelling, I denied those terrorists a chance to exploit the situation and thus achieved national peace and harmony"
For the next few minutes Kovaalan could barely make out the flood of sweet words entering his ear drums. He was damn sure most of them started with the letter F though.
"Mad female homosapien", Kovaalan thought. "Ok Ok fine, I will return your book today itself. No need to get so melodramatic.There is a local train that will start from here. I will call you when I reach the station".
Cursing her for spoiling his day, he boarded the train and reached Chennai Beach station. He stepped out of the train onto the station."Now where is the damn exit", he thought. He looked around for the skywalk which leads to the exit. He soon found it, but it was so crowded that people were pushing and pulling each other.
Kovaalan realised it was time to change his brain from relax mode to intelligence mode. "C'mon you modest little intelligent son of Newton, use just a small part of your high IQ brain and think of a way to reach the exit without getting your ass kicked by these ordinary low IQ mortals."
His eyes fell on the railway track. "Aha that's it. The great successor of Newton proves his worth once again". Kovaalan smiled at his own brilliance.
He remembered what Lakshmi teacher had taught him in the Kindergarden.
"Children, whenever you cross a road, first look left, then right, then again left and when there are no vehicles approaching, cross the road". Being the high IQer, he applied the same to his current situation. Dutifully, following his teacher's words to the T, he first looked left, then looked right, then again left and since no train was coming, he crossed the tracks.
Soon he reached the other side. With great effort, he climbed on to the station. No longer did he get onto his feet, than he saw a person with khaki dress standing in front of him, grinning his whole teeth out.
"Hello sweetheart, going somewhere in a hurry?", the constable asked.
"Sorry sir", Kovaalan replied. "Skywalk was too crowded, so I thought I will take the harder route while everyone else can take the easier route over the skywalk".
"Oh is it. I am sure the DIG would be glad to see a person with such a big heart. Come let's go to the station"
"Sir please sir please. I am sorry sir", Kovaalan pleaded. But no use. Kovaalan was taken to the Railway Police station. The DIG had gone out for his lunch, so Kovaalan was asked to wait. He looked around. He could see people staring at him from behind the bars. They were all wearing short pyjamas. He imagined himself in one. He wondered whether they had a pyjama to fit his 40 cm belly. The thought of standing in the station with only a pyjama and hands crossed over his chest scared him. He came over to the constable.
"Uncle..."
The constable stared at him angrily. He had just dyed his hair this morning and had made sure every single white hair had become black.
"Err sorry. Sir...may I please make a call", Kovaalan asked. The constable pointed him towards the phone.
Kovaalan took the phone and dialled a number. After a minute or so, someone picked up at the other end
"Hi Shilpa, how are you"
"Hey you are late. Which station are you in", Shilpa asked
"Police station", Kovaalan replied, somewhat embarrassed.
"What? "
"Sorry long story. Can you come over to the Chennai Beach Police station", Kovaalan asked. Shilpa was bewildered. Nevertheless Kovaalan had her notes and so she had no other choice. "Ok will reach there in 10 minutes".
Meanwhile the DIG returned to the station after having his lunch. Kovaalan straightaway started pleading with him.
"Sir my mistake sir. Please forgive me. I will not repeat this".
"Let me discuss this with Chandrapan". The DIG went over to the constable and had a discussion with him. He returned after a few minutes, his face looking grave.
"We need to go to the court", the DIG told Kovaalan
"What? Court?" Kovaalan was ready to faint. He had seen a courtroom only in the movies. "Sir please sir do something about this sir"
"I am sorry, but the case has already been filed and we can't withdraw it now. No need to be scared. They will just call your name and then you will be asked to pay a fine of Rs.200. Once you pay you can leave".
"Aiyoo, but sir I have only Rs.100 with me"
"Hmm then you can pay Rs 100 and spent one day in jail. The next day you can go".
"Sirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr", Kovaalan pleaded.
The DIG took pity in Kovaalan. "Hmm ok, I will do one thing. I can't withdraw the case. But I can modify it to some other petty crime where you will need to pay just Rs 100".
Kovaalan was relieved. "Thank you sir. May I know what crime that will be".
"I too don't know. Need to find out. I will do it on our way to the court. You will hear about it when your case comes up in court", the DIG replied.
Kovaalan made a quick call. "Shilpa, change in plans. Come to the Chennai Beach court". Shilpa was on the verge of going mad. First the Police Staion and now the Court. What is going on?. She called up Remya. Remya called Ramesh. Ramesh called Suresh. It went on.
Within 10 minutes Kovaalan and the DIG reached the court. There was a big crowd gathered in front of the court. "Some big case involving some useless VIP must be going on", Kovaalan thought. As Kovaalan and the DIG made their way to the court, someone from the crowd called out
"Kovaala...dei Kovaala...".
Kovaalan turned his head towards the crowd. He gasped, his jaws dropped, his eyes almost popped out from the sockets. He saw Shekaran, Suresh, Mohit...literally his entire class standing there and waving at him. The 'crowd' had come to see him. He was that VIP!!!
The whole world started spinning around him. What did he do to deserve this. His face turned red with embarrassment. He cursed Shilpa with whatever bad words he could think of.
A case was ongoing in the court. The DIG informed Kovaalan to be ready as the next case was his. Kovaalan wished he had a lungi to hide his face.
After sometime Kovaalan's case came up for hearing. Kovaalan was asked to stand on the dias meant for accused.The court announcer started shouting out the details of his case. Kovaala
"Accused : Kovaalan Pankajakshan
Crime : Urinating in Public"
WHAT!!!!!!!!!. Kovaalan couldn't believe what he just heard.
The whole court burst out in laughter. Shekaran was uncontrollable. He was rolling on the floor laughing.
Kovaalan wished he could just vanish from the place. He couldn't believe that the DIG could shatter his reputation in the worst possible manner. Urinating in public?Really?The Son of a Donkey, couldn't he come up with a better crime or what.
The judge looked at Kovaalan
"Do you plead guilty for urinating in public"
"I...err...I....hmm...", Kovaalan didn't know what to say
"Do you plead guilty or not", the judge repeated,somewhat angrily.
"I do", Kovaalan replied, his head hanging down, to make sure he sees no one.
"Ok. Pay a fine of Rs 100. Case dismissed".
Kovaalan had to do a lot of running around the courtyard before he could find the backdoor to run away unseen.
He calls up Shekaran. "Dude, check this link for my exam results. The D-day has finally arrived. The world will come to know about the birth of a new genius today". Shekaran, who has been going through this routine for the last 179 times, sighed.
"Man you sure about this? Please tell me the genius will be born atleast this time. Your last 179 D-days never arrived. I can't do this any longer", he replied, in a sad tone
"Dude, this time I can feel it in me. The world is ready for me. C'mon check the link buddy".
"Ok", Shekaran replied, resigning to his fate. He opened the link. A screen popped up, asking for username and password.
"Ok dude, username", Shekaran asked
"Kovaalan aara mon"
[Meaning : Whose son is Kovaalan]
Shekaran was not surprised. He had got used to this by now. He had already heard 179 bizzare usernames and passwords. According to Kovaalan, this gave him protection from hackers who are jealous of him and are out to get him - as if they had nothing better to do.
"Password", Shekaran continued
"Unda I mean balls. U capital".
"What? You mean the password is Unda and you mean to say that it's meaning is balls?", Shekaran asked, trying to make sense
"Dude don't complicate it. The password is Unda I mean balls"
Kovaalan heard noises from the other end of the line
"Da Shekara, what is happening", Kovaaalan asked.
"Nothing. I was just banging my head on the table". Shekaran could not longer bear this torture. Hoping he is doing this for the last time, he pressed the Enter button.
Kovaalan waited patiently. After a minute or so, the voice from the other end spoke.
"Got your result"
"And?". Kovaalan was excited.
"It's the same as last time"
"Oh. You mean I didn't get grade A - Intelligence par excellance"
"Nopes. You got E - Rare specimen, Exceptionally dumb", Shekaran replied, with a heavy voice. He knew his bad days were not going to be over anytime soon.
"Don't worry dude, I am sure the world will be ready to embrace me when the next IQ exam is over", Kovaalan replied, 'consoling' his friend. No sooner did he keep the phone than he received a call on his mobile. Shilpa calling. He picked up the phone. "Hello".
"Oye you nut case good for nothing fellow", came the voice from the other end.
"Yes speaking. How may I help you"
"Where are my Algorithm Design class notes you dumbass. It's been 2 months now. And the exams are happening in 2 days time". Shilpa just couldn't control her anger.
"Ok Ok no need to shout. I know it's been 2 months since I took your notes. But there is a reason why this delay happened."
"Why", Shilpa asked, a little curiously.
"9/11".
"What?"
"Yeah Shilpa 9/11!!!. The day I was planning to return your book, 9/11 happened"
"So What?"
"So what??? So how could I risk my life and travel when those damn terrorists are looking for potential high value targets like me. By not travelling, I denied those terrorists a chance to exploit the situation and thus achieved national peace and harmony"
For the next few minutes Kovaalan could barely make out the flood of sweet words entering his ear drums. He was damn sure most of them started with the letter F though.
"Mad female homosapien", Kovaalan thought. "Ok Ok fine, I will return your book today itself. No need to get so melodramatic.There is a local train that will start from here. I will call you when I reach the station".
Cursing her for spoiling his day, he boarded the train and reached Chennai Beach station. He stepped out of the train onto the station."Now where is the damn exit", he thought. He looked around for the skywalk which leads to the exit. He soon found it, but it was so crowded that people were pushing and pulling each other.
Kovaalan realised it was time to change his brain from relax mode to intelligence mode. "C'mon you modest little intelligent son of Newton, use just a small part of your high IQ brain and think of a way to reach the exit without getting your ass kicked by these ordinary low IQ mortals."
His eyes fell on the railway track. "Aha that's it. The great successor of Newton proves his worth once again". Kovaalan smiled at his own brilliance.
He remembered what Lakshmi teacher had taught him in the Kindergarden.
"Children, whenever you cross a road, first look left, then right, then again left and when there are no vehicles approaching, cross the road". Being the high IQer, he applied the same to his current situation. Dutifully, following his teacher's words to the T, he first looked left, then looked right, then again left and since no train was coming, he crossed the tracks.
Soon he reached the other side. With great effort, he climbed on to the station. No longer did he get onto his feet, than he saw a person with khaki dress standing in front of him, grinning his whole teeth out.
"Hello sweetheart, going somewhere in a hurry?", the constable asked.
"Sorry sir", Kovaalan replied. "Skywalk was too crowded, so I thought I will take the harder route while everyone else can take the easier route over the skywalk".
"Oh is it. I am sure the DIG would be glad to see a person with such a big heart. Come let's go to the station"
"Sir please sir please. I am sorry sir", Kovaalan pleaded. But no use. Kovaalan was taken to the Railway Police station. The DIG had gone out for his lunch, so Kovaalan was asked to wait. He looked around. He could see people staring at him from behind the bars. They were all wearing short pyjamas. He imagined himself in one. He wondered whether they had a pyjama to fit his 40 cm belly. The thought of standing in the station with only a pyjama and hands crossed over his chest scared him. He came over to the constable.
"Uncle..."
The constable stared at him angrily. He had just dyed his hair this morning and had made sure every single white hair had become black.
"Err sorry. Sir...may I please make a call", Kovaalan asked. The constable pointed him towards the phone.
Kovaalan took the phone and dialled a number. After a minute or so, someone picked up at the other end
"Hi Shilpa, how are you"
"Hey you are late. Which station are you in", Shilpa asked
"Police station", Kovaalan replied, somewhat embarrassed.
"What? "
"Sorry long story. Can you come over to the Chennai Beach Police station", Kovaalan asked. Shilpa was bewildered. Nevertheless Kovaalan had her notes and so she had no other choice. "Ok will reach there in 10 minutes".
Meanwhile the DIG returned to the station after having his lunch. Kovaalan straightaway started pleading with him.
"Sir my mistake sir. Please forgive me. I will not repeat this".
"Let me discuss this with Chandrapan". The DIG went over to the constable and had a discussion with him. He returned after a few minutes, his face looking grave.
"We need to go to the court", the DIG told Kovaalan
"What? Court?" Kovaalan was ready to faint. He had seen a courtroom only in the movies. "Sir please sir do something about this sir"
"I am sorry, but the case has already been filed and we can't withdraw it now. No need to be scared. They will just call your name and then you will be asked to pay a fine of Rs.200. Once you pay you can leave".
"Aiyoo, but sir I have only Rs.100 with me"
"Hmm then you can pay Rs 100 and spent one day in jail. The next day you can go".
"Sirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr", Kovaalan pleaded.
The DIG took pity in Kovaalan. "Hmm ok, I will do one thing. I can't withdraw the case. But I can modify it to some other petty crime where you will need to pay just Rs 100".
Kovaalan was relieved. "Thank you sir. May I know what crime that will be".
"I too don't know. Need to find out. I will do it on our way to the court. You will hear about it when your case comes up in court", the DIG replied.
Kovaalan made a quick call. "Shilpa, change in plans. Come to the Chennai Beach court". Shilpa was on the verge of going mad. First the Police Staion and now the Court. What is going on?. She called up Remya. Remya called Ramesh. Ramesh called Suresh. It went on.
Within 10 minutes Kovaalan and the DIG reached the court. There was a big crowd gathered in front of the court. "Some big case involving some useless VIP must be going on", Kovaalan thought. As Kovaalan and the DIG made their way to the court, someone from the crowd called out
"Kovaala...dei Kovaala...".
Kovaalan turned his head towards the crowd. He gasped, his jaws dropped, his eyes almost popped out from the sockets. He saw Shekaran, Suresh, Mohit...literally his entire class standing there and waving at him. The 'crowd' had come to see him. He was that VIP!!!
The whole world started spinning around him. What did he do to deserve this. His face turned red with embarrassment. He cursed Shilpa with whatever bad words he could think of.
A case was ongoing in the court. The DIG informed Kovaalan to be ready as the next case was his. Kovaalan wished he had a lungi to hide his face.
After sometime Kovaalan's case came up for hearing. Kovaalan was asked to stand on the dias meant for accused.The court announcer started shouting out the details of his case. Kovaala
"Accused : Kovaalan Pankajakshan
Crime : Urinating in Public"
WHAT!!!!!!!!!. Kovaalan couldn't believe what he just heard.
The whole court burst out in laughter. Shekaran was uncontrollable. He was rolling on the floor laughing.
Kovaalan wished he could just vanish from the place. He couldn't believe that the DIG could shatter his reputation in the worst possible manner. Urinating in public?Really?The Son of a Donkey, couldn't he come up with a better crime or what.
The judge looked at Kovaalan
"Do you plead guilty for urinating in public"
"I...err...I....hmm...", Kovaalan didn't know what to say
"Do you plead guilty or not", the judge repeated,somewhat angrily.
"I do", Kovaalan replied, his head hanging down, to make sure he sees no one.
"Ok. Pay a fine of Rs 100. Case dismissed".
Kovaalan had to do a lot of running around the courtyard before he could find the backdoor to run away unseen.
