Dad Zuckerberg

It was a goody goody Sunday afternoon which I had planned to spent doing what I knew best - Doing Nothing.  I was on vacation in my hometown. The afternoon temperature was just right for a siesta. A light breeze was flowing in the room. A total bliss. A heaven on earth, that is what my room was that day.

Just when you thought nothing could go wrong today, my dad came into my room with a very excited face.

"My son today I have decided to take the plunge".

"Into what?", I asked, with a dread on my face.

"Into the dark belly that is the digital world. And you are the lucky bastard who gets to help me take my first e-step. You, my son, has been bestowed the honours to teach me how to create my own email id. Give me a high five!!!"

The world around me started crumbling down. There goes my Sunday rejuvenation plan.

"Ok Dad out with it. What's the real reason for this sudden change in your attitude towards this dark belly. Till yesterday you were satisfied with your own belly. What changed in the last 24 hours"

My Dad looked straight at me. He had the looks of a person contemplating whether I could be trusted enough with the biggest secret of his life. After a minute of intense scrutiny, he seems to have made up his mind.

"Ok son this is the deal. That lady over that whom you have been calling mother for the last 30 years of your life, she seems to think I am a good for nothing piece of shit when it comes to anything that remotely resembles digital - and that includes this TV remote also. I plan to prove her wrong. I have chosen you to guide me in my quest to digital literacy".

"Oh great can I get more lucky", I thought.

Even though the catalyst for the same might have been to score an extra point over his arch rival in this competition called marriage, nevertheless deep inside I was feeling proud that my father was ready to upgrade himself even at this age.

"Ok dad let's do it. We will start by creating a gmail id for you. Now to create a gmail id, we need to first open the browser and go to www.gmail.com"

"Sure no problem that should be easy", my dad replied. "Just one doubt. What the hell is a browser".

"Oh boy", I realized with a heavy heart.

"Ok Dad let's start all over. Before we start using the computer you must know what a computer is. This is a computer screen and is a keyboard. There are keys on the keyboard. You can use..."

"Stop it!!!", my dad shouted suddenly interrupting my meticulously planned Computers 101 in between.

He glared at me with red burning coal eyes. "You think I am a fool. I know all these stupid basic stuffs. Go to the advanced topics"

"Ok big boy if that is what you want", I replied. "So you intermediate level student of the digital world, go get the chrome icon and double click on it".

"Now we are getting somewhere. Just tell me what you mean by chrome, icon and double click and be rest assured I am gonna get it".

"I thought you knew the basic stuffs!!!", I cried out.

"You bet I do. But these are advanced topics right, so just run me through these things, I am sure I will catch up", my dad replied with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Alright. Now the small small things that you see on the screen - they are icons. and this is the Chrome icon. Chrome is a web browser that one uses to access the internet."

"Oh ok got it, simple enough", my dad replied. "What next".

"Double click it"

"And how do I do that"?

"Using the mouse dad, using the mouse". I was starting to wish I was somewhere else.

"Ok ok cool it young man, I got it. Ok here we go. Click 1...click 2...there done".

But nothing happened. My dad looked blank and turned to me.

"Place the mouse on the Chrome icon first Dad!!!"

"Ok easy enough. there we go again. click 1....click 2...there done".

Still nothing.

"Now what".

"For heavens sake you are not giving a massage to anyone. Double click means you do 2 clicks fast. You don't do the 2nd click one hour after the first!!!!!!!!", I cried out. My face was beginning to go red.

Finally after huffing and puffing through all the "advanced steps", we finally managed to reach www.gmail.com

"Ok dad I am now creating a gmail id for you - A.Sasidharan.Nair@gmail.com. Now give a password for this."

"Oh it's ok son, I just need a gmail id, I don't want any password", my dad smiled with a dismissing face.

"It's not an option dad. You can't use your gmail id without your password", I replied.

"Ok then let's keep this password - boomboomshakalakkaboomboomshak. How is it. 
Sweet na. It has a nice ring to it".

"Dad please keep the password simple. At this age I am sure you will not remember this password the next minute".

"Na it's ok I will remember it", he replied.

"Ok done. Here you go dad, you have your own gmail id. Congratulations". I wiped the sweat off my face.

Days flew by. I returned back to office and resumed my duties. One day I received a call in my mobile

"Hey dad how's everything going".

"Great son. After you left I started from where we left last time. I think I have reached a fairly advanced state of e-literacy. I even created my own Facebook account!!!"

"Wow dad way to go", I replied. I was feeling very proud.

"By the way I have send you a friend request. Go check it out"

After reaching home, I logged in to Facebook. Due to office workload it has been quite sometime since I had logged in.

"Hmm 4 new friend request". I opened the notifications

A Sasidharan Nair wants to be your friend
Sasidharan Nair A wants to be your friend
Sasidharan Nair wants to be your friend
Sasidharan A Nair wants to be your friend

"What the F@#%". I immediately took my phone.

"Dad what the hell. Why did you make 4 profiles!!!"

"Oh yeah that son. I thought that was easier than remembering the password"

#%&*!@#$%@#$&$#@

I was literally plucking out my hair. "But which profile is the latest one",  I asked throwing up my hands.

"Yeah I am not very sure of that. That's why I am planning to make another profile. Don't worry I will send the first friend request to you"

"Aaaahhhhh", I cried out and cut the phone.

My dad didn't understand what he did wrong. He looked at his arch rival - my mother. She was rolling on the floor laughing.

"Hey lady take it easy, atleast I know this much", he shouted out angrily.

"Yeah right, our maid has send me a Facebook friend request and she has not even gone to school", she managed to cry out while continuing to roll on the floor laughing. "And yeah she needed just one profile to do that"

Meanwhile it took few days for me to recover from this shock and once I was sure I was fine, I again logged into Facebook. Sure enough I could see a new friend request.

Nair Sasidharan wants to be your friend

I forced myself to accept the request. "Great I have 5 online fathers now", I thought.

Curiosity got the better of me and I went into my dad's latest profile to read his wall postings. There was just one posting

"Happy Birthday"

"Did my Dad wish himself happy birthday on his own wall. Oh God please tell me this is not the case". I reluctantly called up my Dad.

"Dad, why did you write Happy Birthday on your own wall"

"Oh that. It was my friend Raveendran's birthday, so I wished him"

"You do that by writing on his wall NOT ON YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh is it. But then Raveendran replied Thank you on my wall", my dad replied bewildered.

"What, how is that possible. How does he even know that you were wishing him". 

Nothing was making sense. I cut the phone and went to my Dad's friends list and searched for Raveendran. 

Raveendran C Nair

Raveendran Chandran Nair

Raveendran Nair Chandran

Raveendran C N

Now everything was making sense. In some corner of the world Raveendran's son must be plucking out his hair.