Parvati's Woes

Parvati - Mohan's cousin - and her mother Laxmikuttyamma, is an example of how two harmless products when combined together can create a deadly output. Disclaimer: This example is protected under Copyrights Acts 2020 so please acquire the legal rights before quoting this for your board exam chemistry paper.

Few years back when Parvati came to Bangalore for her first day of joining a big IT company, Mohan and Manjulla too had accompanied them. Since the campus was huge, and no billboards for help on how to reach their destination, tension was building up.

"Oh we will be late, we will be late. Edi Parvati walk faster.", Laxmikuttyamma kept repeating every few seconds. Her tension was apparent in her voice.

"Aiyo ente Amme the reporting time is 9:30 am. We still have 15 minutes left", Parvati said in an exasperated tone, trying to keep up with Laxmikuttyamma, who was now almost running.

"Your generation doesn't understand the value of punctuality. If it were me I would have reported at 8:30 itself", Laxmikuttyamma replied angrily.

"And then do what. Swat flies?", Parvati shouted back.

"The point is if you are given a time, you should reach atleast 1 hour before the allotted time. Otherwise what would people think about you? Would they not think that her parents did not teach her discipline and punctuality. So indirectly my reputation is at stake here. So walk faster you lazy brat", Laxmi Aunty replied.

Parvati threw up her hands. She turned to Manjulla. "I give up. Somebody drive some sense into this lady. Please tell her this is not the 90s anymore. If I am late I will be blamed, not you", Parvati said

"Can't risk it. Walk faster. Its almost time". Nothing was going to stop Laxmikuttyamma from reaching on time.  

Somehow they managed to reach the reporting location on time. Parvati looked around. Barely 3 to 4 new joinees out of the 1000 odd expected were present. One lady, possibly the company HR, was interacting with them. Parvati turned to her mother and growled. 

"See what I meant!", Parvati shouted. Her leg was paining from all the fast walking and jogging and running she was made to do. 

Laxmikuttyamma was unmoved. "See, that company lady just looked at me when we arrived. I think she is going to give you a promotion today itself because you came on time. Then you will thank me", Laxmikuttyamma said with full confidence, smiling and waving her hands at the HR, who was wondering why a stranger was waving at her.

Parvati looked at Mohan and Manjulla with a She-Has-Lost-It look. Mohan and Manjulla tried hard not to make their giggles apparent to their Aunty.

Years passed by. Parvati got married to Ramesh who was working in the same company and now expecting their first child. Parvati was in constant touch with Manjulla for pregnancy related guidelines. 

"Chechi, can you come with me to the doctor for the next scan", Parvati asked Manjulla one day. Manjulla had come to see how Parvati was doing.

"Sure why not? But what happened to Laxmi aunty?", Manjulla asked. Laxmikuttyamma usually accompanied Parvati for her regular pregnancy related appointments with the doctor. Turning to face Laxmi Aunty Manjulla enquired, "All ok Aunty?". Laxmikuttyamma was brooding, but didn't reply.

"Aiyoo Chechi I told her not to come from next time. Didn't I tell you 2 days back that we were going to see a new Radiologist for my 3rd Trimester scan. When we arrived at her clinic the Radiologist looked at both of our tummies and was confused as to who between us was actually pregnant!!! Chechi it was so embarrassing", Parvati was hysterical recounting her ordeal.

"HAHAHAHA", Manjulla couldn't control her laughter.

"I told her she better reduce her tummy if she wants to accompany me for the next session", Parvati continued, giving her mother a stern look.

"You only go with her Manju. Current generation kids are embarrassed of their mummies and their tummies", Laxmi Aunty said, patting her stomach as if to console it.

"Sure aunty no problem I will go", Manjulla said with a smile.

Two days later Manjulla gets a call from Laxmi Aunty. 

"Manju, Parvati is crying like anything. I don't know what happened. Can you come over and talk to her? The scan results were expected to come today. I don't know whether this has anything to do with that. I don't have the strength to ask her", Laxmi Aunty's voice was filled with dread of the unknown news.

Manjulla rushed to Parvati's house. As she reached Parvati's house she saw Laxmi Aunty waiting for her at the gate. 

"Do something Manjulla, her cries are unbearable to see. I fear the worst", Laxmi Aunty was almost in tears.

"Don't worry Aunty, I will go talk to her. You take rest", Manjulla consoled her and went inside.

With a thumping heart, Manjulla enters Parvati's room. Just like Laxmi Aunty described, she was weeping uncontrollably. Her phone was lying down. Ramesh's photo was on it. 

"Oh no", Majulla thought, "Did something bad happen to Ramesh?".

Manjulla laid a hand on Parvati. "What happened Parvati? Is Ramesh alright?".

Parvati looks up and sees Manjulla. She starts weeping even more. "Hey its ok, I am here. Tell me what happened. Is Ramesh alright?", Manjulla asked with utmost dread and concern.

"Ramesh? Screw Ramesh. Deepika and Shahid are dead", Parvati cried out. With that the intensity of her cry went up a notch.

"Oh!", Manjulla replied, somewhat surprised. "Were they your friends? How did they die?", Manjulla asked

"Ranveer killed them Chechi, Ranveer killed them",Parvati said, in between her intense sobs.

"Who Ranveer?", Manjulla asked.

"Ranveer Singh kills both Deepika Padukone and Shahid Kapur in Padmaavat Chechi". Manjulla looked too stunned to respond. Parvati continued. "Actually and technically Deepika did Sati, suicide etc etc, but then that was because Ranveer was going to capture her no? And he killed my beloved Shahid. I can't bear this Chechi. This is too much for me Chechi too much". there was no stopping Parvati's tears.

"Yeah I agree. This is too much", Manjulla said . She was too stunned to have any emotion on her face. "You were crying because Shahid Kapur and Deepika Padukone died in Padmaavat?", Manjulla asked, still hoping against hope that this was not why she wasted her day and came running.

"You too feel like crying no?You too cry chechi you too cry. Don't hold on to your emotions. In this pregnancy book chapter 2 page 8 paragraph 4 the author, Unnikuttan, says don't hold on to your emotions. Unnikuttan says if you let your emotions flow you will feel good. I feel soo good now Chechi", Parvati said, managing a smile between the cries.

Manjulla was boiling inside, but considering that Parvati was pregnant,  she just left the room without uttering any more word. Parvati continued letting her emotions flow.

As Manjulla came out, Laxmi Aunty came running. "Is Parvati alright?", she asked in anticipation.

"Nothing that a good kick in her butt wouldn't solve", Manjulla burst out, venting out her bottled up emotions - She would have made Unnikuttan proud. As Manjulla stomped out of the house in a puff she stopped midway, turned around and looking at Laxmi Aunty she shouted

"FOR GOD'S SAKE THROW AWAY THAT PREGNANCY BOOK !!!"

Saying this Manjulla walked out, muttering all the way "I will kill that idiot Unnikuttan". Laxmi Aunty was left wondering what the hell happened in that room.

Close Call

"Hey sweetie", Mohan called out. Romance was in the air.

"Yes Darling?", she replied with a sensuous smile, looking into his eyes.

"You have such a smooth skin. I know you use Lux soap. Never thought Lux soap was so effective". Mohan was at his cheesy best.

"Oh Mohan", she smiled. Mohan blushed - blushed like never before. "This must be how heaven feels like", Mohan thought.

"Mohan my sweet baby, your chubby face is soo soo cute. I feel like giving you a pat on your cheeks", she said, caressing Mohan's cheeks.

"Oh Madhu I would love that", Mohan replied eagerly. She smiles and gives a soft pat on Mohan's cheeks.

"Wow that was good. So good. C'mon Madhu a little more harder this time", Mohan said.

"Oh my my you are really enjoying yourself, ain't you, you naughty naughty boy", she said with a teasing smile. She gives a bigger smile and a harder pat on the cheek.

"Harder baby harder, hit harder", Mohan cried out

WHAAAAACCCCKKKKK

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH what the F...". Mohan woke up stunned, hands over his cheeks. 

"Where the hell did Madhuri Dixit go? And who the hell slapped me ???"

And there he was, our little Hero, standing on the bed with both arms crossed, eye brows curved.

"Why the hell did you hit me Kittu?". Mohan was still rubbing his face. He never knew his kid could slap so hard.

"You only told me to hit you no - hit baby hit?", Kittunni retorted.

"Oh man, he heard that? Sheesh", Mohan thought. "Right right", Mohan said, rubbing his eyes and coming back to reality. "Sorry my mistake". Mohan said with a sheepish grin.

"And why were you shouting? You won't let me sleep late atleast on a Saturday???", Kittunni was still angry.

"Sorry", Mohan replied automatically

Then came the thunderbolt

"And who is Madhu? Is she Amma's friend?", Kittunni asked with a doubtful tone curving his eyebrows more. 

"Oh crap, he heard that too!!!", Mohan thought, hitting his head. Looking up to the ceiling, he made a silent complaint - "Why Ayyappa why? Why did he have to hear that one? Do take care of your devotees once in a while. If not for me, atleast for the agarbathis I burn everyday. Those things have become costlier since the last Budget!!!"

"Hello hello, who is this Madhu I asked", Kittunni snapped breaking Mohan's conversation with Ayyappa Swami.

"Oh yeah Kittunni sorry again. Madhu is Madhav uncle, Karthik's father", Mohan blurted out the first thing that came into his mind.

"Really? You call Madhav uncle Madhu?". Kittunni didn't sound convinced.

"Yes that's right", Mohan replied with a grin. Yet Kittunni's expression did not change. Mohan decided to go for the kill. He held his Adams Apple with his thumb and index fingers. 

"Mother Promise!!!", Mohan cried out. Mother Promise was the ultimate test of faith between Kittu and his friends. It beats Harry Potter's Unbreakable Vow in consequence of breaking it. According to the Urban Legend, breaking Mother Promise meant a life long condemnation to Hell and beyond.

 

Kittunni kept scrutinising Mohan's face. Mohan kept looking back, tensed. "Did it work? Please Ayyappa let Mother Promise work", he thought

Finally Kittunni relented. "Why are you still sitting here? Go get your wife, its milk time", Kittunni cried out. For a second Mohan looked dazed. Happily he realised his Mother Promise worked. He could now become the dreaded and strict father once again.

"Oyee you are no longer a baby to drink your mother's milk. Shame on you", Mohan said.

"Chill bro chill. I asked for fridge milk, not Manju milk ok? I am still small enough to enter Kitchen no. You still don't know how to make a tea no. So call Manju", Kittu reasoned.

For once Mohan had to agree. "Ok you go get her. And stop calling her by her name"

"You go get her Acha. Unlike you, I have good toilet habits. I am going to do shu shu". 

As Kittunni walked away for his daily ablutions, Mohan realised how fast his Kittunni was growing up. It felt like just yesterday that Kittunni was born. His entry scene was so dramatic that it still gives Mohan the shivers even today.  According to the doctor, the placenta was ruptured and the resultant blood loss was almost fatal to Manjulla. It was as if Kittunni was so impatient to come out after 9 months of quarantine that he did a scissors cut on the placenta to make way.

As Kittunni grew, so did his pranks. Mohan still remembers the admission day "interview" for his play school. When asked for a self introduction, Kittunni gave one they will never forget.

"Hello there, I am Kittunni, Prince of my apartment, defender of secrets of C block 101. Fabulous secret powers would reveal to me that the day I cried my lungs out waking up the neighboring patients in Apollo hospital, I became Kittu, the most goodest boy in the Universe. Only 2 others share this secret - My Acha and my Amma. Together we protect the secret of C block 101 from the evil forces of B block 201"

So much for being a He-man fan I guess. For the unknown, B-201 was where Kittu's arch enemy Karthik stays.

Suddenly a shout comes out of the bathroom. 

"Acha stop dreaming and tell Amma to make my milk. My shu shu is over"

Kittunni's Day Out

A typical non communist mallu starts his day with a trip to the temple. Though his political inclinations are yet to be established, Kittunni starts his day with a trip to Radhamma's house next door. The trip's outcome will decide whether Kittunni has a good start to his day or not. 

"Hmm", he thought as he ransacked Radhamma's kitchen. "Not here eh? Looks like Manu Anna changed the location yet again", he surmised.

Meanwhile Radhamma, whose day starts by "unmessing" Kittunni's mess gave a know-it-all smile to Kittunni.

"Told you Manu changed the location yesterday night", she said.

"Ok Radhamma I believe you", Kittunni said. "But you see he is your son, so it is highly possible that he will emotionally blackmail you to be in his team"

"Wow big words for a 5 year old Kittunni - emotional blackmail!!!", Radhamma said, amused.

"Yeah yeah I know...you see in yesterday's episode Dora emotionally blackmailed Boots and Diego. I don't know what it means but it sounds so biggy biggy", Kittunni said, still deep in thought.

"Ok I will give you a hint - TV", Radhamma said with a wink.

"TV???" Kittunni looked confused. How can it be in the TV? Even he knows that nothing that is shown in the TV is real. He had learnt this through the hard way when he was a baby. He mistook a deliciously looking ice cream ad being played on TV as real and ended up licking the TV!!! "

"Yuck", Kittunni thought, returning from the flashback. "I was indeed a dumb kid 3 years back". Then patting himself he smiled. "Luckily you are a brilliant boy now Kittu. You are the pride of your family". 

Then suddenly the thought stuck him. "Aha I think I know what Radhamma meant". Slowly he made his way to the TV, knelt down and opened the cabinet below the TV. Lo and behold, there it was, like a glow in the dark, Kittunni finally found his treasure - Manu's chocolate jar!!!

"Radhamma, your son never learns. He thinks he can change his hiding position everyday and keep his chocolates hidden from me. Tell him that is never going to happen"

"Ok boss", Radhamma smiled.

And just like the mallu who receives his prasadam from the priest with a content heart,  Kittunni took his day's quota of chocolates from the treasure trove with a satisfaction that was unmatched.

As he was happily returning to his home, munching and trying to extract the last drop of sweetness from his prasadam, he was greeted by an angry looking Manjulla who was standing at the doorway with crossed arms and fiery eyes.

"Oops", Kittunni smile vanished. 

Chocolates were banned in Kittunni's house and this was the reason behind his daily treasure hunt in Radhamma's house.

He started thinking fast. He decided to go with flattery.

"Good morning Amma. You look very beautiful. I am sure you used Santoor soap today. Didn't anyone ask you which college you were studying? If you want I will run and hug you calling Mummmmmmy when someone asks you that question"

No reduction in his Amma's angry looks. Flattery doesn't seem to be working today.

"What the hell are you eating", she asked angrily. 

"Err Ragi biscuits?", Kittunni replied, with a sheepish smile. Manjulla's eye brows curved. She knew that smile of his. It is his smile-and-get-away expression. It is not going to work today.

"Ok sorry, it's chocolates", Kittunni confessed.

"Haven't I told you eating chocolates is bad for your health", Manjulla continued, in her angry voice.

"Radhamma gave it to me so I had to take it. If I don't take it she will feel bad no? She is very old no? What if I say No and then she gets some heart problems. I was helpless. I did this for her Amma", Kittunni replied with a what-else-can-I-do expression.

"What???". Manjulla couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You never have that sentiments when she offers you fruits or vegetables"

"Ahh. You see then I will feel bad if I say yes. I am very young no?I don't want anything bad happening to me either. I love me no?", Kittunni replied with a matter-of-factly expression.

Manjulla was at her wits end. 

"Get back into the house. Your class is going to start", she shouted.

Kittunni didn't realise that it was time for his online class to start. He obediently followed his mother and sat in front of the laptop.  Within few minutes Kittunni's online class was underway.

"Good morning children", Kittunni's teacher Sulochanna said. "Today we are going to study about insects. I will be showing you picture of insects and you have to tell me the insect's name, ok? 

"Okkkk Teacheeeeer", the children answered in unison.

"And if you have any doubts, don't hesitate to speak up, ok children?"

"Okkkkk Teacheeeer"

A honey bee's picture cropped up on the screen. "Ok Mini, you tell me which insect is this?", Sulochanna Teacher asked one of the other students.

"Honey bee", Mini gave the answer. 

"Good girl Mini. We will go to the next picture", Sulochanna Teacher said.

Next an ant's picture came up. "Ok Kittuni your chance, what is this?"

"Ant", Kittunni replied. 

"Indeed. Very good", Sulochanna Teacher replied.

"But teacher I have a doubt", Kittunni asked, hands raised. "Oh no...don't don't", Manjulla silently prayed to Durga Ma. Kittunni was famous for his extraordinary doubts.

"Sure Kittunni, what is your doubt?", Sulochanna teacher replied, happy that someone was taking interest in her class.

"Is that the ant's butt?", Kittunni asked, pointing to the rear section of the picture

"Whaaat?", Sulochanna teacher was caught off guard. "Hmm yeah". She didn't know what else to say.

"Why is it sooo bigggg?", Kittunni asked, with both hands extended to the sides to show to her teacher how big she meant.  "See here my butt is very small and cute. But this ant butt very big. Why?".

Manjulla gasped. "What the hell is he upto", she thought. But the video was on and she couldn't do anything else other than looking on helplessly. To be fair, the picture on the screen was so enlarged that the ant did indeed look like having an overgrown ass.

"Err Kittunni, you see ants need to carry food for winter", Sulochanna teacher replied, thinking how best to answer this.

"Ants store food inside their butt? Is that why it is so big". Kittunni asked, with a finger on his chin and trying to make a mental picture.

Manjulla couldn't take it any more. She ran away from the laptop, leaving Sulochanna teacher to fend for herself.

"No no, not like that", Sulochanna teacher was lost for words. "You see Kittunni, they need to carry heavy loads like food and other materials so they need a strong back".

Then something clicked for Kittunni. "Aah Teacher now I understand. My father goes to gym, put muscles inside his hands and lifts things. So Ant also goes to gym, puts muscles inside his butt and lift things. Correct, no?"

Sulochanna teacher looked on without speaking for 2 whole seconds. 

"Yes dear that is how it works", she sighed with a sense of resignation.

After a productive classroom session and evening play, it soon became night time. Time for Kittunni and Mohan to go to bed. Every night Kittunni and his dad spent sometime lying on the bed and reading books before going to sleep. Kittunni reads Adventures of Dora series and his dad some random book. 

But today Kittunni felt sleepy earlier than usual.

"Acha go to sleep, I need to sleep", Kittunni said, with a big yawn

"Kittu, You sleep. I will read for some more time. I will sleep after that", Mohan replied

"Acha, I have class tomorrow. So I have to sleep. So you also sleep"

"I told you to go to sleep if you want, I will sleep after sometime"

"Acha, don't disturb me go to sleep", Kittunni continued.

"What the hell?" anger rising in Mohan's voice. "I am not even talking to you so how can I disturb you. You are the one who is disturbing me. Go go to sleep you brat", Mohan shouted in anger.

Kittunni gets up and sits near Mohan's face. He brings his face close to Mohan's.

"Go to sleep", Kittunni said, in as much icy voice a 5 year old could conjure up.

"For heavens sake go to sleep you weasel", Mohan shouted.

No change in reaction from Kittunni. He kept staring at Mohan's face, their noses barely separated. Tension in the air.

Mohan was the first to relent.

"Ok compromise. No need to sleep. You just lie down somewhere and don't disturb me", he said

"Oh my Ayyappa Swami!!!" Kittunni cried out. "How can you even say that? I am a small boy, I need my sleep. Why are you telling me to just lie down instead of telling me to go to sleep. Are you even a father?"

"Then SLEEEEEEEP @#$%&^!@##!!!!", Mohan shouted

"You sleep"

Smoke started coming out from Mohan's ears. 

AAARRRHHHHGGGG!!!!

Mohan glared at Kittunni, closed the book and put the blanket over his head. All the regional, national and international cuss words were flowing under the blanket.

Kittunni could finally get some sleep. He laid down on the bed. Then thinking of something, he turned his head sideways and looked at his dad covered by the blanket. "One more thing. Don't disturb me by snoring. I need to sleep"

Sounds of hair being plucked out could be heard from under the blanket.