Kittunni's Day Out

A typical non communist mallu starts his day with a trip to the temple. Though his political inclinations are yet to be established, Kittunni starts his day with a trip to Radhamma's house next door. The trip's outcome will decide whether Kittunni has a good start to his day or not. 

"Hmm", he thought as he ransacked Radhamma's kitchen. "Not here eh? Looks like Manu Anna changed the location yet again", he surmised.

Meanwhile Radhamma, whose day starts by "unmessing" Kittunni's mess gave a know-it-all smile to Kittunni.

"Told you Manu changed the location yesterday night", she said.

"Ok Radhamma I believe you", Kittunni said. "But you see he is your son, so it is highly possible that he will emotionally blackmail you to be in his team"

"Wow big words for a 5 year old Kittunni - emotional blackmail!!!", Radhamma said, amused.

"Yeah yeah I know...you see in yesterday's episode Dora emotionally blackmailed Boots and Diego. I don't know what it means but it sounds so biggy biggy", Kittunni said, still deep in thought.

"Ok I will give you a hint - TV", Radhamma said with a wink.

"TV???" Kittunni looked confused. How can it be in the TV? Even he knows that nothing that is shown in the TV is real. He had learnt this through the hard way when he was a baby. He mistook a deliciously looking ice cream ad being played on TV as real and ended up licking the TV!!! "

"Yuck", Kittunni thought, returning from the flashback. "I was indeed a dumb kid 3 years back". Then patting himself he smiled. "Luckily you are a brilliant boy now Kittu. You are the pride of your family". 

Then suddenly the thought stuck him. "Aha I think I know what Radhamma meant". Slowly he made his way to the TV, knelt down and opened the cabinet below the TV. Lo and behold, there it was, like a glow in the dark, Kittunni finally found his treasure - Manu's chocolate jar!!!

"Radhamma, your son never learns. He thinks he can change his hiding position everyday and keep his chocolates hidden from me. Tell him that is never going to happen"

"Ok boss", Radhamma smiled.

And just like the mallu who receives his prasadam from the priest with a content heart,  Kittunni took his day's quota of chocolates from the treasure trove with a satisfaction that was unmatched.

As he was happily returning to his home, munching and trying to extract the last drop of sweetness from his prasadam, he was greeted by an angry looking Manjulla who was standing at the doorway with crossed arms and fiery eyes.

"Oops", Kittunni smile vanished. 

Chocolates were banned in Kittunni's house and this was the reason behind his daily treasure hunt in Radhamma's house.

He started thinking fast. He decided to go with flattery.

"Good morning Amma. You look very beautiful. I am sure you used Santoor soap today. Didn't anyone ask you which college you were studying? If you want I will run and hug you calling Mummmmmmy when someone asks you that question"

No reduction in his Amma's angry looks. Flattery doesn't seem to be working today.

"What the hell are you eating", she asked angrily. 

"Err Ragi biscuits?", Kittunni replied, with a sheepish smile. Manjulla's eye brows curved. She knew that smile of his. It is his smile-and-get-away expression. It is not going to work today.

"Ok sorry, it's chocolates", Kittunni confessed.

"Haven't I told you eating chocolates is bad for your health", Manjulla continued, in her angry voice.

"Radhamma gave it to me so I had to take it. If I don't take it she will feel bad no? She is very old no? What if I say No and then she gets some heart problems. I was helpless. I did this for her Amma", Kittunni replied with a what-else-can-I-do expression.

"What???". Manjulla couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You never have that sentiments when she offers you fruits or vegetables"

"Ahh. You see then I will feel bad if I say yes. I am very young no?I don't want anything bad happening to me either. I love me no?", Kittunni replied with a matter-of-factly expression.

Manjulla was at her wits end. 

"Get back into the house. Your class is going to start", she shouted.

Kittunni didn't realise that it was time for his online class to start. He obediently followed his mother and sat in front of the laptop.  Within few minutes Kittunni's online class was underway.

"Good morning children", Kittunni's teacher Sulochanna said. "Today we are going to study about insects. I will be showing you picture of insects and you have to tell me the insect's name, ok? 

"Okkkk Teacheeeeer", the children answered in unison.

"And if you have any doubts, don't hesitate to speak up, ok children?"

"Okkkkk Teacheeeer"

A honey bee's picture cropped up on the screen. "Ok Mini, you tell me which insect is this?", Sulochanna Teacher asked one of the other students.

"Honey bee", Mini gave the answer. 

"Good girl Mini. We will go to the next picture", Sulochanna Teacher said.

Next an ant's picture came up. "Ok Kittuni your chance, what is this?"

"Ant", Kittunni replied. 

"Indeed. Very good", Sulochanna Teacher replied.

"But teacher I have a doubt", Kittunni asked, hands raised. "Oh no...don't don't", Manjulla silently prayed to Durga Ma. Kittunni was famous for his extraordinary doubts.

"Sure Kittunni, what is your doubt?", Sulochanna teacher replied, happy that someone was taking interest in her class.

"Is that the ant's butt?", Kittunni asked, pointing to the rear section of the picture

"Whaaat?", Sulochanna teacher was caught off guard. "Hmm yeah". She didn't know what else to say.

"Why is it sooo bigggg?", Kittunni asked, with both hands extended to the sides to show to her teacher how big she meant.  "See here my butt is very small and cute. But this ant butt very big. Why?".

Manjulla gasped. "What the hell is he upto", she thought. But the video was on and she couldn't do anything else other than looking on helplessly. To be fair, the picture on the screen was so enlarged that the ant did indeed look like having an overgrown ass.

"Err Kittunni, you see ants need to carry food for winter", Sulochanna teacher replied, thinking how best to answer this.

"Ants store food inside their butt? Is that why it is so big". Kittunni asked, with a finger on his chin and trying to make a mental picture.

Manjulla couldn't take it any more. She ran away from the laptop, leaving Sulochanna teacher to fend for herself.

"No no, not like that", Sulochanna teacher was lost for words. "You see Kittunni, they need to carry heavy loads like food and other materials so they need a strong back".

Then something clicked for Kittunni. "Aah Teacher now I understand. My father goes to gym, put muscles inside his hands and lifts things. So Ant also goes to gym, puts muscles inside his butt and lift things. Correct, no?"

Sulochanna teacher looked on without speaking for 2 whole seconds. 

"Yes dear that is how it works", she sighed with a sense of resignation.

After a productive classroom session and evening play, it soon became night time. Time for Kittunni and Mohan to go to bed. Every night Kittunni and his dad spent sometime lying on the bed and reading books before going to sleep. Kittunni reads Adventures of Dora series and his dad some random book. 

But today Kittunni felt sleepy earlier than usual.

"Acha go to sleep, I need to sleep", Kittunni said, with a big yawn

"Kittu, You sleep. I will read for some more time. I will sleep after that", Mohan replied

"Acha, I have class tomorrow. So I have to sleep. So you also sleep"

"I told you to go to sleep if you want, I will sleep after sometime"

"Acha, don't disturb me go to sleep", Kittunni continued.

"What the hell?" anger rising in Mohan's voice. "I am not even talking to you so how can I disturb you. You are the one who is disturbing me. Go go to sleep you brat", Mohan shouted in anger.

Kittunni gets up and sits near Mohan's face. He brings his face close to Mohan's.

"Go to sleep", Kittunni said, in as much icy voice a 5 year old could conjure up.

"For heavens sake go to sleep you weasel", Mohan shouted.

No change in reaction from Kittunni. He kept staring at Mohan's face, their noses barely separated. Tension in the air.

Mohan was the first to relent.

"Ok compromise. No need to sleep. You just lie down somewhere and don't disturb me", he said

"Oh my Ayyappa Swami!!!" Kittunni cried out. "How can you even say that? I am a small boy, I need my sleep. Why are you telling me to just lie down instead of telling me to go to sleep. Are you even a father?"

"Then SLEEEEEEEP @#$%&^!@##!!!!", Mohan shouted

"You sleep"

Smoke started coming out from Mohan's ears. 

AAARRRHHHHGGGG!!!!

Mohan glared at Kittunni, closed the book and put the blanket over his head. All the regional, national and international cuss words were flowing under the blanket.

Kittunni could finally get some sleep. He laid down on the bed. Then thinking of something, he turned his head sideways and looked at his dad covered by the blanket. "One more thing. Don't disturb me by snoring. I need to sleep"

Sounds of hair being plucked out could be heard from under the blanket.