The Queen's Gambit

A lazy afternoon, a heavy lunch and a peaceful siesta - Manu had it all planned and set. 

And then came the shout 

"Manu Anna....Manu Anna"

"And there goes my plan out of the window", Manu groaned

Within seconds our hero makes his grand entry.

"Manu Anna, how was your lunch?", Kittunni asked, opening the door and walking in, rubbing his belly lovingly. Manu sensed Kittunni's mood. Kittunni seems to have had a very sumptuous meal and wanted to brag about it to him.

"Ok I guess", Manu replied with a mock sad face, giving Kittunni the perfect platform to launch his punch dialogue.

"Just Ok? That's it? Mine was too good Manu Anna. Oh my God, you know what? I ate 2 fishes!!! 2 fishes Manu Anna! Can you believe that?", Kittunni's excitement was uncontrollable.

"Oh gosh, 2 fishes you say? Were you were so hungry Kittu?", Manu egged him on.

"I was hungry so I ate the first fish. But then the first fish I ate was also hungry so I ate the second fish !!!", Kittunni replied.

"Such a blessed soul you are Kittu. You have such a big heart. You showed great kindness for the fish you caught, killed and then ate without remorse!", Manu Anna said, putting both his hands over his heart and blinking fast with a fake smile and a sigh.

"Yups that's me - a big heart guy", Kittunni replied with a shy smile, apparently not catching the sarcasm.

"But does your tummy have space for 2 fishes?", Manu asked in a doubtful tone.

"Manu Anna don't go by my tummy's size. This is a high quality 24-carat tummy. Anything can go in (points to his mouth) and everything will come out (points to his butt). No wastage no blockage", Kittunni explained.

"Wow so complicated biology explained in such simple terms Kittu!!!", Manu exclaimed. 

"Bio what?", Kittunni asked in a perplexed voice.

"Never mind. You see Kittu, I was thinking I will also have fish. All your talk of eating fish has made me also want to eat fish", Manu said. 

"Manu Anna NOOO!!!". Kittunni was shocked to hear such blasphemous words from Manu's mouth. "You are a vegetarian no? What will society think of you. What will Radhamma think of you? Even worse, what will Radhamma think of me?"

"Don't worry Kittu I will take care of the society and my mom Kittu", Manu continued.

"That's not all Manu Anna. Your veggie tummy's carat quality will be 2 or 3 only. You veggie peoples don't take panga with non veggie things. I am telling you for your own good only - one bro to another. Later on don't blame me for what comes out from your mouth or butt", Kittunni warned.

"I will sign a legal document absolving you of all the charges in case anything happens to me if I eat fish", Manu declared. 

Kittunni put his hand on his head and sat down with a heavy sigh. "Oh No! What have I done?", Kittunni thought to himself. "The pressure on Manu Anna to be like me must be too much for him. I wish I was not so perfect".

Meanwhile Shanmugham, Radhamma's husband and Manu's father, came back after buying the daily groceries. Like Radhamma, Kittunni was also close to Shanmugham.

"Appuppa, where is my lollypop?", Kittunni asked with authority.

"Eh? What lollypop Kittu?", Shanmugham asked, feigning memory loss and scratching his head.

"Appuppa I give you one task and you can't even do that properly? All that was expected of you was to go to shop, take MY lollypop, open YOUR wallet, pay YOUR money and get it done with. Where is the confusion here I don't understand?", asked Kittunni, throwing up both his hands in the air.

"What happened to the one I gave you yesterday?", Shanmugham enquired.

"As Dora the Explorer says, never ever postpone eating a lollypop. The moment you get it, you lick it, you wet it, and finally you gulp it", Kittunni replied, with head held high and both hands on the hips.

"Ok boss, do you also recollect your monologue yesterday evening when I gave you that lollypop which you wetted, licked and gulped?", Appuppa asked, looking at Kittunni with crossed hands.  

"Err Appuppa, you see I am a small boy no, I sometimes forget these small small things", Kittunni replied, with a guilty smile, hoping to avoid an answer.

"Don't worry I am a big boy no, I remember it all too well. Let me help you recollect", Manu interjected. "You said, Appuppa are you not ashamed of yourself to give me - a small cute little boy - such junk foods? You have no concern for my lungs, liver and heart? Che che bad Appuppa"

"Really? I said all that?", Kittuni asked, still "trying" to recollect such an incident. He threw an angry glance at a grinning Manu.

"Oh yeah you did you little brat", Appuppa replied.

"Appuppa we had a deal no?", Kittunni tried to explain. "You gave me the lollypop when Mohan was standing near the door no? When my Acha is standing near me, I will shout at the top of my voice my opposition to all the junk foods. But once he goes back inside the house I will come without any shame and collect my share. Isn't that our deal? You forgot?", Kittunni asked questioningly.

"But yesterday's dialogue delivery was too much Kittu. It went right through here", Appuppa said, pointing at his heart and acting hurt.

"Sorry Appuppa sometimes we professional actors get too much into the character that we can't differentiate between acting and living", Kittunni explained. "You see unless Mohan is convinced of my act that I hate junk foods, I can't come over to your house and eat junk foods peacefully"

"You will become a great politician Kittu", Appuppa said with a smile. "Here have your lollypop".

"Thanks Appuppa you are the best. You got one for Manu Anna also right?".

"Yeah yeah I got one for your partner also Kittu", Shangmugham replied.

"Good. Manu my boy, put the TV on. Chotta Bheem is about to start". 

And there it was, the 5-year old and 25-year old best friends, licking their lollypops together and enjoying their favourite TV show.

5 minutes later a voice was heard from outside the door.

"Kittu where are you. Your online class is about to begin"

"O crap! Here comes trouble", Kittu moaned.

Mohan enters Shanmugham's house. "Kittuuuu", he calls out.

Shangmugham comes to the door. 

"Hello uncle", Mohan greeted Shangmugham. "Is Kittu here? His class is in the afternoon today".

"Hi Mohan. Kittunni is here only". Then turning towards the TV he called out, "Kittunni your father ha....". Shanmugham voice trailed off. Kittu's seat was empty! 

"Oh he was here a moment ago", Shangmugham said. Let me go inside and check. "Kittu...Kittu...your father is here, where are you?", Shanmugham called out, while searching all the rooms. He couldn't find Kittunni anywhere.

Finally Shangmugham tiptoes silently to the bathroom and slowly opens the door. There he was, Kittunni, trying hard to break the lollypop with his teeth.

"Hey Kittu your father is calling you", he called out to Kittunni

"Of course I know that Appuppa. Why do you think I am hiding here?", Kittunni barked out, as if it should have been apparent to his Appuppa.

"But why are you hiding here Kittu?", Shangmugham asked.

"I am trying to bite and break this lollypop into pieces, but it is not breaking. Looks like this lollypop is older than even you. Which ice age lollypop you got for me?", Kittunni replied, throwing Shangmugham an accusing glance in between his biting efforts.

"It's ok Kittunni you can lick it and finish it slowly, no need to break it into pieces", Shangmugham tried to comfort Kittunni.

"You think that is an option for me now!!! You think?", Kittunni asked, his voice raised. "The enemy is at the gate Appuppa. Mohan will beat me black and blue if he catches me with the lollypop, Sulochanna Teacher will question my career choices if I sit in class with a lollypop. Too much at stake here for me."

"Ok so what do you want me to do Kittu?", Shanmugham asked

"Protect your King, that is what you have got to do!!! As instructed by the Evil Queen, the enemy King has come himself, leaving behind all his Rooks and Bishops to capture your King. My Queen has gone I don't know where and my Rook is licking his lollypop and watching Chotta Bheem. You are now my only hope! As my bishop you do what it takes to stop him till I get my job done", Kittunni ordered, in parallel continuing with his efforts to try and break down the hard rocked lollypop. Time was running out for Kittu. 

"Playing chess now, are we?", Shanmugham asked with a smile

"GO !!!", Kittunni shouted. He didn't want any more disturbances. He had a job to finish.

"Ok Ok take it easy", Shanmugham replied. He returned to the hallway.

"Hey Mohan, Kittu is in the bathroom, he will be back any moment", Shanmugham said.

Kittunni could hear Shanmugham's voice in the bathroom. "Good my Bishop is playing his part well", he thought. He was still trying hard to break down the lollypop. "Break you stupid thing break!". He continued biting. 

CRACKKKK

A big sound was heard in the hallway. This was followed by some more weird sounds - as if stones were being ground into powder

"Uncle, what are those sounds?", Mohan asked in a surprised tone

"Must be some rat chewing on a lollypop I guess", Shangmmugham replied with a smile.

After a minute or so Kittunni came out of the bathroom

"Hey Acha, when did you come? I didn't hear you at all. Sorry I was little busy in the bathroom", Kittunni replied, with a broad smile to show how happy he was to see Mohan.

"C'mon its time for your class, let's go", Mohan said.

"Sure let's go Acha". Then looking at Manu and Shangmugham he threw a wink. "Bye guys!!! See you later".

Online Exam

 As usual the sun did its job as was its wont - it rose in the east at 6 am, the hen did its job - it shouted its throat out at 6 am for which it was duly punished and ended up as Afghani Murgh Kebab in someone's stomach by 1 pm and finally even the clock did it's job - the shorter needle came to rest at 6 and the longer needle at 12. But Kittunni continued his heavenly bliss in bed. Neither the push of the bulldozer sized muscles of Mohan nor the scissors cut kick from Manjulla could bring Kittunni back to reality. Finally the ice cold water did the trick.

"Go get ready you lazy bones, the class will start in one hour. Get ready fast", Manjulla shouted. Today was a special class. It was going to be the first class test since online classes started due to Corona. Manjulla wanted everything to be perfect. 

Out of the corner of her eyes, she caught Mohan crawling back to the bed, silently. "Where do you think you are going?", she asked in a menacing voice.

"Hey it's not my class test, so let me sleep for some more time", Mohan protested. 

"It's Kittu's test which means it's our test, got it? I don't want him to be the only kid who fails the test so get up and help me help Kittu get ready", Manjulla ordered, hands pointing to the bathroom.

"As if he is going to write the IAS exam", Mohan thought to himself, reluctantly pulling himself up. Getting up early morning was not Mohan's cup of tea. He cursed Kittu's school for keeping class at 7 am. Somehow the school had this stupid notion that kids performed best in the early morning, so they kept the special class at this special time. 

Meanwhile Kittunni was brushing his teeth, but his thoughts were somewhere else.

"Sirf pass thodi hona hei, mujhe first aana hei", he kept muttering to himself. 

Tears swelled up in Manjulla's eyes. "My son will make proud", she thought

The truth was Kittunni was still in hangover from yesterday's late night Avengers movie. Though he enjoyed the movie, what seems to have registered more in his mind was the annoying Milk Bikis biscuit advertisement which had appeared every 5 minutes during the movie.

Finally everyone was ready by 7 am. Mohan resumed his sleep after his duties were done. Manjulla and Kittunni sat in front of the laptop waiting for everyone to join - Manjulla with full josh, Kittunni with full doze. He just wished he could go back to sleep.

"Kittu, remember the story telling we have been practising for last 2 days. Recite it again so that I know you remember it", Manjulla asked. She wanted everything to go perfect today.

"Please Amma I know it, I will tell Sulochanna teacher if she asks me", Kittu replied.

Soon Sulochanna teacher joined the call followed by Kittunni's classmates Mani, Rani and Akbar.

"Good morning children", Sulochanna Teacher greeted everyone. "How is everyone today. Hope everyone slept well. All of you are looking very fresh I can see".

Kittunni looked at Manjulla. "She's joking right?", he asked with a big yawn. Luckily the call was on mute. "Just answer yes Kittu", Manjulla retorted with an angry look.

"Yes Teacher", all the kids answered in unison. Suddenly Rani started shouting. "Teacher I did my homework I did my homework". Sulochanna Teacher looked visibly happy. "Very good Rani. Keep it up". 

But someone else was not.

"I did my homework I did my homework", Manjulla muttered, imitating what she just heard, with her mouth curving down in an apparent angry expression. "Did someone asked her about it? I am sure her mother would have told her to say so to get an extra mark in the test. I will also do the same. Kittu do..."

Her voice trailed off. Kittunni was busy sitting and sleeping, his head resting on his chest!!!

"This boy will be my ruin", she thought, both hands over her head. "Oyee get up get up",she shouted in a strong whisper, careful enough so that others in the call doesn't hear her voice.

Kittu suddenly woke up. "Once upon a time there was a lion in the jungle. He was friends with a jackal....",  he started his story telling he has been practicing since last few days.

"Susshhhhh stop it stop it not now not now", Manjulla shouted. "Where is the mute button in this damn app". She started fumbling in an effort to find the mute button. Finally she found it.

"What do you think you are doing Kittu? How dare you sleep in class. Especially today?", Manjulla asked sternly. Kittunni looked at Manjulla sleepily.

"Sorry Amma, but I am feeling sleepy", Kittunni replied, again with a big yawn. "No way!", Manjulla shouted. "Sit straight and concentrate. Looks like Rani has already scored an extra mark with her buttering. We have lot of catching up to do".

Meanwhile Sulochanna Teacher continued. "So Children as you all know we have a test today. Are you all ready?". 

"Yessss!", shouted Rani. 

"Ok", said Kittunni with a yawn. 

"Hmm", was Mani's response. 

"No", replied Akbar

Sulochanna Teacher looked at Akbar, who stood out with the negative reply. "Why Akbar, are you not ready for the test", she asked him.

"No"

 "Why?", Sulochanna Teacher enquired. 

"My Mama was very busy Teacher, so didn't get time to be ready", Akbar replied innocently. His teacher got a little angry. "So what if your Mama was busy? You could have studied yourself right? Is this your test or Mama's test?", she asked

"Mama's test", came the reply. 

"Eh? Why like that?", she asked, in a surprised voice. 

"Mama says if I don't get more marks than Rani then she will not be able to show her face to anyone", Akbar replied. 

There was a pin drop silence for sometime followed by some background giggles, as if people were trying hard to suppress their laughter. Akbar's Mama just about managed to give an embarrassed smile.

 Sulochanna Teacher continued, "So let's start the test. I will start with Rani. Rani dear are you ready?"

"Yes Yes teacher", Rani replied, excited at the prospect of rising to the challenge. 

"Ok, for you I will be asking questions on addition.", Sulochanna teacher said. "So Rani can you tell me what will you get if I add 2 apples and 3 oranges?"

"I will get loose motion teacher", Rani shouted out. "What!!!", Sulochanna Teacher asked, shocked. "Yes Teacher", Rani continued, "Whenever I eat an apple and an orange,  I get loose motion. Doctor aunty says I have some allergy to eating apple and orange together. "

"Hmm Ok...", Sulochanna Teacher was fumbling to get the right words out. 

Meanwhile Rani was excited. After all didn't she just give the right answer. "Teacher teacher did I get 10 out of 10. Mama said she will buy me an ice cream if I got 10 out of 10 marks", Rani asked, unable to control her excitement

"I will tell Mama to buy you ice cream dear", Sulochanna Teacher replied, with a heavy voice. 

The first online test session was becoming more than what Sulochanna Teacher had bargained for. Little did she know that the best was yet to come. She turned to the next kid, hoping for something better. "Ok Mani are you ready?"

"Yes Teacher", Mani replied. 

"Ok for you I will be asking about shapes. Mani can you tell me what is a circle"

"I don't know teacher", Mani replied. "Oh you don't remember what a circle is?", Sulochanna Teacher asked. "It's ok, no problem. What about square?"

"No"

"Rectangle?"

"Nopes"

"What about triangle?"

"Never heard of it"

Sulochanna Teacher was getting irritated. "Do you know any shapes at all?", she asked, little sternly

"Yes Teacher. I know icosidodecahedral and dodecahedron"

"What the hell is that?", she asked, looking blank

"Shapes", Mani replied nonchalantly. Sulochanna Teacher looked at Mani as if he was from some other planet. 

"You don't know what a circle is but you know icoso decathalon?". Sulochanna Teacher was at her wits end. 

"Its icosidodecahedral Teacher", Mani replied

"Yeah yeah that only", she replied, slightly embarrassed. "You don't know simple shapes but know all these complicated ones?", she asked 

"What can I say Teacher. I am a complicated person", Mani replied calmly. 

Sulochanna Teacher had a What-The-Hell-Am-I-Doing-Here look. She took some time to regain her composure. Then she continued. 

"Ok moving onto lesser complicated shapes and children, Akbar are you ready?"

"Yes Teacher", came the reply. She then showed a picture of Rhombus on the screen. "What is this Akbar?", she asked

"Colombus", Akbar replied.

"Say what?", Sulochanna looked utterly bewildered.

"The shape is Colombus teacher", Akbar replied as confirmation.

"It's not Colombus Akbar, it's Rhombus", Sulochanna Teacher corrected him. "Ok Teacher", replied Akbar obediently.

"Good. So tell me what is this shape?", she asked again

"Rholombus"

"Rhombus!", she replied, in a louder voice

"Compass"

"RHOMBUSSSSSSS", she shouted

"Colombusssssss"

"AAAHHHHHH!!!!!", Sulochanna Teacher cried out, losing control, and forgetting momentarily that parents were also there in the call.

It was now very obvious that Sulochanna Teacher was frustrated beyond measure. "Ok Sulochanna calm down just one more kid and you will be done with this for good", she thought to herself. "Ok Kittunni are you ready?",she asked. Without waiting for a response she continued, "An easy one for you. Tell a good story and then we will wind up", hoping for atleast one sane answer

No reply. 

Manjulla looked surprised. "Why was Kittu not replying?", she thought. She turned to face Kittunni who was sitting next to her. And there he was again, eyes closed and sleeping, head resting on the chest. "Kittu get up get up recite the story", Manjulla whispered, pinching his legs.

"Ahh!!!", Kittunni woke up with a start. Shaken out from his sleep, Kittunni started reciting the story he thought he had perfected over the last 2 days.

"Once upon a time there was an Ironman in the jungle. He was friends with a Spiderman. In the nearby well a bad Thanos resided. Then one day....one day....Ironman and Spiderman fought...with...with Thanos...and...and...ZZZZZZ". 

As Manjulla watched in horror Kittunni dozed off and two seconds later loud snores reached Sulochanna Teacher's ears. 

Sulochanna Teacher sat quiet for sometime. Then she turned and faced all the children, atleast the ones who were not yet sleeping

"Thanks children for such a wonderful test. All of you have done extremely well. Meet you all tomorrow. Logging off"