Morning blues

"UUAAAAAAAA"...."UUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

I sprang up from my bed.

"Wha wha what happened what happened...".

I looked around my room. Nothing.

"Did India just conduct it's 3rd nuclear test outside my hostel room ?????", I thought to myself.

I looked out of the window. Just a few pigeons practising their shitting skills on some poor chap's clothes below.

The nuclear test seemed to be the only possible explanation. Nothing else could sound so loud to awaken the sleeping giant. I stood still for sometime trying to hear the sound again. Silence. Hmm maybe just a bad dream I guess. I looked at the watch. It was only 8:45 in the morning. There is still a lot of time left for the first lecture. It starts only at 9:30. Who bothers about getting up now. And back to sleep I went.

"UUAAAAAAAAAAA.........UUAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"What the ****...".

I got out of my bed.

"Definitely not my dream. No one makes such stupid noise in my dreams. Not even me"

I was determined to find out what it was. I opened the door.

"UUAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

The full blast of the sound wave, magnified 100 times, hit me squarely on my face. Things in my room started flying around, my cupboard door closing and opening at a vigorous pace and I was lifted off my feet. I was floating in the air, holding onto the handle of the door, lest I too get blown out through the window.

PS: Ok relax, nothing like this happened. I just opened the door and heard that stupid noise again.

The noise was coming from the restroom. I tip-toed up to the restroom door.

"Who knows what monster may be inside it. No humans can ever make that noise", I thought.

So, as a tool for my protection, I grabbed the broomstick that was kept near the door. I opened the door very slowly. Initially I couldn't see anything. I opened a little more.

Slowly a blue mass came into sight.

"Whoa a blue monster" ???

I opened the door a little more. More blue mass.

"Man what was this thing".

I pushed the door a little more. More of the blue mass.

"Doesn't this thing have an end" .

After some more pushes it got fully revealed.

It was one big human ass. An ass with an even bigger blue shorts put on.

The owner of this ass, a short fat guy, was doing a stunt which I would never ever wanna see even if someone offers me a free dinner. This guy was putting his hands into the throat and trying to do something which only he knows what. The only thing that was coming out was his "UUAAAAAAAAA"s. The sound was such that it can blow your ear off at a very close range.

That sight was more than enough for me to lose my sleep. It was soo disgusting. If he did want to do something like this, he could well have gone and done privately inside a bathroom and that too without making such a ruckus. He managed to wake up pretty much everyone in the entire hostel wing with his "UUAAAAAAAAA"s.

But I had not seen the end of it.

He came out of the restroom, walked straight to the water cooler. He drank some water. Then he did a much more disgusting stuff. After he was done with drinking the water, he just blew his nose and put the phlegm in it. I just felt like kicking his ass.

Has this guy lost his senses or something? If he was some illiterate poor guy, he could have been forgiven. But this is a guy who was getting the highest quality education this country can provide. It just made me wonder what a waste all this education has been on him if he can't even follow the basic norms of civil manners and responsibilities.