Guys day out

Sometime around last month, some of us had gone lappie shopping. Me and Vinu had been planning to buy a lappie for sometime now. On that day we were joined by Anand, Ajitav, Nazeem and Kukri. Though he didn't come, the person who was most enthusiastic that I get a lappie was my roomie Sheiku. Not that he cared two hoots about my lappie, but he was finally going to see a day when his lappie would be free from my evil clutches. The poor guy had a tough time, for the past one year, trying to dislodge me from the front of his laptop. There were also rumors that he had tried to rent a bulldozer to kick me out, but apparently the security guys at the main gate reportedly stopped him and said he needs to get permission from the Dean of human affairs, for issues related to kicking out irritating roomies. All day long he was encouraging me to go and buy my lappie, even offering me goodies like if I do manage to get hold of my own lappie, he would sponsor a dinner for me. Heights of desperation!!!

So thus we 6 heroes, out on a critical mission to save Sheiku from the ultimate depression that comes with sharing room with roomies like me, set out to seek our goals. We went to Mulund, got into an electronics shop (Chroma), spent some time looking at the models and atlast decided that it was going to be a DELL inspiron 1545. We used Anand's credit card and paid for both our lappies. Mission accomplished.

But now the question was where next. After some squabbling in the middle of the road, we decided that the next destination was going to be CST (Chatrapati Sivaji Terminus). After a 45 minute train journey we reached CST. Outside the station, there was a beggar sitting on the roadside. He looked into my eyes with a deep emotional face. I fell for it. His looks melted my otherwise rock solid heart and he became richer by Rs.5.

The round 2 of "where next" started. Some brilliant guy suggested "Tendulkar's". It's a restaurant owned by our own Sachin Tendulkar. No one else had any other bright ideas and so the resolution was passed unanimously. We got into 2 taxis and set forth to our destination. 5 mins later we were all standing in front of the restaurant, staring blankly at the notice put up in front

"Closed for renovation"

"So anyone else has any more bright ideas???", I asked. Nazeem, who was standing next to me, raised his hand.
"I have one", he said.
"Well what is it", I asked.
He replied with a smile on the face "We can go to Deluxe".

"What the hell is that. Is it some shopping mall. Because if so I don't think my stomach will allow me to go to a mall when it had been crying 'food' 'food' for the last one hour", I replied.

With an even bigger smile, Nazeem replied "Nopes it's a good mallu restaurant".

The mention of a mallu restaurant brought a smile to all of us. The only non-mallu in the group, Ajitav, also agreed to the idea.

"Great so what are we waiting for, let's go", I said.

Nazeem (frowning a bit as if he remembered something important just now) : "Well a small problem."

Ajitav : "What is it"

Nazeem : "I forgot the exact location"

Everyone : "#$@%$#%@#$@. "

Ajitav : "Ok no problem, just tell me some landmark and I will try to find the location".

After thinking for sometime...
Nazeem : "There are lots of trees on the road side"

We looked around us. There was nothing but trees in all directions.
We looked back and glared at Nazeem.

Nazeem : "Err right, not a very good clue I suppose. Let me see whether I can remember any other landmark"

One minute....two minutes....five minutes....everyone holding their hungry tummies

"Aah I got another one", shouted Nazeem

Ajitav : "About time. Ok so what is it"

Nazeem : "There is a tar road in front of the restaurant"

Ajitav (turning red): "#$@%$#%@#$@"

"Ok how about 'The restaurant was build from bricks'".

Ajitav's face turned dark purple.

"A white Skoda car was parked outside the restaurant that day"

Smoke coming out from Ajitav's ears.

"There was a beggar sitting outside"

Ajitav starts plucking out hair from his head.

This went on for sometime. But inspite of these earth shattering clues, Ajitav was unable to locate the exact location of the restaurant.

Silence for 5 minutes. Then Nazeem opened his mouth to speak.

Nazeem : "We can do one thing. If we return to CST station, I may be able to remember the way to the restaurant from the CST station"

Me : "You sure?"

Nazeem : "Yeah"

So we all boarded the taxis and returned to CST station. 10 minutes later we were standing at the same spot where we were standing just half an hour back. Productive use of time I had say. The same beggar was sitting there. Our eyes met once again. The same emotional look. Naa it's not gonna work this time buddy.

Everyone looked at Nazeem. "Ok genius, lead the way".

Nazeem : "Right, give me 10 minutes. Let me just try to remember"

After 10 minutes , Nazeem pointed at a direction and directed all of us to walk.
After walking for sometime, Nazeem stopped.

"What happened"

Nazeem : "This is the route in which we are NOT supposed to go"

Me : "What!!!!If you knew that, then why did you take this route"

Nazeem : "So that I can make you guys understand that this is the wrong route to take."

Me : "Did anyone of us enrol for your course of finding the right path by traversing all the wrong paths????"

Nazeem : "Well I thought you guys may want to know both the wrong routes and the right routes"

By this time everyone started exercising their arms and legs. Anand was halfway through his push ups. Vinu started with his squats. Nazeem sensed danger.

Me (hunger sounds coming out from stomach and anger smoke from the ears) : "Someone's ass is in the line of fire"

Nazeem covered his ass with his hands to provide it with an extra level of defence in case Vinu and Anand decided to act.

Nazeem : "Ok I am sorry, I still can't remember it exactly. Give me another chance. I will make sure you guys reach safely at Deluxe"

Again Nazeem led the way. Every now and then he looked back to see whether the others are making any concrete moves to launch missile attacks on to his ass. Tension was written all over his face. He knew he faced definite extinction if he didn't lead these hungry cannibals to some source of food.

After around half an hour of roaming around, finally he did take us to the correct place. Only then did he start breathing properly. I guess never ever would he volunteer to lead an "expedition". He had enough for one day.

A curious thing that I noticed on reaching the Deluxe was that, on the entrance it was written "Partial A/c". Now no one understood what was meant by partial A/c. Or atleast they didn't understand it till they got to experience it. It meant a "A/c which doesn't work".

The old man and the mess

The mention of hostel mess doesn't give me pleasant thoughts, atleast not when the food is concerned. It gives me nightmares even to think of having lunch or dinner from our hostel mess, though there are exceptions some days. But this post is not about how I feel about my hostel mess. It is about an old man in our mess. Since I don't know his name we will call him Mr Hero (since he is the hero of my post). Now our Hero is a mess staff member. As far as I have seen and experienced, he is not into cooking. His expertise lies in arranging washed glasses on all the food tables and to make sure the water jug on all tables is constantly full. So why is he the protagonist of my post? Well here goes.

Hero seemed to be have issues with other fellow staff members. At the rate of atleast 2 fights per day, he makes sure that he covers all the mess members in one week. But though his fights are, in general, not against any one person, he does have a special "liking" to a particular old chap. Let's call him Mr Villain (since he is the enemy of our Hero). He leads the fightback of the remaining mess members against Hero. On days when Hero is on a "date" with Villain, it is a feast for eyes for we students. It's not everyday that one gets to see a proper fight. Once they almost came to blows. If the students had not interfered, we could as well seen a great granfather fight. Never had a chance to see one till now.

Very often when we are having our food, our Hero comes near us, and starts blabbering about things which make anything but sense. If there is an empty glass on the table that no one is using he comes over and shouts

"Yee tumhara glass hei?"
(Is it your glass)

"nehi tho"
(No)

Continues in his loud voice.
"Phir yaha pe kyu hei. Andar kyu nehi rakha?"
(Then why is it here. Why is it not inside.)

PS: Used utensils and glasses are supposed to be deposited at the washing area after we are done with our food.

"muche nehi maloom. Mera nehi hei"
(I don't know. It's not mine)

"Kaha kaha se aate hei log"
(From where all does people come from)

Often it happens that even though mess timings for dinner is till 9 pm, we come five or 10 minutes after 9 pm. So what do we see when we go inside? All the food is over. But not so for our Hero. We see him leaving the mess with a bag full of something. We always had a suspicion that the bag must contain the mess food. In keeping with the supreme human tradition of blaming anyone other than oneselves for one's faults, we find it easier to put the blame on him for the mess food getting over rather than our coming late.

2 days back we were having our dinner in the mess.
Suddenly we heard some noise behind us.
Aha Hero and Villain are at it again. Great, let's see what happens...

Hero takes 2 ladoos from the sweet container and keeps it in his table.

What does our Villain sir do? He snatches those ladoos from Hero's plate and keeps it back in the sweet container.

Hero glares at the Villain. This time he takes 3 ladoos and puts it in his plate.

Villain gives a even bigger glare and snatches it back.

Our Hero being the typical bollywood type, doesn't give in. He stretches his hands to take "his" ladoos back.

This is when Villain jumps into action mode. He just lifts the entire container in his hands and starts running around the mess with our Hero in hot pursuit. Villain knows as long there are ladoos in the container, his life is in "danger" from our Hero. So our Vllainji goes to each table and asks the students to take one ladoo each. The students were more than happy to oblige. Usually we guys have to play hide and seek with the guy who guards the sweets container against anyone taking extra sweets. Today the very guy is begging us to take an extra one. Man, how times change.

Hero keeps following Villain. He will not be satisfied until he got his "heroines". As he keeps following the villain our poor Heroji keeps shouting

"Baaki sab ko 4-5 ladoo de rehe hei, muche ek bhi nehi de raha hei"
(He is giving 4-5 ladoos to everyone, but he's not giving even one to me).

This kept happening for sometime. Villain running around with the sweet container distributing sweets. Hero following him with a heavy heart. We students and other mess members were having a great time seeing this.

Even after giving an extra sweet to all present inside the mess, some sweets were still left.

"Now what?", thought the Villain.

Then someone shouted from among the other mess members
"Ab TV room mei jaake sab ko baato"
(Go to the TV room and start distributing sweets to everyone sitting there)

Our poor Heroji must have been devastated on hearing this. Now whether he really got his ladoos or not, I don't know. But we guys surely are looking forward to the next "encounter".