Guys day out

Sometime around last month, some of us had gone lappie shopping. Me and Vinu had been planning to buy a lappie for sometime now. On that day we were joined by Anand, Ajitav, Nazeem and Kukri. Though he didn't come, the person who was most enthusiastic that I get a lappie was my roomie Sheiku. Not that he cared two hoots about my lappie, but he was finally going to see a day when his lappie would be free from my evil clutches. The poor guy had a tough time, for the past one year, trying to dislodge me from the front of his laptop. There were also rumors that he had tried to rent a bulldozer to kick me out, but apparently the security guys at the main gate reportedly stopped him and said he needs to get permission from the Dean of human affairs, for issues related to kicking out irritating roomies. All day long he was encouraging me to go and buy my lappie, even offering me goodies like if I do manage to get hold of my own lappie, he would sponsor a dinner for me. Heights of desperation!!!

So thus we 6 heroes, out on a critical mission to save Sheiku from the ultimate depression that comes with sharing room with roomies like me, set out to seek our goals. We went to Mulund, got into an electronics shop (Chroma), spent some time looking at the models and atlast decided that it was going to be a DELL inspiron 1545. We used Anand's credit card and paid for both our lappies. Mission accomplished.

But now the question was where next. After some squabbling in the middle of the road, we decided that the next destination was going to be CST (Chatrapati Sivaji Terminus). After a 45 minute train journey we reached CST. Outside the station, there was a beggar sitting on the roadside. He looked into my eyes with a deep emotional face. I fell for it. His looks melted my otherwise rock solid heart and he became richer by Rs.5.

The round 2 of "where next" started. Some brilliant guy suggested "Tendulkar's". It's a restaurant owned by our own Sachin Tendulkar. No one else had any other bright ideas and so the resolution was passed unanimously. We got into 2 taxis and set forth to our destination. 5 mins later we were all standing in front of the restaurant, staring blankly at the notice put up in front

"Closed for renovation"

"So anyone else has any more bright ideas???", I asked. Nazeem, who was standing next to me, raised his hand.
"I have one", he said.
"Well what is it", I asked.
He replied with a smile on the face "We can go to Deluxe".

"What the hell is that. Is it some shopping mall. Because if so I don't think my stomach will allow me to go to a mall when it had been crying 'food' 'food' for the last one hour", I replied.

With an even bigger smile, Nazeem replied "Nopes it's a good mallu restaurant".

The mention of a mallu restaurant brought a smile to all of us. The only non-mallu in the group, Ajitav, also agreed to the idea.

"Great so what are we waiting for, let's go", I said.

Nazeem (frowning a bit as if he remembered something important just now) : "Well a small problem."

Ajitav : "What is it"

Nazeem : "I forgot the exact location"

Everyone : "#$@%$#%@#$@. "

Ajitav : "Ok no problem, just tell me some landmark and I will try to find the location".

After thinking for sometime...
Nazeem : "There are lots of trees on the road side"

We looked around us. There was nothing but trees in all directions.
We looked back and glared at Nazeem.

Nazeem : "Err right, not a very good clue I suppose. Let me see whether I can remember any other landmark"

One minute....two minutes....five minutes....everyone holding their hungry tummies

"Aah I got another one", shouted Nazeem

Ajitav : "About time. Ok so what is it"

Nazeem : "There is a tar road in front of the restaurant"

Ajitav (turning red): "#$@%$#%@#$@"

"Ok how about 'The restaurant was build from bricks'".

Ajitav's face turned dark purple.

"A white Skoda car was parked outside the restaurant that day"

Smoke coming out from Ajitav's ears.

"There was a beggar sitting outside"

Ajitav starts plucking out hair from his head.

This went on for sometime. But inspite of these earth shattering clues, Ajitav was unable to locate the exact location of the restaurant.

Silence for 5 minutes. Then Nazeem opened his mouth to speak.

Nazeem : "We can do one thing. If we return to CST station, I may be able to remember the way to the restaurant from the CST station"

Me : "You sure?"

Nazeem : "Yeah"

So we all boarded the taxis and returned to CST station. 10 minutes later we were standing at the same spot where we were standing just half an hour back. Productive use of time I had say. The same beggar was sitting there. Our eyes met once again. The same emotional look. Naa it's not gonna work this time buddy.

Everyone looked at Nazeem. "Ok genius, lead the way".

Nazeem : "Right, give me 10 minutes. Let me just try to remember"

After 10 minutes , Nazeem pointed at a direction and directed all of us to walk.
After walking for sometime, Nazeem stopped.

"What happened"

Nazeem : "This is the route in which we are NOT supposed to go"

Me : "What!!!!If you knew that, then why did you take this route"

Nazeem : "So that I can make you guys understand that this is the wrong route to take."

Me : "Did anyone of us enrol for your course of finding the right path by traversing all the wrong paths????"

Nazeem : "Well I thought you guys may want to know both the wrong routes and the right routes"

By this time everyone started exercising their arms and legs. Anand was halfway through his push ups. Vinu started with his squats. Nazeem sensed danger.

Me (hunger sounds coming out from stomach and anger smoke from the ears) : "Someone's ass is in the line of fire"

Nazeem covered his ass with his hands to provide it with an extra level of defence in case Vinu and Anand decided to act.

Nazeem : "Ok I am sorry, I still can't remember it exactly. Give me another chance. I will make sure you guys reach safely at Deluxe"

Again Nazeem led the way. Every now and then he looked back to see whether the others are making any concrete moves to launch missile attacks on to his ass. Tension was written all over his face. He knew he faced definite extinction if he didn't lead these hungry cannibals to some source of food.

After around half an hour of roaming around, finally he did take us to the correct place. Only then did he start breathing properly. I guess never ever would he volunteer to lead an "expedition". He had enough for one day.

A curious thing that I noticed on reaching the Deluxe was that, on the entrance it was written "Partial A/c". Now no one understood what was meant by partial A/c. Or atleast they didn't understand it till they got to experience it. It meant a "A/c which doesn't work".

A homework half done is a homework not done

For the last one week, I had been attending a 6-day course of Art of Living (AOL). Not that I have any hope that I am going to be any better than what I was before the course. Let's just say it is this small curiosity to know what actually these guys teach. But I must say I am pretty impressed by what I have been experiencing throughout the course and, I feel, if practiced daily, will certainly be beneficial. But being the lazy guy that I am, that's just going to remain a pipe dream.

The course is being conducted by a person called Salil. He is one of the many AOL teachers. This guy has a tremendous sense of humor (and I must say, after meeting some other AOL teachers, this strait seems to be a common one among all of them). He explains things in such a lucid and funny way that whatever he says, will get registered in our heads (including my dumb one) for a very long time. At the end of each day, each of us is given a homework to complete. One such homework that was given was

"Do 5 random acts of kindness".

We were given a time of one day for this task.

The next day, as usual, everyone gathered in the hall. Salil bhai came in. After a few introductory words, he asked,

"So how many of you did your homework yesterday".

Many hands rose into the air. As you may have guessed, I didn't raise. Salil then asked one of the persons, who raised his hand, to stand up. His name was Ramesh (name changed to protect the identity of this person. Another insignificant reason is I don't know his actual name).

Salil : "So you did your homework right"

Ramesh : "Yes sir, I did 4 acts of kindness"

Salil : "O you did 4 acts of kindness!!!"

Ramesh (with a very happy face) : "Yes sir"

Salil : "Well, what was the homework"

Ramesh : "Do 5 random acts of kindness"

Salil : "So how many did you do"

Ramesh : "4 sir"

Salil : "So did you do your homework"

Ramesh : "Yes sir...partially"

Salil : "O you did your homework partially...hmmm..."
(After 2 seconds of silence)

Salil : "are you pregnant"

Ramesh (with his mouth wide opened and shocked) : "What!!!"

Salil : "Are you pregnant"

The poor guy looks down. Did the belly give it away?

Ramesh : "Definitely no sir"

Salil : "You sure?"

Ramesh : "100 percent"

Salil : "Not even partially pregnant?"

Ramesh : "No sir"

Salil : "So you can either be only not pregnant or pregnant right. There is nothing like partial pregnancy right"

Ramesh : "Yes sir"

Salil : "So you did your homework"

Ramesh : "Sir...but...4...I did...only one left.."

Salil : "You pregnant?"

Ramesh : "Ok ok I didn't do the homework"

Salil : "Aaah there you are, now you may sit down"

Needless to say, when Salil repeated the question
"Now who all have done the homework",
not a single hand went up into the air. Well, I am not alone in the laziness department.

Fun with GD

Note : Thanks to Akshat and Ladha for the data to write this blog :-)

This week we had a workshop on GD (Group Discussion) conducted by a reputed institute. As a part of this workshop, the students were asked to divide among themselves into groups of 8. There were around 4-5 topics that were taken up during the GD session. I would like to mention some of the interesting points that junta came up during the GD discussions.

One of the topics that were given for discussion was

"MF Hussein had painted Hitler in nude. He claimed Hitler deserved it. Then he painted Indian goddesses in nude. So does MF Hussein deserve to be welcome back to our country"

Before the GD started, the moderator had a few things to say

"In a GD, we should be shameless. That is, we should not hesitate to say what we want. Do not think what others will think of you, just say it."

And then the GD started.

The GD started well. Junta started discussing points for and against the topic. A few minutes passed. Suddenly one guy opened his mouth and went ballistic

"We should kick MF Hussein in his ass. How dare he draw nude pictures of Hitler. What does he think of himself. He is an insult to the nation. He should be given a taste of his own medicine. I know what to do with him. We should draw a nude picture of him and then sent it to him by post."

Hmm really makes me wonder whether M F Hussein drew this guy's nude picture, going by how much this guy "loves" M F Hussein.

Another guy came up with a very "genuine" doubt.

"I think this topic is utterly false. How can M F Hussein draw the nude picture of Hitler"

Moderator : "Why"

"M F Hussein was not even born then na"

Well thus went the first GD topic.

The next topic up for discussion was

"Whom does your vote go to : Mukesh Ambani or Ratan Tata"

This too started fine. Somehow most of the junta's votes were going to Tata. And they had pretty strong reasons too. Checkout the reason given by one guy :-

"My vote goes to Ratan Tata because Mukesh Ambani didn't make his empire, he only inherited it"

Moderator : "Even Tata inherited Tata group. He did not make it"

"But Ratan Tata is a good man na. So it is fine."

The poor moderator had no answer to that.

But Mr Ambani too had supporters in the group. Try this

"Tata doesn't care about the employees"

Moderator : "Why do you say so"

"Well how can a person, who doesn't take care of himself, take care of his employees"

Moderator : "And why do you say he doesn't take care of himself"

"Because he is still unmarried na. So you see, if you don't marry how will you know how your wife feels. And if you don't know how your wife feels, how will you know how your employees' wives feel. And if you don't know how your employees' wives feel, how will you know how the employees feel."

The moderator by now had a "What-the-hell-am-I-doing-here" look on his face.

One guy came out with a "Nano" support to Tata

"Tata built a Nano car for the poor. So I vote for him"

Prompt came the opposition

"You call that a car? And what a stupid name : "Nano". It should have been "Maaro" [Hindi for beating]. Does it even look like a car. Looks more like a doghouse. The metal used is so thin. Tyres are so small. Seat comfort goes for a toss. A cycle's handle turns better than it's steering wheel...."

On and on went this guy. Looked like, for him, Mukesh Ambani was not even in the picture. As far as he was concerned the vote is between Tata and "Maaro".

Atlast this discussion also ended.

The next topic was

"India's GDP in terms of Purchasing Power Parity (PPP) is 4th in the world, but in terms of HDI, we are ranked 132nd"

In this discussion everyone was given a chance to speak for one whole minute.

Discussion started. It was speaker number one's chance to speak.

But what happened was that most of the guys had no clue at all about GDP, HDI, PPP etc. Everyone started looking at each other.

After looking helplessly at everyone for a few seconds speaker number one started speaking

"Hmm GDP...no idea...And then HDI...absolutely no idea.....but I guess since this GDP thing is growing, it should be a good thing. Let it keep growing. Then HDI...hopefully it won't fall down more"

He must have taken around 20 seconds to say so much, as supposed to one minute that he is to talk. The remaining time he just kept looking at everyone else. Silence prevailed.

One minute up.
Second speaker's chance to speak. Well he was no better.

"I total agree with my friend here."

Needless to say it was silence for the remaining 55 seconds.

When my chance came, I managed to talk some crap to fill in my one minute. In between I said the following in the context of corruption in India

"As Rajiv Gandhi said, out of every 100 paise spent on various schemes, only one paisa reaches the needy. Rest of the money goes into the pockets of the babus"

When my time was up, the guy sitting next to me started talking.

"I agree with my friend here. I also agree with Rajiv Gandhi...and his one paisa...and his 100 paise."

The moderator was at his wits end trying to make out what this guy was saying. I guess this maybe the last time he may ever attend a GD session in our college.